Friday, December 31, 2010

The Last Blog Post of 2010 - The End!


The Gentle of Leisure's Top 5 Not Very Definitive Film List of 2010

The Gentleman of Leisure
seen at the back of his European cinema
trying to locate a preferable seat in the darkness
and being hampered by the fact he is wearing sunglasses.
Or The Gentleman is resting against a pole from which
he is awaiting the ball to drop signaling the beginning
of the New Year of 2011.
Either way ...
he is comfortable and without a care in the world.

It's time once again for another Top 5 List from THE FUTURIST!'s mysterious friend in faraway Europe ... The Gentleman of Leisure. As most readers will recall, The Gentleman lives an idle life of whim and relaxation supported by whatever means necessary and totally unencumbered by worry or stress. A life THE FUTURIST! envies intensely. THE FUTURIST! loves and hates The Gentleman at the very same time. In fact, this battle of emotions causes even more stress for the already neurotic and "on the edge" THE FUTURIST!

Occasionally, The Gentleman sends a new communication to Utter Despair. This time it is his Top 5 List of films he viewed in 2010. As stated below, he did not see as many as he wished, but he cobbled together a roster to delight THE FUTURIST! Delight? Not in the case of I'M STILL HERE which he seems to have included. Well, besides that inclusion, THE FUTURIST! wishes The Gentleman a Happy New Year and wishes to cyber hug him for his contributions during the life of this blog.

THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE'S TOP 5
NOT VERY DEFINITIVE LIST OF FAVORITE FILMS OF 2010
(in descending order)

I found myself loving a lot of films this year, and I didn't even see everything I wanted to, so my top 5 may not be definitive. But, regardless, I'm very fond of all the films here, and couldn't see my list changing too much.

5. MONSTERS
Inspiring for its budget alone, but also natural, beautiful filmmaking.

4. CYRUS
A funny, real and very likable film from The Duplass Brothers.

3. BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS
Complete madness. Caster Troy turns it up to eleven with Werner Herzog at the helm. As Cage says himself in one of many choice quotes: "I just love it!"

2.I'M STILL HERE
I know TF! hated this, but I tried not to read anything about it and saw it soon after it came out. I think that made a big difference in viewing it, I didn't know what I was watching. It could alternately be viewed as rich and brilliantly new, or hollow and pointless. I am in the former camp.

1.GREENBERG
I just love it.


I look forward to another year of being able to watch films!
__________________________________________

THE FUTURIST! is assured you will look forward to another year
of watching films whenever you want to ... in your damnable LEISURE!!

* sigh *

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Top 5 People Born on Dec. 28



Through pure happenstance, THE FUTURIST! discovered that today is the birthday of Lokar20. Lokar20 is not the name of a super villain from Superman comic books (much like Brainiac 5) or the name of a mineral that could be used in the production of nuclear energy sought after by enemy spies. It is NOT, even, the name of a new alcoholic beverage banned in certain East Coast States in America. Lokar20 is the pen name or Twitter moniker of Matthew Henderson who is lokarlly (hee hee) situated in the region of the capital of THE FUTURIST!'s own USA.

THE FUTURIST! knows a bit about Matthew. He was in Scotland for some time. He loves 80s music, likes to watch movies on Sunday mornings and has a soul shaking weakness for fried chicken. He may, also, be a workplace anarchist.

This is his 3rd favorite Christmas song:



and this is his Number One Favorite Track of the 20th Century:



Matthew is a fine writer, as well.
THE FUTURIST! finds momentary pleasure
reading his occasional film and television reviews here.

As stated, THE FUTURIST! found out that today was his birthday
when Matthew commented that "the hot blonde" from TRON LEGACY
(Beau Garret)shared his date of birth.

THE FUTURIST! likes to make Top 5 Lists and he loves inviting others to contribute lists to this blog. A regular contributor has been The Gentleman of Leisure, for instance. THE FUTURIST! also likes to celebrate the birthdays of people he enjoys in some silly creative manner. This is about to be attempted.

THE FUTURIST!'s TOP 5 PEOPLE BORN
ON THE SAME DAY AS MATTHEW HENDERSON
(December 28)


1. Double Academy Award Winning Actress MAGGIE SMITH - 76

2. Portrayer of Lieutenant Uhura on Star Trek NICHELLE NICHOLS - 78

3. Saturday Night Live Writer & Performer SETH MEYERS - 37

4. ANOTHER Double Academy Award Winning Actor DENZEL WASHINGTON - 56

5. American Idol Runner-Up DAVID ARCHULETA - 20

Happy Birthday to all!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Ice Station Utter Despair

THE FUTURIST!'s backyard the night of 12/26/10
Expecting blizzard to intensify.
In the background you can see the searchlight
of a neighboring secret government internment compound
disguised as a normal looking suburban New Jersey home.
Someone escaped during the wintry deluge.


The next morning.
Same scene after end of blizzard.
It was so quiet.
THE FUTURIST! had to go out to clean up.
The winds were blasting at 50 mph.
Drifts were quite high.
The back door was covered in snow.
THE FUTURIST! had to get out through an upstairs window.
The huge drifts cushioned his fall.
No one was hurt.



This is THE FUTURIST!'s car.
Through the miracle of brutal Mother Nature's grace,
the back of the car was spared any cover of snow.
However, the front was a bitch to uncover.



Evidence of the depth of Winter's cruelty.
Actual trudging indentations
of THE FUTURIST!'s boot clad feet
are pictured for your awe.


This photo shows the length of THE FUTURIST!'s driveway.
It is a horrific 80 feet long macadam landing/launching
pad for his modest economy automobile.
Please peruse the snow wall in front of garage.
It was terrifying.
SIDE NOTE:
Neighbor child believed that those foot prints
were from a Tauntaun which is a species
of omnivorous reptomammals who were
indigenous to the ice planet Hoth in STAR WARS.
*direct definition from
Wikipedia


Using a household carpentry ruler,
THE FUTURIST! was able to ascertain that
the snowfall was 22 inches in depth.
He later went into the house and passed out
due to over exertion from snow removal.
He is currently easing the pain in his back
with a champagne ice bucket.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Saturday Music for a Rebel Christmas

THE FUTURIST! wishes all his faithful and unfaithful readers
a very Merry Christmas. May your day be full of cheer and lovely food
and drink that will fill you with a glow of contentment.

THE FUTURIST! is going to visit family today and will be away from
Utter Despair, N.J. for several hours. Of course, he is only traveling
to Ennui, N.J. which is only an empty vodka bottle's throw from Utter Despair.
But, he will try to enjoy himself and have some white wine with his fowl,
which should dull the pain of stuffy annoying relatives and greedy children
feverishly clawing at festive colored wrapped boxes.

Please enjoy this bit of Saturday music about Christmas that posits
the meaning of such a day minus the materialism.

Listen and enjoy the day:


THE REBEL JESUS
performed by Jackson Browne and The Chieftains

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Gift Impulse Purchase


THE FUTURIST! does NOT want this for Christmas.

*thanks to Sybil Liberty for this wonderful idea.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Sagittarius Birthday Salute



We shall soon say goodbye to 2010
and today we say goodbye to the year's Horoscope Birthday Salutes
performed by the honey throated crooner Harvey Sid Fisher.

THE FUTURIST! finds Harvey leaving us with his salute
to the astrological sign of Sagittarius.
Harvey is singing of the traits of those born under
this symbol, but in many ways , THE FUTURIST! feels
he is singing, in a coded manner, about his love life.
The red haired dancer is gone ... again.
She has been playing with Harvey's heart throughout the year
and luring Harvey on with her on again, off again prancing.
But this time melancholy Harvey sings this:

"...things don't always work out as I planned.
I'll get hurt, but I'll heal and say Ready, Lord, your deal.
I feel lucky let's play one more hand."

He ends with optimism and glances to the brunette dancer
who has appeared several times, but who has not been as
aggressively flirting as that sultry redhead.

Now, Harvey notices her ... and a new flame stirs in his heart.
And ... in a beautiful filmed gesture of symbolism,
the song ends with a superimposed shot of the dancer's
hand over Harvey's tuxedo clad heart.

Goodbye, Harvey. Happy New Year.
May Management still comp you free drinks during
your performances. And may they be not watered down.

A Moment with Liquor: Sean Connery Wishes You a Merry Christmas with Jim Beam

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Saturday Music for Ominous Karaoke

THE FUTURIST! doesn't dance. Unless he is truly inebriated.
THE FUTURIST! doesn't sing. Unless he is truly inebriated.
Of course, the dancing and singing, in the inebriated status, can't be truly defined as dancing and singing in the true definition of dancing and singing. It would be a form of warbling and physical gyration that represented the "idea" of dancing and singing induced by manic joy. But, isn't that still fun?

THE FUTURIST! has expressed musical joy,
as related in this post of almost a year ago
(CLICK HERE!)

Though, not entirely under the influence of two 3 olive martinis, THE FUTURIST! recalls his being dared to perform karaoke at The Third Man Cinema Pub. Attendance that evening was somewhat light, most likely due to it being Charles Grodin Night. Not everyone is a fan of the dry comedic actor, sadly.

Late that evening, THE FUTURIST! took to the small stage dressed in his favorite charcoal gray suit, white shirt, pin-striped pink tie and saddle shoes. Fleming Clamdish, THE FUTURIST!'s friend had just performed a rendition of YOUR SONG by Elton John. THE FUTURIST! prodded by his aide de camp haiku and Clamdish selected the song below first performed by The Go-Gos. The version you will hear below is performed in a more sinister, less energetic manner than the feisty hyper energetic 80s females and their cherubic lead singer. This cover version is perfect for a non-singing voice laced with sadness and regret. Oh, and there is a nice cello musical injection included. Always a plus. (By the way, look at that singer's hair. Imagine losing your house key in that hedge-like brush top? You would be searching for hours)

This version fit THE FUTURIST! perfectly ... as perfect as a nattily tightened bow tie, pin stripe suspenders and argyle sweater vest. Imagine, if you will, THE FUTURIST! standing stage center with the blue tinged aura of The Third Man Cinema Pub spotlight bathing his thin inert frame as you ...

Listen:


OUR LIPS ARE SEALED
performed by Fun Boy Three

Friday, December 17, 2010

A Word from THE FUTURIST!

THE FUTURIST! is not feeling very well. The last 2 days have beset him with a flu of sorts ... he feels tired, has recurring headaches and has muscle aches. He feels very fatigued. There is some nasal congestion and loss of appetite. Therefore, posts from Utter Despair, N.J. will be sporadic, if not even absent. There shall be a Saturday music post tomorrow. It has been planned in advance. THE FUTURIST! apologizes for "calling in sick", but it can't be helped. He feels even worse because he wanted to write about the recent death of one of his favorite directors Blake Edwards. Well, he will eventually. This will give him time to think more about what he can write. THE FUTURIST! loves to write about the Past, because The Future is rarely bright.

Now, he must take a nap.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Great Opening Credit Sequence Theater #2



The great director Blake Edwards along with Henry Mancini music.
From the epic 60s comedy adventure THE GREAT RACE.
A slapstick extravaganza.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Saturday Music for Saturday Nights

At times of restlessness and stress, especially at the Holiday season, there is nothing like a bit of Neil Hannon and The Divine Comedy. THE FUTURIST! has posted many of The Divine Comedy's pieces of musical masterworks in the life of this blog as Saturday Music posts. Today ... there shall be another.

The Divine Comedy always provides THE FUTURIST! with pure melody, lovely lyrics and the warming warbling of Neil Hannon. What more can a cynic ask for? Like a comforting bromide, The Divine Comedy allows THE FUTURIST! to decompress and relax after a trying day.

After Mr. Burt Bacharach there can be no other, but Neil Hannon and The Divine Comedy. Please enjoy this pleasant piece that reminisces about one's youthful days of frivolity and flirting at a place of solace away from the realities of the day. At the Indie Disco ... for THE FUTURIST! it is THE THIRD MAN CINEMA PUB.

Listen:


AT THE INDIE DISCO
performed by The Divine Comedy

Thursday, December 9, 2010

"Dream Things That Never Were and I Say Why Not?"

THE FUTURIST! has had trouble sleeping. His schedule is playing havoc with the ON AND OFF Switch in his brain. He, also, has awoken with sinus problems leading to him to NOT being able to relax. He is then not able to fall back asleep due to the nasal pressure which begins to give him a headache. Once he arises, the pressure eases. Oh, it's a seasonal problem he has never really encountered before with this much intensity. Because of this clogged up congo line of congestion, THE FUTURIST! has been having strange dreams. As always, when this occurs THE FUTURIST! hooks up the Dr. Seussonoras Cerebral Slumber Image Sensor machine (patent pending) to his temples while asleep. This marvelous mechanism records visuals that are manifested in the noggin during the night.

Example recorded December 8,2010:


Incredible. A psychedelic gyrating jumble involving the strumming of a phallic instrument. After this kaleidoscope of craziness the dream led to a psychosexual scene* involving an argyle sweater vest, a collection of Hardy Boys mysteries, bare feet and a Benedictine Monk's hooded cloak.

* The Seussonoras Cerebral Slumber Image Sensor (patent pending) does not record the naughty stuff. It has a parental lock installed that does not permit Internet transmission.

Kudos to THE OCTOPUS PROJECT

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Pearl Harbor Day - Fact and Michael Bay


__________________________________________________________

FICTION is always in WIDEscreen:


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Saturday Music for THE FUTURIST! in New York

In 2007, THE FUTURIST! assisted his good friend Michael move his books, clothing and other living essentials to a room, of sorts, at a building owned by The School of Visual Arts on Lexington Ave and East 23rd Street in Manhattan. Michael was attempting to achieve his goal of a graduate's degree in Art Criticism. The room was nothing but a large closet. A bunk bed that had no lower berth. Instead it had an attached desk that one could sit at with his head bowed and back arched. One window ... fogged with grime and a view of a brick wall. A bathroom with a sink, toilet and shower with no curtain. The air conditioner did not work. The window was quite difficult to raise. THE FUTURIST! assisted his friend in bringing all his belongings into the room. Clothes went into a meager closet and the boxes of books were placed on the floor. Michael had too many books. The amount of books caused a zig-zagging path to the bathroom or window. It was incredibly dreary. THE FUTURIST! and his friend sat on the floor and sighed. This was were his friend was to live for the next year, at least. The melancholy of the environs was overwhelming. THE FUTURIST! saw sadness envelop his friend.

For many months thereafter, THE FUTURIST! would visit his friend in New York. He would take NJ Transit bus 164 from Utter Despair into the Port Authority on 8th between 40th and 42nd Streets. He would walk there to Lexington and down to East 23rd Street to meet his friend for a weekend day. This happened no matter the season. This was THE FUTURIST! really true introduction to Manhattan and an area of it he had never traveled to ... he saw Art Galleries, Kim's Video on St. Mark's Place, went to the MoMA, ate in various restaurants and enjoyed the sensations of his friend's bohemian existence.

THE FUTURIST! was never a coffee drinker, but his friend introduced him to the pleasures of delicious black coffee with no milk, no sugar. Black and hot. Many times he and his friend sat in coffee shops near the East 20s drinking and talking. Many times as they walked people would stop them to ask directions or where such and such an address was located. These people would always direct the query to THE FUTURIST! and not his friend. It was odd. The strangers assumed THE FUTURIST! was the New Yorker. Was it his demeanor, his clothing, his sense of self? Friend Michael was the actual New Yorker in a sense. He was very familiar with his surroundings and led THE FUTURIST! about, but for some reason, THE FUTURIST! seemed to be the one they felt comfortable with to approach. THE FUTURIST!'s friend was taller, attractive and had more of a confident presence, yet THE FUTURIST! was the one these people kept their eyes on for assistance. This always irked Michael's ego.

The song below was heard by THE FUTURIST! in a cafe one cold New York day as he waited for his friend. He had a few cups of coffee and sat at a small window table in his wool top coat. Due to limited space a young woman came to the same table and sat near THE FUTURIST! She asked him several questions in halted English about the neighborhood. Her accent sounded French. She was very pleasant and friendly. THE FUTURIST! had no idea what she was talking about ... but it was such a relaxing experience. She kept calling him a New Yorker. She asked if he was famous. What? She liked his coat and asked if he lived in New York for a long time. She seemed to be visiting the area to see a friend who sang at a cabaret or something. Her sing song voice and charm lulled THE FUTURIST! as he smiled and nodded and said what he could interject in between her rapid speech. It was one of those moments one experiences that makes everything disappear. All woes, all despair, all future and present and past raise from the hard cold ground like mist and dissipate. Eventually, the girl got up, said goodbye and walked out the door into the cold windy day. THE FUTURIST! saw her figure disappear past a the edge of his view from the window. He will never forget those brief moments in his Life.

Listen:


ENGLISHMAN IN NEW YORK
performed by Sting

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

See You Next Wednesday!

Happy 75th Birthday WOODY ALLEN Edition (Dec. 1, 1935)


MANHATTAN MURDER MYSTERY (1993)
dir: Woody Allen

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Moment with Liquor: Burt Bacharach and Angie Dickinson with Martini & Rossi on the Rocks



Ah ... yes, Burt ... yes .. SAY YES!

Yes, Burt Bacharach wrote the Martini & Rossi jingle.
It is short, but sweet and gets to the point.

By the way: this might be Burt's best singing performance ever.

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service



There is nothing like religious based comedy using hand puppets.
Truly faithful people have the best senses of humor and comedy zingers.
THE FUTURIST! wishes to thank Willie & Jim Pollard for the soul-lifting
treat of introducing everyone to the R&T Puppets.

Make sure to stay with this routine for the moral lessons learned
and the wonderful warbling by Terry and Annette the puppet.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Saturday Music for Autumnal Thoughts

November 2010 is a few days away from departing the present. It will soon be the past. The recent past and the not so recent and finally a haze of long ago thoughts. Another Autumn month of cooler temperatures. The leaves of trees dying in bursts of golden yellow, red, orange, yellow and browns. Occasional days of sudden warmth and waning sun. Days that you might just need a sweater or cardigan. The sounds of a football game from a nearby High School wafting through the air. The crunch of dead leaves beneath your feet. The smells of a Thanksgiving dinner being prepared ... roasting turkey and baking pies. Another November.

The song below feels like November to THE FUTURIST! and it says a lot about how he feels at this time of year. Sad? Yes. Wistful? Oh, yes. Regretful? Lonely? Uh ... most definitely. It is the beginning of the "holiday season" and all that it brings ... mostly memories of lost times. There are friends and family that may surround you, but at times you can feel like one of those big Maple trees ... slowly being denuded of your color and richness ... finally alone and feeling cold ... branches stark against that steely gray sky. And you wait .. for renewal.

For those of you not loading a small caliber revolver with one bullet or practicing a hangman's noose out of heavy Navy hemp rope after reading the above paragraph of melancholy, please allow THE FUTURIST! to ask you to read the lyrics to this song as you ...

Listen:

So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away
'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever go away
Just like thinking of your childhood home
But we cant go back we're on our own
Oh,
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be alone
So please understand if I dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
Ohh..
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself



NOVEMBER
performed by Azure Ray

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving from Utter Despair N.J.

THE FUTURIST! hopes to try and make it to
the annual Thanksgiving Parade today in Utter Despair, NJ
As is the tradition, several residents dress in Pilgrim regalia and
chase a Man/Turkey Hybrid down the main town boulevard.

The Man/Turkey Hybrid is played each year by
a special guest star voted on by the town population.
This year it is played by Hal Veener who works at the
recycling center and does weekly pickups of paper products,
cans, glass and plastic containers.

The delight of the Man/Turkey Hybrid is that it is usually
played by someone the town dislikes at the moment.
Hal is known for tossing recycling barrels onto residents' lawns,
in the street and in their bushes. He is seen kicking them and
causing them to crack and dent. Occasionally, he will leave stray
newspapers and bottles behind in the gutter, if he
misses pitching them into the back of his truck.
He is a big annoying lazy jerk.

Why would he accept the role?
Because he receives a day off from work, four new radial tires,
a gift certificate to The Utter Despair Diner
(one free meal and dessert)
and a plaque honoring his run in the traditional parade.
Of course, this is if he outruns the "Pilgrims" ...
if he doesn't, he is trussed up and put in a stockade
in Utter Despair Park on
Black Friday, the biggest shopping day in town
and shoppers will heckle him as they search for sales.

Last year, the cranky lady from the library was
in the running ... she outran the "Pilgrims", but
passed out and hit her head on the curb.
She actually thinks she is a turkey, now.
It was sad.
But, she did win the prizes.

The run is from the border of Utter Despair and nearby Ennui, N.J.
to the other end of town at the border of Bergman Township.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, and congrats to Sue Loo,
co-owner of Emperor Ming's Mongo Palace,
(best Chinese in New Jersey!)
for being the 1st Asian Pilgrim
in the traditional ritual this year!
Utter Despair is an equal opportunity re-enactor employer.

Lest We Forget ...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

THE FUTURIST! Provides You With a Behind the Scenes Re-Enactment of the Basic TSA Screening Procedures



THE FUTURIST! hopes you all have a safe Holiday travel experience
with the added pleasure of groin stimulation or cancer causing
microwave x-ray exposure.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit



THE FUTURIST! wants it stated that he really only
likes two Nicolas Cage films:

THE ROCK
and
VAMPIRE'S KISS

Otherwise, he can't stand him.

A special internet hug to
Andrew Grant alias Filmbrain,
who brought this fantastic wrenching video
to the attention of THE FUTURIST!

Filmbrain, THE FUTURIST! loves you.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service



Willie Pollard, THE FUTURIST! doesn't know if
The Lord does, but THE FUTURIST!, in his loving way,
forgives you for your whining.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Saturday Music about Lydia and her Tattoos

THE FUTURIST! always feels that a little bit of Groucho Marx can give him a big lift when he feels blue or not feeling that the world is right. THE FUTURIST! had to get up very very early today to attend a business function that was dreary, boring, full of verbal bull manure and not worth his time. However ... it was mandatory that he attend. Afterwards he did have a nice hearty breakfast, with a friend, at a quaint little independently owned cafe in Rutherford, NJ. He had a Swiss cheese and mushroom omelet, hash browns, rye toast and coffee. It was good and quite filling. THE FUTURIST! had no idea today what to post as a music entry for this Saturday, but he decided he still needed a bit more spirit lifting ... more than the omelet could achieve. So, he thought of Groucho and his signature song (other than Hooray for Captain Spaulding).

THE FUTURIST! chose this rendition done by a much older Groucho. This is from The Dick Cavett Show from the 70s. There is another rendition from the film AT THE CIRCUS, on YouTube, that is livelier and faster, but THE FUTURIST! loves the old Groucho warbling this tune and still feeling his younger self as he struts and wiggles his eyebrows. It is slower and he muffs some pronunciations, but it's still Groucho and that's good no matter what his age is or yours.

Listen:


LYDIA THE TATTOOED LADY
written by Harold Arlen & Yip Harburg
sung by Groucho Marx

Friday, November 19, 2010

It's Friday and it's Time for Canine CPR Class



THE FUTURIST! heard a story about an Utter Despair resident who once tried to perform respiratory rescue on his French Bulldog, who was named Francois.

Due to the fact that Francois' breath smelled like sardines
and a pile of rotting yard compost, the story goes that the
dog owner had to be given CPR after his initial attempt to revive
his pet. It was horrible. Man and his Best Friend unconscious.
This story has been told over and over again to new neighbors
on Murder at the Vicarage Road in Utter Despair, N.J.

THE FUTURIST! isn't sure if it is true, but he did see
(with his own eyes)
a flying cat wearing jodhpurs and a small pith helmet
over on the corner of Odd and End one Friday night.
THE FUTURIST! was returning from The Third Man Cinema Tavern at the time.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thursdays Mean One Thing: Prison Strip Search Day



THE FUTURIST! wishes you to remember this:

"Keep in Mind ... YOU are ordering a naked person to obey you."

Also ... please relax your rectal muscles to avoid suspicion.

WARNING:
These procedures may be instituted soon at an airport near you!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Scorpio Birthday Salute



Harvey's Scorpio song is rather odd.
He sings of the characteristics of the birth sign,
but he then denies them. Is he implying that Scorpios are deceptive?

Harvey seems a bit stiff. Maybe too many cocktails.
The fiery redhead dancer is really turning on the oomph.
And she really gives Harvey the lust look at the very end
and seems to move in for the kill. Hubba Hubba, Harvey.

Next month will be the last song.
Will they finally find love and not
just this bad nightclub flirtation?

It's Monday and THE FUTURIST! Doesn't Know if He Looks Like it, But He Feels Like ...



Most overused line in movies? Hmmm ...

Courtesy of Forces of Geek
brought to THE FUTURIST!'s attention
by The Warner Archive via Twitter.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service



And to think THE FUTURIST! only thought
a saw was good for cutting off tree branches.

Willie Pollard remarks (at end of video)
that the saw is a "unique instrument".
THE FUTURIST!, however, feels that the saw
should never be placed anywhere near his crotch
so close to his own "unique instrument".

Crotch of a tree? Okay.
Crotch of THE FUTURIST! to play a song?
Uh ... no.

Amen.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Saturday Music with a Dark Tone but a Good Beat

A long time ago, THE FUTURIST! heard a band called Gruppo Sportivo. He knew a young man, at the time, who had hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of vinyl records stored in his Mom's apartment in Passaic , NJ. The records lined an entire wall. He had the American release of an record ... for instance, Elvis Costello, and then he had an import version from Japan or elsewhere. It was amazing. THE FUTURIST!'s friend was an encyclopedia of knowledge regarding music. His passion was music. THE FUTURIST! always thought and still feels that it is our passions that drive us to continue this journey of Life. Without the passion, we are nothing. It is the passion for music, art, film, sports, food or whatever that keep us diverted from the horrors of our existence. It is the mask that hides the skull at the costume party of Life.

Whew!

THE FUTURIST! apologizes for that dreary Edgar Allan Poe allusion, but it is how he feels. His passion is film. THE FUTURIST! loves film and reading about film. THE FUTURIST!'s friend Valentino loved music. He heard it in his head all day ... at his work, as he drove his car, when he ate and when he nodded off to sleep. THE FUTURIST! relied on him to introduce him to music he never knew existed. Valentino was one of the eccentrics in THE FUTURIST!'s life that enhanced each minute being in his company. Unfortunately, THE FUTURIST! has lost track of his friend from the past ... the future took over and those days of his comradeship are mere memories. What happened to Valentino? What happened to all those records? Anywho, THE FUTURIST! can be assured that wherever he is, Valentino's mind is still abuzz with melody.

The Dutch band called Gruppo Sportivo was one of the bands that he introduced THE FUTURIST to ... and he loved it. This particular song entitled HENRI is all about a sadistic romance. Listen to the words, but please excuse the awful visual patchwork put together by the poster of this song on YouTube. You will hear all about the pleading of a woman for her swain to return to her ... you will hear about her love of money that may be more of her passion than amour. And you will hear about murder. Enjoy.

Listen:


HENRI
performed by Gruppo Sportivo

Friday, November 12, 2010

When Movie Posters Were Worth Looking At # 2

One of THE FUTURIST!'s
favorite films of his viewing life.
The poster is pretty good, too.
Beautiful illustrative artwork
by Richard Amsel.
He created some fantastic poster art
during his short life span.

Monday, November 8, 2010

THE FUTURIST! Provides Silly Blog Filler



One day in Utter Despair, NJ, the Child Welfare
Authorities were called out to the shopping district
after it was discovered that a parent, while shopping
in the Odds and Ends Emporium, tied their 3 yr old
(with a full diaper)
to a NO PARKING sign in front of the store.
But, THE FUTURIST! has never heard of a parent in
Utter Despair, NJ placing their child in a hollowed
out watermelon and filming it for YouTube.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Alarm Clock

This past early Sunday morning THE FUTURIST! had to set his clocks back one hour for the usual seasonal Standard Time setting. It is quite a tedious chore to go around changing every wall clock or clock radio in the house. It is very important that THE FUTURIST! makes sure his bedroom alarm clock is set correctly. He does not want it awakening him at the wrong hour. It is a special video alarm clock designed by Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Dr. Seussonoras fabricated it especially for THE FUTURIST! ... it starts his day off in the perfect Utter Despair manner.

Observe:


THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service


THE FUTURIST! salutes (in a non-Facist manner)
lovable Brooklyn, NY radical Michael Lieberman for pointing
out the wonderful videos of Strolling Down Memory Lane
Twitter: @michaelagrammar

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Saturday Music for The Gentleman of Leisure

THE FUTURIST! dedicates this Saturday's music offering to his European friend The Gentleman of Leisure, who can claim today as the anniversary of his birth 24 years ago. The song posted below is by Billy Joel and is entitled VIENNA. THE FUTURIST! loves this song and it's Kurt Weill inspired piano tinkling. THE FUTURIST! owns that very Billy Joel album. He feels this song best fits The Gentleman's current life of ease. The lyrics imply not to rush, to enjoy and do what you need to do for just yourself ... Life progresses at the same rate for us all. As THE FUTURIST! understands it, Vienna is a metaphor for a future place of happiness and well-being. Perhaps, THE FUTURIST! will find his Vienna away from Utter Despair, too.

So, this song, with its melancholy instrumental sound imbues a sense of optimism. It fits The Gentleman. THE FUTURIST! sees The Gentleman kicking back in his usual European haunts and sighing with laconic pleasure today. Besides this vision, TF! wants to acknowledge that today is, also, the birthday of his faraway friend Dara Moroney (who you can read about here). Dara is one of the most amiable people, with a driving ambition, THE FUTURIST! knows ... a bit different than The Gentleman oddly. Oh, wait ... today is, also, the birthday of THE FUTURIST!'s friend in faraway Ireland, Detective Cannon of the Galway police department. What a day of birthday cake over eating! Great Pagan Gods ... good thing THE FUTURIST! isn't overseas in their company today. He would have severe sugar overload ... or too much Guinness or whiskey.

Happy Birthday, to all the gentleman mentioned above.
THE FUTURIST! thinks of you all as one this Saturday
and sends you his very best of wishes for happiness.

Listen:


VIENNA
written and performed by Billy Joel

Friday, November 5, 2010

Jill Clayburgh - Apr 30, 1944 - Nov 5, 2010


This evening THE FUTURIST! learned of the death of actress Jill Clayburgh due to a battle with chronic leukemia. The sudden news came as quite a surprise. Clayburgh was an actress that left a great impression on THE FUTURIST! in his younger days. She has done some work, mostly television, in her later years, but she seemed almost forgotten in his mind ... and the reality of her passing brought back grand memories of two specific performances that he'll never forget.

THE YOUNG FUTURIST! saw her wonderful emotional performance in Paul Mazursky's AN UNMARRIED WOMAN. This was a film that THE FUTURIST! can't even imagine being made today for adult audiences. It was a specific beautifully written "woman's picture" from 1978. This was a film that was fully afloat due to this single performance by Clayburgh. A woman is unceremoniously dumped by her cheating husband and left alone with her teenage daughter. The scene where she learns of his plans to leave her is so painful to watch. Clayburgh leaves this brief brutal moment of cold disengagement and walks the streets of Manhattan slowly staggering, trying to make sense of what had just happened ... sick to her stomach by the tipsy turn of events in her even keeled world. The character's emotions are played out on her face and her pain and puzzlement is evident by the master strokes of her acting. The film continues on, as does Clayburgh's character, trying to find a new life for herself and becoming stronger as an independent woman. The film was even beater due to the co-starring role by Alan Bates (a THE FUTURIST! favorite who he briefly met one New York day outside a Broadway theater) as an abstract painter who becomes the new man in her life. But, AN UNMARRIED WOMAN doesn't go where you expect it to go ... the movie is as strong as it's protagonist and never flinches in its truth.

The other film wherein Clayburgh left an impression was the romantic comedy directed by Alan J. Pakula entitled STARTING OVER. Clayburgh plays a lonely mousy school teacher who meets Burt Reynolds' recently divorced character. The fears, sadness, determination, insecurity and other mixtures of emotion a mature woman trying to decide to act on in her yearning for a connection are beautifully expressed. This is a comedy, but there are real emotions here regarding men and women reaching that point in life where they feel the human need for love could be gone forever after a certain age. It's a very satisfying film ... another kind of film that is not made today. A film about mature adult people in love.

THE YOUNG FUTURIST! loved both these films and the fondness for them and the great talent of a truly great actress still stays with THE ADULT THE FUTURIST! They also bring back memories to THE FUTURIST! of people he was accompanied by when he saw each film. The sad death of Ms. Clayburgh stirs many memories ... of a great actress gone, a style of intelligent American film no longer made and people of our past who are lost except in our mind's eye.

A brief scene from AN UNMARRIED WOMAN:


Thursday, November 4, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Song Cover (Your Ears)

THE FUTURIST! introduces a new feature (an experiment, if you allow) wherein he will hunt out a perfectly affecting cover of a popular tune by YouTube enthusiasts and post it for your perusal and ear drums. Most likely, you will listen to a bit and parachute out of this blog like it is a burning British Spitfire hurtling toward the fields of Devonshire after being hit by a Messerschmidt ace pilot. THE FUTURIST! just finds it so funny, horrifying and oddly heartwarming to know and see that there are people out there who want to sing and feel they can sing or play an instrument and so forth. This strange mixture of emotions made him feel that you, too, should experience these moments of 15 minutes of internet fame ... or will it be 15 seconds after you click away?

First up:

A rendition of The Beatles' MARTHA MY DEAR:

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Appliance Dancing



Let's jump into November with this beautiful dance dedicated to materialism.
Yes ... the Holiday Season is already evident in the stores around Utter Despair.
The economy is in the dumper ... no one has money ... jobs are scarce ...
hours at work are being cut ... and guess what? The retailers want us to BUY!
Let's rejoice with a pagan-like ballroom dance dedicated to the love of buying.
Things haven't really changed, dear readers ... this is 2010, but America still
loved their stoves and refrigerators in 1957, too. Dance, Fools, DANCE!!
For tomorrow, you go into debt! American materialism ... what bliss.

Monday, November 1, 2010

A Good Cast is Worth Repeating!

Thank you to the following for their aid, participation,
contributions and inspiration in this year's blog posts
extolling the excitement of SHOCKtober!

Universal Pictures
U.S. Postal Service
Dracula
Tchaikovsky
The Gentleman of Leisure
The Self Styled Siren
Kharis the Mummy
Christopher Lee
Peter Cushing
Jocelin Donahue
Carter Burwell
Thomas Meek
Dara Moroney
Utter Despair Public School System
Mel Brooks
Gene Wilder
Modesty Blaise
The Creature from the Black Lagoon
Kenner Toys
GHOSTBUSTERS
The Monsters Crash the Pajama Party DVD
Vincent Price
Peter Lorre
H.P. Lovecraft
Henry Mancini
The Amazing Frollo
Guy in Gorilla Suit
and Scantily Clad Girl
David J. Skal
WHAT'S MY LINE?
Basil Rathbone
LEISY'S LIGHT BEER
Dr. Steven Seussonoras
Charles Addams
Patricia Highsmith
Gabriel Yared
Cloaked Satanists with torches
Harvey Sid Fisher
and
The Faithful Fans in SCOTLAND

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Gentleman of Leisure's Top 5 Scary Songs to Avoid Before Bedtime

The Gentleman of Leisure
hides in the shadows of SHOCKtober
looking menacing, yet still well-dressed
and without a care in the world.

The Gentleman of Leisure has agreed to contribute, as he did last year, a Top 5 List with a SHOCKtober theme. The Gentleman resides in Europe, specifically Scotland, though he is from the Emerald Isle known as Ireland. THE FUTURIST! does not know what plans The Gentleman has in store for his European Halloween, but it will probably involve dressing in a dapper manner, wearing sunglasses and doing little else. THE FUTURIST! does not envision The Gentleman of Leisure actually trick or treating door to door. He would probably have the treats brought to him and politely thank the donor. What scares The Gentleman? Most likely the prospect of having an actual 9 to 5 job or doing manual labor ... but, below you will find 5 songs that The Gentleman finds too disturbing to listen to before your head hits the pillow at night.

THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE'S TOP 5 LIST
OF SCARY SONGS TO AVOID BEFORE BEDTIME

(intro by The Gentleman)

I'm sure there are thousands of terrifying records out there that would scare me to no end, but I generally don't seek them out. Scary is not something I look for in my music. However, there are still certain songs in my collection that I would think twice about playing before going to sleep. So, this is a list of scary songs within the realm of my musical tastes. Listening to this assemblage I can see some common features; drony feedback, scratching guitars, discordant vocals, and prominent synths. Nothing chilling, in fact all things I like. But, under the right conditions, these songs can be quite eerie. If in doubt, imagine listening to them in bed, in the dark, before dreaming. Better yet - give it a go!

1. IN CAMERA - DIE LAUGHING




2. GARY NUMAN - PRAY





3. THE BIRTHDAY PARTY - DEAD JOE




4. KURT COBAIN & WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS - THE PRIEST




5. KLAUS NOMI - KEYS OF LIFE



Thank you, Gentleman of Leisure ...
you may continue to sit back and enjoy life.

Candy Corn Cones

Halloween in Utter Despair, N.J.
is about to end for 2010 and the town
council put out an order to remove all
festive candy corn traffic cones.
They were to be gathered together and put
into storage for next SHOCKtober.

U.S. Postal Monsters

THE FUTURIST!
has this actual sheet
of commemorative postage stamps
honoring the Universal Monster films.
The scary thing is to think they were
only 32 cents at the time.

Good Midnight on Halloween To YOU!



WATCH THE HYPNO SWIRL
AND LISTEN TO THE VOICE ...

YES ...
YES ... YES ... YES ...

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Saturday Music to Neck By

When was THE FUTURIST! introduced to classical music? Why, it was when, as a very THE YOUNG THE FUTURIST! he first saw DRACULA (1931) on a Saturday Night horror movie show. The stirring haunting strains of Swan Lake begin as Tod Browning's directed production, starring Bela Lugosi, title cards flicker on the screen. DRACULA has no musical soundtrack ... supposedly, according to film historians, Universal did not have the money or technology to have a recorded musical soundtrack added to the vampire potboiler ... it was very early in the talkie stage of film history. Why the production team decided to have Tchaikovsky begin the film is a mystery ... why not another classical piece? The odd thing is, Universal uses the same strains of this ballet in the opening title sequence of THE MUMMY (1932) with Boris Karloff. The decision to use this music has forever made THE FUTURIST!'s ears perk up and think of Bela and Boris, instead of tutus and a pas a deux.

The following video below will show scenes from DRACULA and then NOSFERATU. Please remember that the Murneau silent classic has nothing to do with this piece of music. Nosferatu was another neck biter, but never appeared on THE YOUNG FUTURIST!'s favorite horror movie line-up until much much later in life.

Listen ... the children of the night ...
What music they make!



composed by Tchaikovsky
used in title sequence of
DRACULA (1931)

Friday, October 29, 2010

Scary Spelling

THE FUTURIST! snapped this picture today
at a school near Utter Despair, N.J.
This school's outside calendar menu board
visually emphasizes the great respect
Utter Despair and it's surrounding sad towns
have for the English language.
Shocking.
Absolootly shoking.

(click on image for full shock)


SHOCKtober Rising

THE FUTURIST! took a stroll through Lovecraft Hills
located at the outer reaches of Utter Despair, N.J.
After parking his automobile, THE FUTURIST!
proceeded across the public parking lot and
heard some odd deep rumbling noises emanating
from below his feet.

Earthquake?

He looked down and saw thin cracks in the macadam
of the lot beginning to ripple and branch out.

Hellish tentacled monster emerging from the ground?

THE FUTURIST! went back to his car and got
his digital camera and decided to record the evidence
of what he was witnessing for this distinguished blog.
After snapping the picture, THE FUTURIST!
scurried back to his car like a frightened rabbit.
(a name he was given when he was 7 years old by the
other children at Sylvia Plath Elementary School)
He then started his car and drove away like a Formula One racer.

The Amazing Frollo's Opening Act



The above Simian and Stripper Act was recreated for The Amazing Frollo's
Halloween Magic Show opening act last SHOCKtober. Ironically, The Amazing Frollo
disappeared from Utter Despair , N.J. this year. This would mean this was
the most successful disappearing act of his entire career. Congrats!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Scare You Next Wednesday!


HORROR HOTEL (1960)
aka The City of the Dead
dir: John Llewellyn Moxey

SHOCKtober Reading


THE FUTURIST! is more than half way done with this
interesting, informative and entertaining cultural
history of horror entertainment in American society.
The author, David J. Skal, has contributed many
DVD audio commentaries to classic Universal horror
films and is an expert on the subject of cinematic terror.
Mr. Skal illustrates how war, disease and the European
influences in literature, art and German expressionism
had their impacts on the beginnings of horror films
as an American entertainment.
He finely combs over each decade and the changing
tastes of horror on the screen, stage and even comic book
depictions of monsters and gruesome death in the 1950s.
The book is full of photographs, but not too many to stifle
the informational text in the book's 400 page length.
Your eye will absorb so much wonderful knowledge
of the macabre interest of the public via entertainment
mediums from The Grand Guignol of Paris in the late 1800s
to the SCREAM franchise of the 20th century.
THE FUTURIST! recommends this book heartily.