Thursday, March 31, 2011

The American Dream

THE FUTURIST! knows this movie is held with great disregard, but he has a warm spot in his heart for the acting and the overheated story line about a how the oil industry tries to stop the discovery of a secret old Nazi formula to create energy from synthetic means. The greedy capitalist businessmen won't even stop from murder. Here is a scene that says a lot about America featuring the always boiling mad George C. Scott and the hard to understand Marlon Brando. Marlon's characterization is still engrossing. He wears some kind of prosthetic upper teeth to create a lisping speech pattern. Rumor has it that he decided the character should wear a hearing aid. Not for any quirky Method Acting reasons, but because he could not remember his lines. The device enabled him to have his lines read to him whenever his memory faltered. The sad thing is that nothing has changed in all these years. This speech is still relevant.


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Saturday Music for a Town Theme Song

Last night, it was decided that Utter Despair, N.J. needed a theme song.The theme would not have any official significance, unless it was brought before the town council ... this was merely a pipe dream by several patrons and employees at The Third Man Cinema Pub.

The idea to think of an appropriate town song was most likely a way to forget present worries and troubles among those involved in the discussion, as well as friendly social interaction fueled by liquor.

The song below seemed to have won the night. THE FUTURIST! doesn't recall how or when the decision was made. It may have been decided while he was in the restroom. He had gotten ketchup on his bow tie and needed to dab away at the stain in a mirror.

Once the song had been decided, it was played at great volume on the pub Bose sound system. There was much smiling and laughing and someone bought more alcohol for everyone. THE FUTURIST! left soon after the owner of TOP KNOT-CH (the local necktie emporium) started to dance with Miss Templeton (she works at the floral shop). It was not the dancing that made THE FUTURIST! leave ... no ... it was due to Miss Templeton throwing up due to the constant dance twirls that caused the three Manhattan cocktails and two Blue Moon beers in her stomach to mix in a Proctor Silex blending mode.

THE FUTURIST! needed some air.

Listen and pay attention to the appropriate Utter Despair lyrics:

performed by Paul McCartney

Friday, March 25, 2011

A Weight on His Mind

One day THE FUTURIST! would like
to buy a suitable bookcase that would display
his film books in a less shoddy manner.
Look at this!
It is obviously made of cheap particle board
with a faux wood veneer.
The shelves are bending due to their less
than sturdy strength.
Today, he moved some books about.
(these are only some of his film books.)
It was only this very day that he noticed
how awful this bookcase appears.
But, it has sufficient spacing between shelves to
hold the larger coffee table movie tomes.
It just made him feel a little depressed.
He just doesn't have the funds to buy
a respectable bookcase, at this time.
A good quality bookcase is a lot of money.
They cost as much as coffins.
At least they could be satin lined inside.
It would make for a much more stylish
viewing of THE FUTURIST's books
for visitors to his living quarters.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Jack De'Ath's Top 5 Vulgar Insults

The innocent appearing & charming Jack De'Ath.
He is seen here at his pub with a slight Artful Dodger-like
air about him and, in THE FUTURIST!'s opinion,
bears a resemblance to a very young Peter Cook.
He has just called the bartender Queen Dick-toria.

THE FUTURIST! considers himself a very proper gentleman. He rarely uses obscenities of any sort while conversing with his erudite friends. Oh, you may hear him exclaim, "Good Pagan Gods!" if he is exasperated or irritated by someone or something, but this is a mere blaspheme to many ... in fact, many don't realize what he is referring to because most believe in their own exclusive white robed bearded deity. Of course, the mention of a belief in many Gods of a paganistic nature will be offensive to some ... if so, they can all burn to Hell in a giant man-made constructed Wicker Man idol while screaming out to their own personal selfish God. To be perfectly honest, THE FUTURIST! doesn't even believe in Pagan Gods. He just says that to rile other individuals.

Enough rambling. This post is dedicated to Jack De'Ath. Jack is a denizen of London, England, but originally from Suffolk, England. He has the most wonderful and coolest last name that THE FUTURIST! has ever encountered in another individual. Can you imagine having the last name DE'ATH? Wow. And it is not made up ... it is real. THE FUTURIST! is not sure, but he wants to imagine that Jack is from some medieval ancestry of English/French origin that was feared by the peasants. HE wants to believe that the De'Ath family tortured their enemies on the rack, stabbed threats to their power interests with ruby studded daggers and used those trick rings with movable tops that secreted poisonous powders which were poured into goblets of wine. Obviously, if this was so, it would seem they lost their plans for evil conquest ... their descendant, Jack De'Ath, is now a pun babbling pub denizen that gets drunk on beer and rides the tube with his friend Thomas Meek and hosts a podcast called LAUGH OUT LOUD LONDON (LOL) which covers the London Comedy scene. His only threatening weapon is his dexterity in verbally hurling a penis insult.

THE FUTURIST! finds Jack De'Ath very entertaining and asked him to compile a Top 5 List of his favorite Vulgar Insults. He asked because Jack loves to hurl these very epithets at everyone including his friends. In actuality, you could really call them terms of insulting endearment. You shall read them below without the usual Top 5 List intro by the guest star. When asked to do so, Jack told THE FUTURIST!: "I'm not doing it, Cock Jockey."







THE FUTURIST! used the URBAN DICTIONARY in order to decipher these insults. You can click on them all (except CRAB FEATURES) for further elucidation. THE FUTURIST! would like to add two other insults that Jack has used that he found alarmingly comic:

Extra Supplemental Vulgar Insults:



COCKTAIL SAUSAGE (referring to his friend's male member)

Thank you, Jack, for your compilation.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tripping the Light Fantastic

THE FUTURIST! as a child loved Fred Astaire movies... principally the films he made at RKO with Ginger Rogers. He was told by his mother that he sat on the floor of the living room transfixed by those old black and white images as Astaire and Ginger performed their foot work magic that was interspersed between the screwball plots of the films. THE FUTURIST! never found the later MGM color musical extravaganzas as enjoyable ... maybe it was because Ginger wasn't present or the plots were just so uninteresting and the musical numbers so bloated. However, there was always the magic of Astaire dancing. Sometimes just taking some of those moments away from the BIG Hollywood cornball is enough.

For instance, this scene between Astaire and Eleanor Powell in BROADWAY MELODY OF 1940 from MGM ... it is total magic. The beautiful black and white cinematography and set design and costume design and most of all those effortless foot movements. This is why THE FUTURIST! loves movies ... it just takes him away.

*Please ignore the slight interruption of an apparent Japanese voice for a few moments. THE FUTURIST! believes this is an excerpt from the Asian dubbed version of THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday Funnies: Albert Brooks on Easy To Do Ventriloquism

Mr. Brooks makes comedy look so easy.
A bit of comedy shtick that looks so simple,
but must have required a lot of creative
planning in its comedy construction.
Not as easy as it appears.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Saturday Music that Brings Back Grand Parent Memories

The motion picture THE STERILE CUCKOO from 1969 might be the only trivia THE FUTURIST! would associate with the song COME SATURDAY MORNING. But, according to Wikipedia, it has lyrics by Dory Previn and was nominated for Best Original Song at the 1969 Academy Awards. It, also, reached #17 on the Billboard Charts in 1970.

THE FUTURIST! thought of this song recently. He was going through some old records that were left behind by his grandfather. Songs have so many layers to them as they are audibly played and filtered into our ears and through our brains and pinball their way through our memories. THE FUTURIST! remembers an afternoon long ago when he was a mere THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! He remembers a surprise visit to his grandfather's home. He entered his modest suburban dwelling and walked through the screened porch, into the front door and then found the house, seemingly, empty. He could hear a faint sound coming from the back room that his grandfather used as den. THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! continued on in his search to find his grandfather. He knew he was there ... his only means of transport, his sedan automobile, was in the driveway, therefore, his grandfather had to be in the house. He did enter the kitchen area to look through the back door to see if he was in the yard which was a very early neurotic action by THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! (always double check!) ... no, he was not. But the sound of faint murmuring was evidently audible from the den. He continued on and discovered that the murmuring was actually the soft melancholy sounds of The Sandpipers and this very song.

THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! pushed open the slightly ajar door to the den and found his grandfather sitting his usual comfortable brown recliner chair. His head was back and he seemed so relaxed. His grandfather was a pipe and cigar smoker (two items that helped, eventually, to lead to his demise) and his pipe was resting in a large glass ashtray next to his afternoon cocktail. The music from emanating from his stereo record player console which he was quite proud of and had cost him a pretty penny. His grandfather did not notice THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST!'s presence in the room at first ... and during those seconds before discovery, THE VERY YOUNG THE FUTURIST! could see his grandfather was crying. Something about this song had evoked sadness from his memory banks or, perhaps, he was weeping about a present problem or worry that this song helped in bringing out his despair. Upon discovery of his grandson's company, he regained his composure and tuned the volume down to a mere purr ... and then became his usual rather emotionless gruff self.

Why this song did whatever it did to manifest such emotion was never explained and never would be, especially from such a stoic grand parental figure. But, as THE FUTURIST! grew older, he could understand how such sounds could provoke the senses to react. Memory can be a warm blanket or it can be a rain shower that leaks through the umbrella of years gone by and soaks the soul with regret.

Listen and remember long after Saturday is gone:

performed by The Sandpipers

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Tryouts for THE FUTURIST!: The Musical!

THE FUTURIST! finds this particular post especially pleasing for St.Patrick's Day, as well for as the reason it was designed. Rehearsals began today at The Utter Despair Community Center for The Utter Despair Community Theater Players' production of THE FUTURIST!: THE MUSICAL!

Justin Shuman is seen below doing a rendition of OLD DEVIL MOON from the Broadway musical hit FINIAN'S RAINBOW (music by E.Y. Harburg and Burton Lane)

Justin was auditioning for the role of THE YOUNG THE FUTURIST!
He was wise to wear a bow tie and cardigan for the audition.
It may help in the director's decision making.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Howard Hawks Woman

* A handshake (without joy buzzer) to
Otto the waiter from The Third Man Cinema Pub
for his suggestion of posting this illuminating video

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Utter Despair NJ Mall Girl

This girl ...

... is the type of young girl you would see
at The Hive Shopping Mall in Utter Despair, N.J.

She and her friends walk blindly toward you with her iPod
connected to her head oblivious of her surroundings
chattering away to her similarly hyperbolic comrades.
She is breathless, frenetic like a chipmunk with a newly
discovered acorn and dressed in clothes purchased on her
parents' credit card which no retail employee
checks for signature verification.

She laughs like a cross between Richard Widmark in
KISS OF DEATH and early 1940s Woody Woodpecker.
She uses these words in quick succession as you pass her:

"Like ...Really? .. NO! ... Cute ... You're CRAZEE!"

If you should have to eat in The Hive Food Court
(and THE FUTURIST! prays for you, if you must)
try not to sit near her.
If you do, you will not be able to masticate or digest.
Her movements may induce acid reflux or motion sickness.
These effects will be further enhanced by The Hive Food Court menu.

And try, if you can, not to sit anywhere near her
at The Hive 16 Screen Mega-Plex Theater.
Her cell phone will beep, twirp and play muffled Justin Beiber music.

This has been a Public Service Posting by THE FUTURIST!
He cares about his readers and loves them all.

*Thanks to Olli Sulopuisto
THE FUTURIST!'s fine friend in Finland
for the irritating gif.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Matthew Henderson's Top 5 Sunday Morning Movies

Besides loving his ritual of the Sunday Morning Movie,
Matthew Henderson loves the occasional ritual
of something he calls The Burger Club.
This involves him eating hamburgers.
Security cameras picked up evidence
of him awaiting a burger which contained
grilled onions, jalapenos, BBQ sauce and lettuce.
(THE FUTURIST!'s stomach would find those club dues rather taxing)

Mr. Matthew Henderson, THE FUTURIST!'s domestic correspondent in the Washington, D.C. area, is the current guest star of the semi-occurring Top 5 List feature. Referring to Matthew as a domestic correspondent does not mean that he does housework for a Rent-a-Maid service ... no ... it refers to his being situated here in America ... though, he has spent a lot of time in Scotland, apparently, and seems to have left his sad heart there much like Tony Bennett's beating organ is in San Francisco. THE FUTURIST! "knows" Matthew in a distant sense, but feels quite an affinity for him in regard to his movie interests, his taste in finely written television programs, his sense of humor and his sad heart. Matthew has told THE FUTURIST! of an interesting ritual he has performed for years on end involving film. THE FUTURIST! loves rituals. He feels they keep us sane. He does not mean counting to 20 after locking your front door or always needing to put your right sock on before your left ... though that may keep some poor souls sane. THE FUTURIST! means the kind of rituals that don't involve possible psychiatric treatment. For instance, weekly dinner with a loved one, meeting a friend on Tuesday afternoons for a drink or something like THE FUTURIST!'s weekly ritual of a short, cartoon, movie serial chapter and a main feature in his Thimble Theater. Matthew does something similar ... THE FUTURIST! will let him explain in his OWN words in his introduction:


The Sunday Morning Movie started in 2001, with the general idea being to roll out of bed, hop in the car, put on The Velvet Underground's "Sunday Morning" and drive to the video store to rent the biggest release of the week that I had absolutely no interest in seeing. This served three purposes, the first of which was to catch up on the cultural touchstones or at least what Hollywood wanted to be the cultural touchstones. The second was to ensure that I never became too stuck into arthouse, high-minded, or critically lauded films. Thirdly, it allowed me to justify to myself and my friends watching the mediocre rom-coms I loved (and love) so much. Most of the films I've watched are pretty bad, though some less-so and occasionally they venture into "decent" territory, so proper stand-out gems are hard to consider. Instead of that, here are five notable Sunday Morning Movies.

1.) Zoolander (2001)

This was screened within a month or two of starting the practice. It had flopped at the box office and seemed as though it would be relegated to a footnote in the history of bad Hollywood comedies, but lo and behold, it was not only amusing, it was actually funny. It's surrealist, off-the-wall humour would become more widespread in the coming decade, but it was a genuine surprise at the time. It gave a misplaced sense of justification for the Sunday Morning Movie for a long while.

2.) The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

I am not one to rush out to the theatre to see a horror film generally, and certainly wasn't interested at all in The Great Remake Run of the 00s. That said, one of the most pleasant surprises of the Sunday Morning Movie was to discover how generally watchable these bog-standard horror films are. My heart might sink when I put in the Lizzie McGuire Movie or A Man Apart, but I soon realised that I was actually looking forward to the horror entries. They rarely outstayed their welcome, they were usually self-aware to some degree, and they often included little moments of genuine cleverness or good filmmaking here and there. I chose this one to represent the whole because what really should have been one of the worst (they were really scraping the barrel for things to remake by this point) turned out to be pretty enjoyable. About two-thirds of the way through the horror genre is all but abandoned in favour of a remake of Straw Dogs, cracked glasses and all. The sequel should be avoided though.

3.) Gigli (2003)

Most of the bad movies were just uninspired and dreadfully dull genre retreads, but Gigli was something special. Virtually everything in this film is not only bad, but actively so. So many decisions were so wrong-headed it still boggles my mind to this day that nobody anywhere near this production thought to step in to say, "you know, there doesn't seem to be any good reason for Jennifer Lopez to be a lesbian", or "that bull speech really doesn't make any sense at all." Just when you can't imagine it could possibly get any worse, that ending comes along with the mentally challenged boy and the swimsuit models. Truly awe-inspiring.

4.) Basic (2003)

I was never bored during Basic, which in some ways should put it in the top 30th percentile of Sunday Morning Movies, but you can't look past that ending. People are (rightly) down on M. Night Shyamalan and his preposterous twist endings, but they've got absolutely nothing on this one. As soon as it ended, I had to restrain my friend from throwing the DVD across the room, so he settled for throwing a chair.

5.) Sex Lives of the Potato Men (2004)

The little seen and even less remembered Brit-com Sex Lives of the Potato Men must hold the honour for absolute worst film the Sunday Morning Movie has ever screened. Not only is it stupid and painfully (PAINFULLY) unfunny, it is so disgusting that my friend threw up watching it. Twice.

Thank you, Matthew.
THE FUTURIST! wishes you well.

Sunday Funnies: Dean, Jimmy and Orson Gossip at the Hair Salon

As usual, Orson would do anything for a check.
However, he stays in character and is the funniest one of the trio.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Saturday Music in Pulsating Red and Blue

THE FUTURIST! heard this song at his place of business.
He had never head of Fitz and the Tantrums, but their sound reminded him of the music of the 1960s. It has that smoke-filled melancholy sound of darkened lounges and girls in slinky beaded dresses ... men in pale blue suits and dark ties... wearing really shiny black shoes with subtly patterned argyle socks ... and smoking cigarettes ... with half sipped drinks with swizzle sticks on those small circular tables with filled ash trays and cocktail napkins.

And get a load of the pulsating visuals in the music video that screams at you with the beautiful sad blues and passion alarm reds. It's like an emergency signal vibrating with this message:

THE FUTURIST! thinks guys singing in suits with skinny ties is always a good thing.

It's a primary color Noir-style visual cocktail that gives you a kick in the seat of your blue sharkskin suit..

Warning: If you are prone to epilepsy, please put a pencil
or wooden spoon in your mouth before you start video.

Listen and drink it up:

performed by Fitz and the Tantrums

Monday, March 7, 2011

When Movie Posters Were Worth Looking At #3


Not a very good remake or adaptation
of Raymond Chandler's detective classic.
The director, Michael Winner, decided to have this
version take place in then modern London.
It just did not fit the purely American character of
Los Angeles private eye Philip Marlowe.

Interesting to give a look at as a movie oddity,
but even more interesting and beautiful is the poster art
created by the late Richard Amsel.
Illustrated with a 1940s noir sensibility
with great stylistic lettering of that period.

A friend of THE FUTURIST! owned a copy
of this poster and had it tacked on his apartment wall.
THE FUTURIST! admired it each time he visited
and wanted to own it and give it a proper frame
to exist in forever and ever.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sunday Funnies: Mel Brooks Tells a Story

THE FUTURIST! loves you Mel and laments the lost old days
of funny stories told on talk shows by master comedians.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Saturday Music that Sparks Spring Fever

This morning had that certain something about it ... THE FUTURIST! is alluding to the weather, the air, the sound of birds chirping and a smell brought by the breeze of freshness. It's hard to put into words without sounding a bit daft, but THE FUTURIST! felt the stirring of Springtime. This feeling was further enforced in his thoughts when he passed by The Third Man Cinema Pub and saw that the front door was open, as was the inner door that leads from the vestibule into the Pub itself. It was quite early and The Third Man was not open for business, but THE FUTURIST! could see young Otto, the waiter and glass filler with the palindromic name washing the front windows. He could see, as well, Veronica, another employee of the pub dusting off tables.

THE FUTURIST! could hear the music posted below playing as their bodies rhythmically performed their labors to the music. It is a sure sign of Springtime if the sound of Ron Goodwin's theme from the Miss Marple movies starring Margaret Rutherford could be heard emanating from The Third Man Cinema Pub. A bit of music that is as cheery and spry as young Otto and Veronica as they prepare for a weekend's business. THE FUTURIST! saw a bit of a smile that crept along Otto's mouth as he turned to look at Veronica. Ah, Spring ... The Miss Marple theme and ... young love in the air. There is a bit of hopeful happiness even in Utter Despair, N.J.

Listen and feel the blood rush:

MURDER SHE SAYS (Miss Marple's Theme)
composed by Ron Goodwin

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Cocktail Time!

This is dedicated to to THE FUTURIST!'s favorite virtual reality cocktail sippers in the late afternoon: The Self Styled Siren, Mr. Michael Montes and Andrew Grant alias FilmBrain.


... should THE FUTURIST! allow Henry to resume his Internship with THE FUTURIST! this Spring and Summer? (prior post on Henry is here to CLICK on) THE FUTURIST! only asks because he recently met up with the young fellow at a local eatery, had a couple of drinks, ate a superb Cuban sandwich and then found himself at The Utter Despair Shooting Range. Henry seemed very anxious (and adept) at firing a high powered automatic machine gun of some sort with a scope. This seemed to disturb THE FUTURIST! a slight bit. Is he being too sensitive to Henry's love of target practice? Please feel free to comment below.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

See You Next Wednesday!

Celebrating the 78th anniversary of
the premiere of KING KONG on March 2, 1933
at Radio City Music Hall in New York City

KING KONG (1933)
dir: Merian C. Cooper and Ernest C. Schoedsack