Thursday, March 24, 2011

Jack De'Ath's Top 5 Vulgar Insults

The innocent appearing & charming Jack De'Ath.
He is seen here at his pub with a slight Artful Dodger-like
air about him and, in THE FUTURIST!'s opinion,
bears a resemblance to a very young Peter Cook.
He has just called the bartender Queen Dick-toria.

THE FUTURIST! considers himself a very proper gentleman. He rarely uses obscenities of any sort while conversing with his erudite friends. Oh, you may hear him exclaim, "Good Pagan Gods!" if he is exasperated or irritated by someone or something, but this is a mere blaspheme to many ... in fact, many don't realize what he is referring to because most believe in their own exclusive white robed bearded deity. Of course, the mention of a belief in many Gods of a paganistic nature will be offensive to some ... if so, they can all burn to Hell in a giant man-made constructed Wicker Man idol while screaming out to their own personal selfish God. To be perfectly honest, THE FUTURIST! doesn't even believe in Pagan Gods. He just says that to rile other individuals.

Enough rambling. This post is dedicated to Jack De'Ath. Jack is a denizen of London, England, but originally from Suffolk, England. He has the most wonderful and coolest last name that THE FUTURIST! has ever encountered in another individual. Can you imagine having the last name DE'ATH? Wow. And it is not made up ... it is real. THE FUTURIST! is not sure, but he wants to imagine that Jack is from some medieval ancestry of English/French origin that was feared by the peasants. HE wants to believe that the De'Ath family tortured their enemies on the rack, stabbed threats to their power interests with ruby studded daggers and used those trick rings with movable tops that secreted poisonous powders which were poured into goblets of wine. Obviously, if this was so, it would seem they lost their plans for evil conquest ... their descendant, Jack De'Ath, is now a pun babbling pub denizen that gets drunk on beer and rides the tube with his friend Thomas Meek and hosts a podcast called LAUGH OUT LOUD LONDON (LOL) which covers the London Comedy scene. His only threatening weapon is his dexterity in verbally hurling a penis insult.

THE FUTURIST! finds Jack De'Ath very entertaining and asked him to compile a Top 5 List of his favorite Vulgar Insults. He asked because Jack loves to hurl these very epithets at everyone including his friends. In actuality, you could really call them terms of insulting endearment. You shall read them below without the usual Top 5 List intro by the guest star. When asked to do so, Jack told THE FUTURIST!: "I'm not doing it, Cock Jockey."







THE FUTURIST! used the URBAN DICTIONARY in order to decipher these insults. You can click on them all (except CRAB FEATURES) for further elucidation. THE FUTURIST! would like to add two other insults that Jack has used that he found alarmingly comic:

Extra Supplemental Vulgar Insults:



COCKTAIL SAUSAGE (referring to his friend's male member)

Thank you, Jack, for your compilation.


Thomas Meek said...

Cuntingdon's disease.

Naomi said...

Jack can call me anything he wants. especially as he pulls my hair while wearing a little tiny cowboy hat.

here's my favorite insult:

Sir Thomas Moore Ass

Jack De'Ath said...

Wow! I'm Slightly disturbed by that last comment.



Thank yuofor you strange insult/medical diagnosis comment.


Who are you? But thank you for the visual.


Yes, it is disturbing, but rather funny ... unless you know Naomi.

Dara said...

Is pleb vulgar? I do like to say it, but I thought it was old-school English.

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