Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Tumblr Experiment

THE FUTURIST! is experimenting with a tumblr account blog.

This would not mean the end of this fount of information
you are currently reading and have grown accustomed to,
but you may be interested in seeing what he has composed
or posted on this other blog.

Please visit:


Hopefully, it will entertain you and your loved ones.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

See You Next Wednesday!

In honor of director JOHN LANDIS' birthday today,
THE FUTURIST! posts a trailer, as usual, but a trailer
from the TRAILERS FROM HELL website which features
Mr. Landis narrating over a trailer from PLANET OF THE APES (1968).

Happy Birthday, Mr. Landis.
THE FUTURIST!'s "See You Next Wednesday" weekly trailer feature
was originally created in reference to you and a trademark feature
in most of your films.

Monday, August 1, 2011


THE FUTURIST! is experimenting with a tumblr account blog.

This would not mean the end of this fount of information
you are currently reading and have grown accustomed to,
but you may be interested in seeing what he has composed
or posted on this other blog.

Please visit:


Hopefully, it will entertain you and your loved ones.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Saturday Music from a Film That Means a Lot

THE FUTURIST! feels a bit melancholy today ... but when doesn't he? Being that par for the course, his Saturday music post for today is a bit of music of lament from a movie that means very much to him ... so very much. One day perhaps, he will reveal why BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID is such an important movie in his life, but for now let him just present this bit of music without much explanation. The composer of the score that many questioned at its release is by Burt Bacharach. A western with music by Burt Bacharach ... ah ... there you have the criticism. THE FUTURIST! says, "Who cares?!!"

Listen and think of your regrets:

composed by Burt Bacharach
from the film

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Saturday Music Expressing a Weather Report

There has been a heat wave embracing the United States and THE FUTURIST! has felt it's horrible humid, sticky, suffocating, stinky hug every single minute in Utter Despair, NJ. Oh, it is so so hot. One must find shelter in their home and shopping malls and their own place of employment ... that is if these places have air conditioners or central air cooling systems. Thankfully most are equipped with the environmentally controlled cooling invention of Man's Ingenuity in beating the heat. THE FUTURIST! leaves one cooled dwelling for another ... into his car ... then into another place of air conditioning. The other night, THE FUTURIST! left a building and it was dark and still ... just the sound of buzzing cicadas ... and the air was so thick and wet ... it felt like he was inhaling aerosol canned cheese spray. He was carrying some papers and they started to curl from the humidity. His clothing immediately felt like it had shrunk and adhered itself to his limbs and other areas not to be mentioned that are covered by unmentionables. The atmosphere felt other worldly ... as if he had walked onto the surface of Mars or Jupiter.

Today it felt like the heat wave had subsided a bit. It was not as humid ... still rather warm. THE FUTURIST! does not like the heat or the Summer Time.

Please listen to Mr. Cole Porter's song about heat and not wanting to do much of anything ... especially "pitching the woo" when it's just too too hot.

performed by Ella Fitzgerald
written by Cole Porter

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

See You Next Wednesday!

dir: Mark L. Lester

Woody Quotes

Hobie: "God, you, uh, you look, uh ... you look very pretty in this candlelight."

Melinda: "Well, I'm sure anyone would look amazing with all these flickering shadows and all the wine you're drinking."

Hobie: "Right, right, uh ... well, I-I-I'm - I'm drinking because life moves so fast ... so unpredictably. You know, it's-it's over so fast and in the end what is it? Chekhov said a soap bubble."

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Saturday Music that Says it All Using a Fruit Metaphor

This clip from PENNIES FROM HEAVEN (1981)
does what it does very well. 'nuff said.
Except to add that the cherries at the bottom
of THE FUTURIST!'s bowl are a bit mushy.


from the film PENNIES FROM HEAVEN (1981)
performed by Walter S. Harrah, Gene Merlino,
Vern Rowe, Robert Tebow and Al Vescovo
Mimed onscreen by Steve Martin,
Bernadette Peters, and Jessica Harper

Friday, July 15, 2011

"This is Gon-na Hurt More Then When Snape Killed Dumble-dore!"

Yes, it will hurt much more ...

THE FUTURIST! learned through a very reliable source that
this song was performed in full dress and make-up outside
The Hive Multi-Megaplex midnight showing of

Prepare to receive a Stupify-ing Curse.

(THE FUTURIST! wished he had been there concealed
under James Potter's Invisibility Cloak)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


THE LONE GUNMEN was a spin-off of THE X-FILES.
It featured a trio of characters that were
acquaintances of FBI agent Mulder. They were three nerds
of high intelligence and high paranoia. However, oft times,
their seemingly loony suspicions of government malfeasance
and cover-ups had a basis in cold hard truth.

THE FUTURIST! liked this short lived show and its quirky humor.
It was not always good, but never uninteresting.

Created by Chris Carter, Frank Spotnitz and
two writers that usually wrote some of the best of THE X-FILES
episodes of the series' run - Vince Gilligan and John Shiban.

Both Gilligan and Shiban are currently behind
the wonderful original AMC series BREAKING BAD.

See You Next Wednesday!

REAL LIFE (1979)
dir: Albert Brooks

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Woody Quotes

Peter: "Is there anything more frightening other than the destruction of the world?"

Lloyd: "The knowledge that it doesn't matter one way or the other ... it's all random ... resonating aimlessly out of nothing and eventually vanishing forever. I'm not talking about the world. I'm talking about the universe ... all space ... all time ... just a temporary convulsion."

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Saturday Music for Leaving

THE FUTURIST! attended a "going away" festivity of sorts. It was a gathering of co-workers who were saying goodbye to one who decided she had had enough. This person of THE FUTURIST!'s acquaintance may not be going to anywhere better financially or appropriate to her educational background, but the parachuting from the the huge airliner of despair, aggravation, humiliation and tedious disregard for her as a human being was an escape that had to be made. She decided to unlatch the cargo door, suffer the powerful winds of the high altitudes of Life and ... leap. THE FUTURIST! just hopes she pulls the parachute cord before she hits the ground at high plummeting speed.

In between laughing, gossiping and assorted appetizers and plenty of booze, the gatherers at this departure party decided to partake of a little karaoke. THE FUTURIST! is not one to indulge in such frivolity, but he was asked to pick an appropriate tune for the guest of honor to lend her not-so-perfect pipes of vocalization to and ... as usual, THE FUTURIST! leans to his favorite composer of the 20th century ... Mr. Burt Bacharach. In this case, THE FUTURIST! chose this song from the Broadway show PROMISES, PROMISES that Mr. Bacharach and his lyricist Hal David wrote the music for to the book written by Neil Simon based on the film THE APARTMENT.

THE FUTURIST! knows it is a song about a woman expressing her emotions in respect as to when to depart from a relationship ... but, he felt that it matched the night's theme.

Please Listen:

music by Burt Bacharach and Hal David
performed by Jill O'Hara

P.S. Those that attended loved the rendition and the music. Bacharach never disappoints.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Saturday Music for "Summer Jammin'" with Dr. Porto

Summer time is a season of memories past and future. THE FUTURIST! finds certain songs evoke those childhood flashbacks of fun, frolics, fantasy and, sometimes, regret. Everyone has those certain Summer Time Songs locked away in their brain memory vaults. The tumblers on those vaults can be easily twirled to and fro to unlock visions when hearing melodies.

Speaking of the mind and the psychological and such, Dr. Porto, THE FUTURIST!'s acquaintance of psychiatry, happens to be a good conversationalist and all around bright personality, even though he is a horrible person. The Doctor isn't entirely 100% evil. He can, occasionally, be kind and generous ... but only for brief moments. He is seeing a counsellor regarding these faults in himself.

But, the point of this Saturday Music post is not Dr. Porto's predisposition for being manipulative and Machiavellian. This post is about Summer Time Memories through Music. Dr. Porto suggested this piece by Yuck. THE FUTURIST! when he first heard Dr. Porto utter the name of the band Yuck, mistakenly thought Dr. Porto was verbally expressing a reaction to his new hounds tooth summer sport coat. After a brief misunderstanding, THE FUTURIST! was made to understand Yuck was the name of a band and Dr. Porto was "Summer Jammin'" to on his outdoor deck while toasting Naan Bread on his grill. Dr. Porto was listening and reminiscing about his Summer Time Romance with Nurse Lutz years ago. It was a memory filled with sunshine, the Jersey seashore, beautiful skies, wine coolers, Xanax, some sort of cat tranquilizer and the terrible way Nurse Lutz stood him up in order to go on a road trip with her voluptuous girlfriends to the Hamptons.

Yuck brought back those memories ... both in music and reaction. Dr. Porto was filled with nostalgia tinged with love and depression.

THE FUTURIST! visited for awhile, ate Indian food and watched Dr. Porto leaf through an Asian Modeling catalogue. It was a beautiful day. Low humidity and perfect for Summer Memories.


performed by YUCK

Thursday, June 30, 2011

"Mommy! I Want to Exterminate! NOW!"

THE FUTURIST! really dislikes small children.
Look at how happy they are riding around in those death machines.
He has no doubt if they were real Daleks, those terror tots would
gladly fire death beams and incinerate anyone if they didn't get their way.

And who the Hell thought this was a great toy for undeveloped minds?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Day Off = Time to Do Laundry

THE FUTURIST! is glad he is not currently living in an apartment dwelling.
He would not like to find the aftermath of the above situation when arriving
to clean a full basket of personal garments.

See You Next Wednesday!

JAWS 2 (1978)
dir: Jeannot Szwarc

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

It's Tweesday!!

THE FUTURIST! doffs his summer straw boater to
Mr. Matthew Henderson (who wishes he was British)
and his wonderful encyclopedic near idiot savant
talent of summoning up songs of "twee".
Tweesday has it origin in his influence.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Saturday Music for the Gays Across the Street

In near by New York State, they have passed a law legalizing marriage between persons of the same sex. This has excited the homosexual community to such an extent that they are celebrating in the streets, crying, laughing and dancing dressed as half naked bird/human hybrids in loin cloths, feathered hats and Mardi Gras masks. They are so happy to finally be able to be just as legally unhappy as heterosexual wedded couples. What a historic day.

The mirth is not just to be found across the Hudson River. Here in New Jersey, a neighboring state, and, specifically Utter Despair, New Jersey, the gays are beside themselves, as well. THE FUTURIST! can attest to this fact. He knows of a male couple who live across the street from him who are full of glee (not the TV show ... they are never full of that ... they always want more!). Both the gents, Lerner and Lloyd, are aware of THE FUTURIST! blog and his observations from Utter Despair NJ. Here's a quote from Lloyd, specifically ...


This was yelled across the street as THE FUTURIST! was getting into his car and adjusting his socks.

This week and weekend was a cornucopia of giddiness for Lerner and Lloyd and their friends. Not only was the gay marriage law passed, but tomorrow is Gay Pride Day and they have just put the finishing touches on a float they are taking over to the city for the parade. They always create a movie themed float and go to great lengths to make it as fabulous as possible. This year they are going high camp with a salute to what many consider the worst James Bond film which was released 32 years ago this weekend in 1979 ... yes ... MOONRAKER. There is a lot of silver foil, a space ship, attractive men in space suits and tuxedos and dressed as Bond Girls. IT is quite something to see. THE FUTURIST! only spied it once before they covered it over with a very tasteful ecru velour drapery.

THE FUTURIST! is a great Bond fan and asked if he could see more of the creation, but was denied. Lloyd said that he could see it in its full glory at the parade.

"We would love you to come, THE FUTURIST! Look ... you can even ride in the cockpit of the spaceship. It's perfectly safe ... we'd strap you in tight. You know, you have that supporting actor type of look of a Bond film guy that would help 007 and then get killed in some gruesome manner. And I mean that in a good way, of course."

THE FUTURIST! respectfully declined.

Last night, the boys were doing some last minute fine tuning and THE FUTURIST! could hear the music they were using for the float as it glided down the street displaying its full alternative 007 sexuality in tomorrow's festive flotilla. A piece of campy music which can be heard at the closing credits of the film. Good Pagan God, the 70s was a magnificent era.


MOONRAKER (disco version)
performed by Shirley Bassey
written by John Barry

Friday, June 24, 2011

Bears on Ice

THE FUTURIST! has, as previously stated in prior posts, a fear of bears.
This is not to say he is not adverse to looking at them and their acts of random destruction and violence. Those instances only enhance his white knuckled phobia and provide evidence to relate to others.

They are not cuddly and cute and sing songs while hunting for honey trees or assisting other woodland creatures out of silly predicaments. They don't wear hats and neckties and little short sleeved shirts. Not unless some stupid human drugs the bear or tries to tame it for some circus or sideshow. Then the bear will eventually kill the human that did it ... most likely when children are watching in the grandstand eating cotton candy.

Below, is a video that a friend of THE FUTURIST! sent him recently. Here, again, you can see how man tries to use the bear for his own entertainment. Cruel, yes. Human beings always think they can deal and rationalize with the bear. You can't. AS you will see, the bears attempt, through training, which probably included tasty treats and electric prodding, to play ice hockey. Eventually, as expected with these flea bitten slobbering brutes ... crass entertainment turns to aggression and violence.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

"Dear World ..."

"Dear World. I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck."
- Actor George Sanders' suicide note before taking an overdose of Nembutal at age 66.

Best roles as Addison DeWitt in ALL ABOUT EVE
Cousin "Jack" in REBECCA
The voice of Shere Khan in THE JUNGLE BOOK

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Utter Despair Fashions

THE FUTURIST! is considering going into a men's clothing line with an unnamed financial source. Several photographs have been snapped and one is below for your perusal. A fashionable line of tasteful casual wear that implies comfort with great sartorial sex appeal for traveling or just lying about vacation spots (or your own home) contemplating the expanding universe, lost loves, the meaningless of Life or just general stereotypical despair and a yearning to have all just ... stop.

Above, pictured, is model Andres Velencoso wearing a neutral colored Summer ensemble. He is attending a July outdoor party waiting for his Appletini and thinking about how long he must endure this torture called Life. Yes, you can be very good looking and still be beset by thoughts of despair ... but if you are ... why not look good while doing it?

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Saturday Music for a Psychotic's Father's Day

A very quick, brief Saturday Music post due to Father's Day festivities in Utter Despair, NJ. Here's a little ditty from a very disturbing film that can be thought of in different terms ... a beautiful song about one's love to their father, the distinctive warbling of the psychotic Baby Jane Hudson portrayed by Bette Davis or an evergreen song sung by drag queen impersonators across America.



Saturday, June 11, 2011

Saturday Music from The Chocolate Factory

Gene Wilder celebrates his 78th birthday today and THE FUTURIST! salutes with a song from one of his most remembered films for many people of a certain age. WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY seems ripe for a Broadway stage incarnation. What are the money people waiting for? It has ready made songs (someone could write a few more, of course) and would appeal to the family crowd that keeps those Disney-fied Times Square hopping. Tim Burton did his recreation that featured music by Danny Elfman that had one or two bits of tuneful fun, but the original had the classic song that encapsulates the whole feel of the film. Not the book, but THE FILM. And Gene Wilder warbled it in his imperfect way, but with great charm and heart.

THE FUTURIST! is not going to post Mr. Wilder's version. Instead, he shall share the version below that he heard on a college radio show where he aided in providing "character comedy" bits in between musical selections. That was a happy time for THE FUTURIST!

Please ... listen:

performed by Smoking Popes

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


Well, you might have noticed there was no Saturday Music Post
and no usual SEE YOU NEXT WEDNESDAY! trailer featured
this week on THE FUTURIST!'s Observations from Utter Despair, NJ.
The reason for the absence of activity on this site is that
THE FUTURIST! started a vacation respite last Saturday night
and it shall continue until Sunday June 12, 2011.
This does not mean he may not post something during this wonderful
week away from his own created reality.
But ... he may ... if he is inspired.
In the interim, THE FUTURIST! wishes you all well
and he wants you to know that, so far, his week
of spiritual renewal has involved interesting food, liquor,
the wilds of New York State, snobs, white trash,
Woody Allen and Bob Hope movies, grilling, reading Dashiell Hammett,
ice cream, a swimming pool (though THE FUTURIST! can't swim),
a video of bears playing ice hockey and intense suffocating hot weather.

As pictured above,
THE FUTURIST! is prepared for further hot temperatures
and whatever else may await him in this mysterious cruel world.
Stay well.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Happy Birthday to The Amazing Frollo

Today is the celebration of the day
of the emergence of The Amazing Frollo from his Mother's womb.
It was one of the most successful escape tricks of his career.

THE FUTURIST! presents this video of The Amazing Frollo who has
tried to escape his career as a failed magician and decided
to pursue a career in acting or comedy or maybe, in actuality,
a real professor of academia. THE FUTURIST! is not sure.

Regardless, THE FUTURIST! likes this video very much and plays it
now and again and always laughs when The Amazing Frollo breaks
that clay cat figure. The moment of awkward uncomfort is very
Peter Sellers-like and the acting of the participants is quite good.
(in THE FUTURIST!'s opinion, of course.)

You will, also, see The Amazing Frollo attempt to disappear behind
a sculptured hedge. He is incorporating his magic with his acting career.

Please observe The Amazing Frollo's neck beard.
It is one thing he is a Master of accomplishing.

Happy Birthday, Amazing Frollo.
He will be getting drunker than a Caribbean Pirate tonight.
The vomiting will be in state of the art 3D.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sunday Funnies: Bob Hope

May 29, 1903 was the year of birth of Bob Hope.

Soon THE FUTURIST! will continue his Bob Hope Film Project.
Last year, starting May 29, he began watching Bob Hope films
in chronological order (those available for home viewing) which
started with THE BIG BROADCAST OF 1938.
The 1st wave of Hope films ended with ROAD TO RIO (1947).
THE FUTURIST! will begin the 2nd part of his Hope retrospective
with THE PALEFACE (1948) and continue to the end of Hope's film career.

Here is a trailer to one of his funniest films:


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Saturday Music with a Native American Chant

Dr. Porto, THE FUTURIST!'s acquaintance of the psychiatric profession, can be very mysterious, enigmatic and, oft times, suspected of evil manipulation. Sometimes he can be a marvel of discovery. He can make one see parts of themselves that they never explored before or enlighten areas of the mind that have never had a spotlight centered on in exposure ... however, in Dr. Porto's case it would be a strobe light.

THE FUTURIST! is very fond of the sound of Harpers Bizarre. They provide that dreamy, semi-psychedelic sound of the late 6os/early 70s that he enjoys so very much. He owns a recording of their best songs. He has been in search of one of their songs on YouTube that he wanted to add to his Saturday Music offerings. He could never find it to share with his audience.

Recently, through mere serendipity, THE FUTURIST! was treated to a discovery of a recording he can share. It was provided by the sinister, friendly, egomaniacal, yet self doubting Dr. Porto. It appears that he found it through a Russian source. Dr. Porto has connections all over the world. He has shared living quarters with a Slavic roommate of dubious background and since had to find other dwelling arrangements. HE has Asian connections both through travel and carnal desire. Dr. Porto is a fount of information regarding film, music, food and psychological torture. THE FUTURIST! is so glad he met him ... and at the same time, a bit frightened.

Please enjoy the dreamy sound of Harpers Bizarre as they intone this odd song that THE FUTURIST! could listen to again and again.

It is one of his little pleasures in life.


performed by Harpers Bizarre

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Saturday Music for Happy Goths

Yesterday, THE FUTURIST! encountered two people, male and female, apparently a couple, who were dressed all in black. They both had inky black hair, obviously painted with chemical coloring and were pasty white in complexion. Could their skin actually be that pale? Was it made to appear so with the aid of some kind of talcum powder? There was a scent that surrounded them that had a hint of a cinnamon or some kind of herb that one would find cloying if it were used to excess ... but they seemed to have mathematically calculated just the right amount to apply to their skin or clothing without being atmospherically overbearing. THE FUTURIST! knew that these two were either the undead that had to have risen due to the impending Rapture that was predicted by religious nut cases for May 21, 2011 or they were just what society terms as GOTHS. Well, since the end of the world had not transpired, THE FUTURIST! surmised they were Goth-type people. Their attire and general physical appearance that they wished to show the public would seem to express sadness, death and general creepiness. However, they were very pleasant, polite and smiling. THE FUTURIST! spoke with them for a few moments and directed them to an address that they were seeking in Utter Despair, NJ. They thanked him and moved on with very warm smiles.

THE FUTURIST! thought of one his favorite singer/composers Neil Hannon/The Divine Comedy and this very clever song that has has some lyrics that THE FUTURIST! finds very amusing. It's about a parent and his Goth daughter and in his description of his offspring he uses these lines to tell us of her appearance:

"Well, her clothes are blacker than the blackest cloth
And her face is whiter than the snows of Hoth"

Using the STAR WARS ice planet to describe her skin is very witty.


performed by The Divine Comedy


... is there a YouTube video that features
death scenes from 36 of Alfred Hitchcock's movies,
that is synchronised to climax in unison?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service

Today Willie Pollard talks about a woman named Joan
who gets lost a lot and never finds her way to her destination.
This is tale (told in sleep inducing monotone) is only to lead her
into a very clever metaphor using a GPS device
to proselytize her beliefs on her audience.

Sly Willie Pollard! You fooled THE FUTURIST!

THE FUTURIST! was given a GPS for his car on his birthday last April 25th.
So, far it has not led him to belief in anything but frustration and not
wanting to get into the damn car. If he was only as calm as Willie Pollard.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Saturday Music that Bids Bon Voyage

THE FUTURIST! posts this very late entry in his Saturday Music series after a very busy weekend ... oh, boy. Usually THE FUTURIST! plans his Saturday Music features in advance. Sometimes he has had last minute inspiration. Oft times the Saturday Music post is inspired by personal experience of the past or present ... sometimes a mere quirk of happenstance. Today THE FUTURIST! posts this entry which is a favorite of an acquaintance who is going to travel to Europe this week ... most specifically the faraway world of Great Britain. One day THE FUTURIST! hopes to travel to that area of the world and visit his correspondents in Scotland and Ireland and England, but for now he must only fantasize and live vicariously through others and their real life escapes. Most appropriately, this tune is from a English pop group of some time ago.

Bon voyage, M.H.

Safe travel and safe return.

* Pssst! Next week THE FUTURIST! promises to get
more personal with his Saturday Music entry!


performed by The English Beat

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

See You Mercredi Prochain!

dir: Jean-Luc Godard

* A special Happy Birthday trailer
dedicated to THE FUTURIST!'s good friend
Mr. Michael Capio, faculty member of The School of Visual Arts,
gallery curator and incomprehensible genius.
If it wasn't for Michael showing this film to
would not have felt reinvigorated about the mysteries
and soul stirrings of cinema. It was like another
strange continent of the visual was explored in
the glow of the darkness of movie watching.

Happy Birthday, good friend.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

THE FUTURIST!'s Recurring Dream

This may be how it ends.
Strange, however.
THE FUTURIST! is very scared of heights.

*photo courtesy of OLD HOLLYWOOD

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Saturday Music from THE FUTURIST!'s Cluttered Closet

In the continual cleansing that consumes THE FUTURIST! in a semi-monthly mission, new discoveries are continuously made in the cluttered closet of his tangible memories... especially in the form of record albums. Among the many records secreted in the back of the closet, THE FUTURIST! found one of his favorite Elvis Costello recordings. The album is called TRUST and if memory serves THE FUTURIST! correctly, it was the one Costello LP he played the most. It was one of those records that rarely had the needle lifted to bypass a track, hover indecisively over the rotating album and then placed elsewhere with that wonderful audible "plonk" and "hiss".

There are many great songs on the album ... in THE FUTURIST!'s humble opinion.
FROM A WHISPER TO A SCREAM (featuring G. Tilbrook of SQUEEZE)

A favorite of the many is the one featured below.


performed by Elvis Costello

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Top Ten Future Movie Hits of 1971



3. SUMMER OF '42








Wednesday, May 4, 2011

See You Next Wednesday!

dir: Harold Becker

* One of THE FUTURIST!'s favorite films.
Great characters, cinematography by Owen Roizman,
direction by Becker and music by Maurice Jarre & Richard Bowden.
Script by the author Joseph Wambaugh from his novel.
A great blending of a crime story with a love story
featuring nuanced characters who are all very lonely.
Even the bad guy.

THE FUTURIST! Loves America

After watching these videos THE FUTURIST! is so proud to be
an American living in Utter Despair and no where near this American:

and these Americans:

Thanks to director Edgar Wright for the first video
(no he did nor direct it. IT IS REAL!)
and Mr. Matthew Henderson for the patriotic wrestling mania.

THE FUTURIST! feels he would be man-raped in either scenario.

Monday, May 2, 2011



Osama Bin Laden's human shield trophy wife is no longer a member
of the cast of BRAVO's proposed HOUSEWIVES OF ABBOTTABAD.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Saturday Music that Loves a Particular Version of The Look of Love

THE FUTURIST! is in the midst of a William Friedkin Freakout Film Foray. He is trying to watch any and all Friedkin directed films in chronological order. The reasons why he is doing this can be stated thusly:

1. A person, in conversation, stated to THE FUTURIST!
that Friedkin is an egomaniac bullying hack with no cinematic style.
Could this be true? No style?

2. THE FUTURIST! had only seen, maybe, 4 Friedkin films in his life ...
and a few he has been very curious about since they are considered
very controversial.

3. THE FUTURIST! loves mini-film festivals in his Thimble Theater.
It quenches his soul and blocks realities that neurotically plague him.

4. THE FUTURIST! is a Completist.

THE FUTURIST! just watched Friedkin's filmed adaptation of the controversial play THE BOYS IN THE BAND. The film begins with the wonderful Harpers Bizarre version of Cole Porter's ANYTHING GOES and it ends with a version of Burt Bacharach's THE LOOK OF LOVE. This is not the vocalized Dusty Springfield take that was originally in the 1967 CASINO ROYALE, but a version that is totally orchestral from the album REACH OUT and conducted by Bacharach, himself.

As the film ends in blackness and bitter sadness the end credits begin showing each cast member and the music begins. It leaves you feeling a bit sad yourself. An odd song, beautiful, full of contented longing finally found, but ... well,


by Burt Bacharach

Friday, April 29, 2011

Existential Star Wars

Hopefully this Summer blockbuster will premiere at The Utter Despair Hive Megaplex. THE FUTURIST! thinks it should be retitled: SARTRE WARS. Is there any movie that bests blends sci-fi and despair? This could be the chance to have French wine served at the confection counter ... finally.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

THE FUTURIST!'s Rain Out Theater

While the grounds crew rolls out the giant tarps to protect the field,
THE FUTURIST! provides this short film to idle away the time.

This gets really groovy at about 2 mins in

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Easter Dinner

THE FUTURIST! is a bit late in posting these photos,
but he has been busy the last few days.
Above is the cooked boneless leg of lamb
which was mentioned in the preceding post of Easter Sunday.
THE FUTURIST! apologizes to any Vegans who read
this blog ( he can think of one ) but the succulent
sight of this deliciously seasoned meal
is too beautiful to NOT display.

And this is what it looked like
when nestled between fresh carrots and boiled potatoes
on THE FUTURIST!'s Easter plate:

IT was accompanied by a glass of Pinot Noir
and THE FUTURIST!'s Janus Films mug
which was awaiting boiling water for the satisfying
after meal pleasure of Green Tea.

Oh, it was grand.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Easter Lamb

The boneless leg of lamb
purchased at a Costco in Hackensack, N.J.
The very same city in New Jersey
that Lex Luthor fired one of his atomic missiles
at in Richard Donner's SUPERMAN (1978)
4.61 pounds.
Cost: $27.61
This shall be THE FUTURIST!'s Easter dinner.
Isn't it beautiful?


Saturday, April 23, 2011

Saturday Music with the Soothing Penguin Cafe Orchestra

THE FUTURIST! has not much to say about The Penguin Cafe Orchestra except that their compositions add some solace to trying times. He has used their music twice before in earlier Saturday Music posts, but not this particular piece. This feels appropriate to listen to the night before Easter Sunday ... to relax and think about cooking a 4.61 pound boneless leg of lamb.

Listen and think about herbs and seasoning the lamb:

performed by The Penguin Cafe Orchestra

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The BANACEK Turtleneck

THE FUTURIST! found out that The Amazing Frollo is working at The NBC Store near Rockefeller Plaza in New York. He asked The Amazing Frollo if they had any discounts on items from old NBC television programs. For instance, did they have any discounted BANACEK turtlenecks? It appears they do not. It's a pity. THE FUTURIST! was thinking of wearing one this Easter weekend with a hounds tooth sport coat. THE FUTURIST! wasn't going to solve any fraudulent insurance scams involving disappearing Brink's armored trucks or art objects. He just wanted to go bow tie-less this Easter. No turtleneck, no cigarillos, no sport coat ... but he will have that glass of whatever Banacek is having.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

See You Next Wednesday!

dir: Andrew V. McLaglen

* Wow. What a revealing trailer!
THE FUTURIST! is certain the entire cast was drunk during filming.
The stench of whiskey had to be evident on set.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Sunday Funnies: Steve Martin and his Singing Balls

As far as groin comedy goes, this is
not as incredibly ingenious as Mr. Martin's
THE GREAT FLYDINI act on the The Tonight Show,
but it is still very funny.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Saturday Music at The Minor Super Market

THE FUTURIST! is not going to attend a family Easter dinner again this year. It will mark the 3rd year in a row he has decided not to be present at an Easter holiday repast. Growing up, THE FUTURIST! loved two holidays the very most ... Thanksgiving and Easter. Easter meant springtime and renewal and lovely weather and chocolate and hard boiled eggs and the public television station airing of EASTER PARADE or THE BAND WAGON or SINGIN' IN THE RAIN or a week of movie biblical melodramas with wooden acting, swelling Miklos Roza scores and large breasted women in revealing outfits and lots of Max Factor make-up being wooed by men garbed in metal breastplates, sandals and holding jeweled goblets ... oh, and a very attractive, non-Jewish or Semitic looking actor playing Jesus.

THE FUTURIST! can't avoid the Thanksgiving family gathering, but he has successfully been able to parachute out of the Easter feast. He remembers his small family gathering of years past that was so warm and comforting, but it has morphed into a larger event with in-laws and children and gripes about jobs, illness and what is happening with the kids' friends' Moms and other minutiae that is, oh, so boring. THE FUTURIST! just doesn't care and he will just drink more white wine to dull his senses and fall asleep while the monotone yakking goes on and on and on ... so, instead he will stay home and cook his own lovely Easter meal and watch an appropriate film. Maybe, THE ROBE or KING OF KINGS or CLEOPATRA or a bright cheery musical.

Therefore, he must buy some lamb for his Easter dinner. The family gathering never features lamb. It is always turkey or ham. THE FUTURIST! loves a nice juicy lamb. He never has it all year. This is HIS TIME for the succulent taste of a lamb leg or shank or butt cut. He usually buys the butt cut because it is just enough for a solo meal with some leftovers.

This week he will have to shop for a good piece. Last year, he purchased a very good offering at the Utter Despair Minor Super Market (owned by the Minor Bros) When shopping at The Minor Super Market, you can hear the type of music which is featured below. Where else would you hear this kind of musical accompaniment while prodding melons, reading cereal boxes, leaving that half gallon of ice cream in the canned vegetable aisle after you decided NOT to buy it ... AND checking for a good lamb butt?


performed by The Erwin Lehn Beat-Brass

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

See You Next Wednesday!

CHARADE (1963)
dir: Stanley Donen

Happy Birthday To Director Stanley Donen (April 13, 1924)

The Amazing Frollo's Top 5 Sidney Lumet Movies

The Amazing Frollo is seen above in his homage to
He is green screened in his version of
DEATH ON THE NILE by Agatha Christie.
He never finished the movie.
He got hungry and did not return to the set.

When THE FUTURIST! heard of the death of film director Sidney Lumet, his first thought was of his friend The Amazing Frollo. Earlier posts have recounted The Amazing Frollo's stature as a magician ... he stinks. (CLICK HERE!) and (CLICK HERE, TOO!) Never has any of his stage acts as a prestidigitator been successful. Audiences have queued up just to see how far he can humiliate himself. AS far as THE FUTURIST! understands, The Amazing Frollo has given up his magic act and been in some sort of sad slump. Rumors have percolated about him having no money and becoming a recluse reading his hundreds of yellowed used paperbacks of movie novelizations, trying to file his VHS collection and eating bacon.

THE FUTURIST! has gotten far afield from his subject regarding why he thought of The Amazing Frollo after hearing of the death of Lumet. The Amazing Frollo is a great film buff and always would talk about Lumet to THE FUTURIST! He even had mini-film festivals of Lumet works that he enjoyed in his own cluttered bedroom watching on his computer screen. THE FUTURIST! asked The Amazing Frollo to compile a list of his favorite Lumet films for this blog. He consented and submitted this:


Sidney Lumet truly is one of my favorite directors. They way he was able to make so many different kinds of films so well is a real inspiration to me. So naturally this list was pretty hard; I almost cheated and chose six, but rules are rules.

1. 12 Angry Men

2. Murder on the Orient Express

3. Network

4. The Verdict

5. Fail-Safe

I was gonna expand on these choices, but I kinda ran out of steam after 12 Angry Men. Writing about movies is hard. I hope I won’t have to do too much of that in film school.

This is the shortest least explained of ANY Top 5 List in THE FUTURIST!'s series. Somehow, though, this warms THE FUTURIST!'s heart; it is true reflection of the sloth-like expectations of THE AMAZING FROLLO. He is never a phony.

Oh, and The Amazing Frollo? You WILL have to write in Film School. THE FUTURIST! predicts that you will perform your finest magic act at Film School. You will finally successfully disappear. And you won't need a steamer trunk or the assistance of a showgirl.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Insomnia on Warm

Dear Pagan Gods, it was too warm last night.
Utter Despair, NJ had a sudden heat wave that reached temperatures of about 80 degrees ... in APRIL! Where is the springtime? THE FUTURIST! hates the heat. He especially hates it when the sun has set and it is still warm and humid. Last night's air was full of that disgusting sense of wetness embracing your skin; it feels like the air is sweating. THE FUTURIST! cannot sleep in this type of weather. Opening a window only lets in more of the creeping mildewy air and makes the bed sheets feel like you are are lying on the tongue of a panting canine. This happened last night. THE FUTURIST! tossed and turned and cursed his Life (well, he does the latter most evenings in the dark). He could get only sporadic spells of sleep. He would wake up in 30 minute intervals with his mind racing and feeling so uncomfortable. And for some reason the theme to Valmont's Go-Go Pad from Bava's DANGER: DIABOLIK kept racing through his manic mind. It felt like the NAH NAH NAAAH chorus from the musical piece were taunting him.

Feel free to try to relate. But, also, blow a vaporizer of boiling water on yourself to actually feel the THE FUTURIST!'s late Monday/Tuesday morning experience:

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunday Funnies: Woody Allen Ponders Morality

What wonderful comic neurotic delivery.
One of THE FUTURIST!'s favorite comedy films of all time.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Saturday Music Devoted to Sidney Lumet

THE FUTURIST! recalls the electric current that quaked through his young frame when he was first entertained by the opening credits of MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS (1974). The film begins in an old fashioned manner (at least in today's film experience terms) with a full slate of title, cast and crew in art deco font projected over a background of wavy shiny pink silk ... and this occurs before the film begins its narrative journey. The title imagery begins with a crescendo of orchestral introduction that sounds like a slightly menacing formal dance number and then slowly eases into perfect high class dining music. You can imagine yourself in full dinner dress with silk napkins and antique silverware eating something expensive and French. It is like music you would hear in a 5 star restaurant while watching a couple perform a waltz of death on the dance floor ... One, two, one two ... twirl ... separate ... embrace ... then end in a dip that would end the dance with a knife hilt protruding from someone's chest.

Music from the past for a movie taking place in the past about a crime committed in the past that results in further mayhem.

This adaptation of Agatha Christie's influential murder mystery is a perfect example of a lot of American 70s cinema. So many movies took place in the past or were modern variations of movie genres of the past during that decade. This is perhaps THE FUTURIST!'s favorite adaptation of a Christie mystery. And the film is brought to mind this sad Saturday by the news of the death of the film's director Sidney Lumet.

MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS is just one of many great films that Sidney Lumet directed. The list includes DOG DAY AFTERNOON, SERPICO, 12 ANGRY MAN, THE ANDERSON TAPES, FAIL SAFE, THE VERDICT, PRINCE OF THE CITY, and a couple of less lauded, but personal favorites ... RUNNING ON EMPTY, EQUUS and the ferocious Q & A. And one of the most prophetic films of the last 50 years, the brilliant NETWORK.

THE FUTURIST! will miss your style, Mr. Lumet.

While we remember, please ...


Overture and Kidnapping from
by Richard Rodney Bennett

Monday, April 4, 2011


... Julie Andrews, could you explain what the
Motion Picture Association of America seal means?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Sunday Funnies: Peter Cook, Dudley Moore and a Music Lesson

Oh, THE FUTURIST! loves these guys.
Smart and funny.

Try to watch the DVD of their British
television from the 60s entitled:
Peter Cook & Dudley Moore:
The Best of... What's Left of...
Not Only... But Also...

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Saturday Music for Restoring the Soul

THE FUTURIST! had a very frustrating week.
He returned to his regular life ("regular" is the sad adjective in this sentence) and he found he could not wait for days of restive contemplation and relaxation. A good friend had compiled some "burned" CDs of music that were intended to sooth the tumults of Life's waves crashing against THE FUTURIST!'s beachhead. The song below was one of the several minutes of restorative musicality he used to regain composure.

Enough said.

Lyrics provided.

When Mac was swimming I was running late,
walking around New Orleans looking for a birthday cake.
It was a great surprise to him so many people came.
Nobody knows, darling.
Nobody knows how they are loved.
Don't worry, my darling, the sun's coming up.

Let's get up early now, dive clear into the day.
Let's get out of the car with open arms,
not wait to be embraced.
The flowers that grew, the things that happened
since the day you came.
Nobody knows, darling. Nobody knows how they are loved.
Don't worry, my darling, the sun's coming up.


performed by The Innocence Mission

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The American Dream

THE FUTURIST! knows this movie is held with great disregard, but he has a warm spot in his heart for the acting and the overheated story line about a how the oil industry tries to stop the discovery of a secret old Nazi formula to create energy from synthetic means. The greedy capitalist businessmen won't even stop from murder. Here is a scene that says a lot about America featuring the always boiling mad George C. Scott and the hard to understand Marlon Brando. Marlon's characterization is still engrossing. He wears some kind of prosthetic upper teeth to create a lisping speech pattern. Rumor has it that he decided the character should wear a hearing aid. Not for any quirky Method Acting reasons, but because he could not remember his lines. The device enabled him to have his lines read to him whenever his memory faltered. The sad thing is that nothing has changed in all these years. This speech is still relevant.


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Saturday Music for a Town Theme Song

Last night, it was decided that Utter Despair, N.J. needed a theme song.The theme would not have any official significance, unless it was brought before the town council ... this was merely a pipe dream by several patrons and employees at The Third Man Cinema Pub.

The idea to think of an appropriate town song was most likely a way to forget present worries and troubles among those involved in the discussion, as well as friendly social interaction fueled by liquor.

The song below seemed to have won the night. THE FUTURIST! doesn't recall how or when the decision was made. It may have been decided while he was in the restroom. He had gotten ketchup on his bow tie and needed to dab away at the stain in a mirror.

Once the song had been decided, it was played at great volume on the pub Bose sound system. There was much smiling and laughing and someone bought more alcohol for everyone. THE FUTURIST! left soon after the owner of TOP KNOT-CH (the local necktie emporium) started to dance with Miss Templeton (she works at the floral shop). It was not the dancing that made THE FUTURIST! leave ... no ... it was due to Miss Templeton throwing up due to the constant dance twirls that caused the three Manhattan cocktails and two Blue Moon beers in her stomach to mix in a Proctor Silex blending mode.

THE FUTURIST! needed some air.

Listen and pay attention to the appropriate Utter Despair lyrics:

performed by Paul McCartney

Friday, March 25, 2011

A Weight on His Mind

One day THE FUTURIST! would like
to buy a suitable bookcase that would display
his film books in a less shoddy manner.
Look at this!
It is obviously made of cheap particle board
with a faux wood veneer.
The shelves are bending due to their less
than sturdy strength.
Today, he moved some books about.
(these are only some of his film books.)
It was only this very day that he noticed
how awful this bookcase appears.
But, it has sufficient spacing between shelves to
hold the larger coffee table movie tomes.
It just made him feel a little depressed.
He just doesn't have the funds to buy
a respectable bookcase, at this time.
A good quality bookcase is a lot of money.
They cost as much as coffins.
At least they could be satin lined inside.
It would make for a much more stylish
viewing of THE FUTURIST's books
for visitors to his living quarters.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Jack De'Ath's Top 5 Vulgar Insults

The innocent appearing & charming Jack De'Ath.
He is seen here at his pub with a slight Artful Dodger-like
air about him and, in THE FUTURIST!'s opinion,
bears a resemblance to a very young Peter Cook.
He has just called the bartender Queen Dick-toria.

THE FUTURIST! considers himself a very proper gentleman. He rarely uses obscenities of any sort while conversing with his erudite friends. Oh, you may hear him exclaim, "Good Pagan Gods!" if he is exasperated or irritated by someone or something, but this is a mere blaspheme to many ... in fact, many don't realize what he is referring to because most believe in their own exclusive white robed bearded deity. Of course, the mention of a belief in many Gods of a paganistic nature will be offensive to some ... if so, they can all burn to Hell in a giant man-made constructed Wicker Man idol while screaming out to their own personal selfish God. To be perfectly honest, THE FUTURIST! doesn't even believe in Pagan Gods. He just says that to rile other individuals.

Enough rambling. This post is dedicated to Jack De'Ath. Jack is a denizen of London, England, but originally from Suffolk, England. He has the most wonderful and coolest last name that THE FUTURIST! has ever encountered in another individual. Can you imagine having the last name DE'ATH? Wow. And it is not made up ... it is real. THE FUTURIST! is not sure, but he wants to imagine that Jack is from some medieval ancestry of English/French origin that was feared by the peasants. HE wants to believe that the De'Ath family tortured their enemies on the rack, stabbed threats to their power interests with ruby studded daggers and used those trick rings with movable tops that secreted poisonous powders which were poured into goblets of wine. Obviously, if this was so, it would seem they lost their plans for evil conquest ... their descendant, Jack De'Ath, is now a pun babbling pub denizen that gets drunk on beer and rides the tube with his friend Thomas Meek and hosts a podcast called LAUGH OUT LOUD LONDON (LOL) which covers the London Comedy scene. His only threatening weapon is his dexterity in verbally hurling a penis insult.

THE FUTURIST! finds Jack De'Ath very entertaining and asked him to compile a Top 5 List of his favorite Vulgar Insults. He asked because Jack loves to hurl these very epithets at everyone including his friends. In actuality, you could really call them terms of insulting endearment. You shall read them below without the usual Top 5 List intro by the guest star. When asked to do so, Jack told THE FUTURIST!: "I'm not doing it, Cock Jockey."







THE FUTURIST! used the URBAN DICTIONARY in order to decipher these insults. You can click on them all (except CRAB FEATURES) for further elucidation. THE FUTURIST! would like to add two other insults that Jack has used that he found alarmingly comic:

Extra Supplemental Vulgar Insults:



COCKTAIL SAUSAGE (referring to his friend's male member)

Thank you, Jack, for your compilation.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tripping the Light Fantastic

THE FUTURIST! as a child loved Fred Astaire movies... principally the films he made at RKO with Ginger Rogers. He was told by his mother that he sat on the floor of the living room transfixed by those old black and white images as Astaire and Ginger performed their foot work magic that was interspersed between the screwball plots of the films. THE FUTURIST! never found the later MGM color musical extravaganzas as enjoyable ... maybe it was because Ginger wasn't present or the plots were just so uninteresting and the musical numbers so bloated. However, there was always the magic of Astaire dancing. Sometimes just taking some of those moments away from the BIG Hollywood cornball is enough.

For instance, this scene between Astaire and Eleanor Powell in BROADWAY MELODY OF 1940 from MGM ... it is total magic. The beautiful black and white cinematography and set design and costume design and most of all those effortless foot movements. This is why THE FUTURIST! loves movies ... it just takes him away.

*Please ignore the slight interruption of an apparent Japanese voice for a few moments. THE FUTURIST! believes this is an excerpt from the Asian dubbed version of THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday Funnies: Albert Brooks on Easy To Do Ventriloquism

Mr. Brooks makes comedy look so easy.
A bit of comedy shtick that looks so simple,
but must have required a lot of creative
planning in its comedy construction.
Not as easy as it appears.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Saturday Music that Brings Back Grand Parent Memories

The motion picture THE STERILE CUCKOO from 1969 might be the only trivia THE FUTURIST! would associate with the song COME SATURDAY MORNING. But, according to Wikipedia, it has lyrics by Dory Previn and was nominated for Best Original Song at the 1969 Academy Awards. It, also, reached #17 on the Billboard Charts in 1970.

THE FUTURIST! thought of this song recently. He was going through some old records that were left behind by his grandfather. Songs have so many layers to them as they are audibly played and filtered into our ears and through our brains and pinball their way through our memories. THE FUTURIST! remembers an afternoon long ago when he was a mere THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! He remembers a surprise visit to his grandfather's home. He entered his modest suburban dwelling and walked through the screened porch, into the front door and then found the house, seemingly, empty. He could hear a faint sound coming from the back room that his grandfather used as den. THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! continued on in his search to find his grandfather. He knew he was there ... his only means of transport, his sedan automobile, was in the driveway, therefore, his grandfather had to be in the house. He did enter the kitchen area to look through the back door to see if he was in the yard which was a very early neurotic action by THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! (always double check!) ... no, he was not. But the sound of faint murmuring was evidently audible from the den. He continued on and discovered that the murmuring was actually the soft melancholy sounds of The Sandpipers and this very song.

THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! pushed open the slightly ajar door to the den and found his grandfather sitting his usual comfortable brown recliner chair. His head was back and he seemed so relaxed. His grandfather was a pipe and cigar smoker (two items that helped, eventually, to lead to his demise) and his pipe was resting in a large glass ashtray next to his afternoon cocktail. The music from emanating from his stereo record player console which he was quite proud of and had cost him a pretty penny. His grandfather did not notice THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST!'s presence in the room at first ... and during those seconds before discovery, THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! could see his grandfather was crying. Something about this song had evoked sadness from his memory banks or, perhaps, he was weeping about a present problem or worry that this song helped in bringing out his despair. Upon discovery of his grandson's company, he regained his composure and tuned the volume down to a mere purr ... and then became his usual rather emotionless gruff self.

Why this song did whatever it did to manifest such emotion was never explained and never would be, especially from such a stoic grand parental figure. But, as THE FUTURIST! grew older, he could understand how such sounds could provoke the senses to react. Memory can be a warm blanket or it can be a rain shower that leaks through the umbrella of years gone by and soaks the soul with regret.

Listen and remember long after Saturday is gone:

performed by The Sandpipers

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Tryouts for THE FUTURIST!: The Musical!

THE FUTURIST! finds this particular post especially pleasing for St.Patrick's Day, as well for as the reason it was designed. Rehearsals began today at The Utter Despair Community Center for The Utter Despair Community Theater Players' production of THE FUTURIST!: THE MUSICAL!

Justin Shuman is seen below doing a rendition of OLD DEVIL MOON from the Broadway musical hit FINIAN'S RAINBOW (music by E.Y. Harburg and Burton Lane)

Justin was auditioning for the role of THE YOUNG THE FUTURIST!
He was wise to wear a bow tie and cardigan for the audition.
It may help in the director's decision making.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Howard Hawks Woman

* A handshake (without joy buzzer) to
Otto the waiter from The Third Man Cinema Pub
for his suggestion of posting this illuminating video

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Utter Despair NJ Mall Girl

This girl ...

... is the type of young girl you would see
at The Hive Shopping Mall in Utter Despair, N.J.

She and her friends walk blindly toward you with her iPod
connected to her head oblivious of her surroundings
chattering away to her similarly hyperbolic comrades.
She is breathless, frenetic like a chipmunk with a newly
discovered acorn and dressed in clothes purchased on her
parents' credit card which no retail employee
checks for signature verification.

She laughs like a cross between Richard Widmark in
KISS OF DEATH and early 1940s Woody Woodpecker.
She uses these words in quick succession as you pass her:

"Like ...Really? .. NO! ... Cute ... You're CRAZEE!"

If you should have to eat in The Hive Food Court
(and THE FUTURIST! prays for you, if you must)
try not to sit near her.
If you do, you will not be able to masticate or digest.
Her movements may induce acid reflux or motion sickness.
These effects will be further enhanced by The Hive Food Court menu.

And try, if you can, not to sit anywhere near her
at The Hive 16 Screen Mega-Plex Theater.
Her cell phone will beep, twirp and play muffled Justin Beiber music.

This has been a Public Service Posting by THE FUTURIST!
He cares about his readers and loves them all.

*Thanks to Olli Sulopuisto
THE FUTURIST!'s fine friend in Finland
for the irritating gif.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Matthew Henderson's Top 5 Sunday Morning Movies

Besides loving his ritual of the Sunday Morning Movie,
Matthew Henderson loves the occasional ritual
of something he calls The Burger Club.
This involves him eating hamburgers.
Security cameras picked up evidence
of him awaiting a burger which contained
grilled onions, jalapenos, BBQ sauce and lettuce.
(THE FUTURIST!'s stomach would find those club dues rather taxing)

Mr. Matthew Henderson, THE FUTURIST!'s domestic correspondent in the Washington, D.C. area, is the current guest star of the semi-occurring Top 5 List feature. Referring to Matthew as a domestic correspondent does not mean that he does housework for a Rent-a-Maid service ... no ... it refers to his being situated here in America ... though, he has spent a lot of time in Scotland, apparently, and seems to have left his sad heart there much like Tony Bennett's beating organ is in San Francisco. THE FUTURIST! "knows" Matthew in a distant sense, but feels quite an affinity for him in regard to his movie interests, his taste in finely written television programs, his sense of humor and his sad heart. Matthew has told THE FUTURIST! of an interesting ritual he has performed for years on end involving film. THE FUTURIST! loves rituals. He feels they keep us sane. He does not mean counting to 20 after locking your front door or always needing to put your right sock on before your left ... though that may keep some poor souls sane. THE FUTURIST! means the kind of rituals that don't involve possible psychiatric treatment. For instance, weekly dinner with a loved one, meeting a friend on Tuesday afternoons for a drink or something like THE FUTURIST!'s weekly ritual of a short, cartoon, movie serial chapter and a main feature in his Thimble Theater. Matthew does something similar ... THE FUTURIST! will let him explain in his OWN words in his introduction:


The Sunday Morning Movie started in 2001, with the general idea being to roll out of bed, hop in the car, put on The Velvet Underground's "Sunday Morning" and drive to the video store to rent the biggest release of the week that I had absolutely no interest in seeing. This served three purposes, the first of which was to catch up on the cultural touchstones or at least what Hollywood wanted to be the cultural touchstones. The second was to ensure that I never became too stuck into arthouse, high-minded, or critically lauded films. Thirdly, it allowed me to justify to myself and my friends watching the mediocre rom-coms I loved (and love) so much. Most of the films I've watched are pretty bad, though some less-so and occasionally they venture into "decent" territory, so proper stand-out gems are hard to consider. Instead of that, here are five notable Sunday Morning Movies.

1.) Zoolander (2001)

This was screened within a month or two of starting the practice. It had flopped at the box office and seemed as though it would be relegated to a footnote in the history of bad Hollywood comedies, but lo and behold, it was not only amusing, it was actually funny. It's surrealist, off-the-wall humour would become more widespread in the coming decade, but it was a genuine surprise at the time. It gave a misplaced sense of justification for the Sunday Morning Movie for a long while.

2.) The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

I am not one to rush out to the theatre to see a horror film generally, and certainly wasn't interested at all in The Great Remake Run of the 00s. That said, one of the most pleasant surprises of the Sunday Morning Movie was to discover how generally watchable these bog-standard horror films are. My heart might sink when I put in the Lizzie McGuire Movie or A Man Apart, but I soon realised that I was actually looking forward to the horror entries. They rarely outstayed their welcome, they were usually self-aware to some degree, and they often included little moments of genuine cleverness or good filmmaking here and there. I chose this one to represent the whole because what really should have been one of the worst (they were really scraping the barrel for things to remake by this point) turned out to be pretty enjoyable. About two-thirds of the way through the horror genre is all but abandoned in favour of a remake of Straw Dogs, cracked glasses and all. The sequel should be avoided though.

3.) Gigli (2003)

Most of the bad movies were just uninspired and dreadfully dull genre retreads, but Gigli was something special. Virtually everything in this film is not only bad, but actively so. So many decisions were so wrong-headed it still boggles my mind to this day that nobody anywhere near this production thought to step in to say, "you know, there doesn't seem to be any good reason for Jennifer Lopez to be a lesbian", or "that bull speech really doesn't make any sense at all." Just when you can't imagine it could possibly get any worse, that ending comes along with the mentally challenged boy and the swimsuit models. Truly awe-inspiring.

4.) Basic (2003)

I was never bored during Basic, which in some ways should put it in the top 30th percentile of Sunday Morning Movies, but you can't look past that ending. People are (rightly) down on M. Night Shyamalan and his preposterous twist endings, but they've got absolutely nothing on this one. As soon as it ended, I had to restrain my friend from throwing the DVD across the room, so he settled for throwing a chair.

5.) Sex Lives of the Potato Men (2004)

The little seen and even less remembered Brit-com Sex Lives of the Potato Men must hold the honour for absolute worst film the Sunday Morning Movie has ever screened. Not only is it stupid and painfully (PAINFULLY) unfunny, it is so disgusting that my friend threw up watching it. Twice.

Thank you, Matthew.
THE FUTURIST! wishes you well.