Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Introducing The Eliminator of Bullshit

The Eliminator of Bullshit, in a quiet moment of
Michigan winter contemplation,
ponders why the world is full of bullshit.

In the ongoing series of Top 5 SHOCKtober lists of scary movies, THE FUTURIST! proudly presents a roster compiled by The Eliminator of Bullshit. The Eliminator's title is very to the point, in fact, there is no bullshit regarding who he is or what he does. The name says it all. THE FUTURIST! encountered The Eliminator via his association with Dr. Seussonoras. The good doctor fronts the Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan. He invents many things of vast importance for people all over the world including THE FUTURIST!. You have occasionally read his name in many older blog posts. The Eliminator is Dr. Seusonoras' aide de camp, much like haiku is to THE FUTURIST! The Doctor relies on The Eliminator to attend all Seussonoras Board meetings and listen to projects being recommended or proposed. After any new idea is tossed out for the Doctor's approval, he first turns to The Eliminator to give his opinion ... for instance:

"Inflatable Psychiatrist Dolls with recorded dialogue"


"Car Tanning Salons."


"Peruvian Mountain Goat Semen De-Aging Facial Creams"


"A Sex Closet."

"Interesting and bold thinking ... Go on ..."

and so on.

Without The Eliminator, Dr. Seussonoras would be no where. And not only is The Eliminator a decisive force for Science, but he is a poet and writer. His work can be read here. He recently published his latest volume of poetry entitled, IF THAT'S LIFE, THEN THAT'S BULLSHIT! It gives THE FUTURIST! great pleasure to -

"Hey, let's stop the bullshit!"

Whoops! The Eliminator wants THE FUTURIST! to stop prattling and get on with the list ...

(in descending order)

Good horror movies are hard to come by, perhaps more so than any other genre. I don't why there are so many terrible horror films, and so few actually scary ones. I must admit that I don't have very much experience with the genre because of this, especially with older horror movies, but I have seen Rosemary's Baby, and it's rather creepy. It's not a particularly good movie, but it does a good job of being creepy without actually showing anything scary. The atmosphere is key.

I put this on the list only because it psychologically scarred me as a child. I saw it at my grandparent's house when I was about 12 during one of my parent's trips out of town. That night, when my brother and I went back to our house, we couldn't get the door open. Later, inside, I had to go to sleep in a dark and quiet house where there were no parents around the corner to shield me from the bogeyman. Needless to say, I kept the lights on that night. And many others. In fact, for about two years, scenes from this movie haunted me. I had trouble going into the bathroom at night for many months.

While never truly scary, Halloween offers a uniquely spooky atmosphere and sense of dread perfect for my favorite holiday of the year. There's one scene in particular that I imagine whenever I think of this movie. It's one of the scenes where Jamie Lee Curtis' character jut walks around and feels like she's being watched or sees someone possibly stalking her. Those are the most effective scenes in the movie.

The best (serious) zombie movie I've seen. There are a few good comical ones, but it's difficult to make zombies frightening. 28 Days Later does it. Fantastic atmosphere and frequently startling. Unfortunately, the zombie craze has now depleted the genre of its vitality.

Sci-fi is one of my great loves, so of course, my top scariest movie is a sci-fi classic. Alien isn't necessarily scary, but it can be and is to many people, and I just love it too much to give it anything but the number one spot. Again, a unique atmosphere wins my heart. And, it always fascinates me to put myself into the situations that heroic individuals find themselves in and see if I could come out alive. This is one case where I doubt I'd ever set foot on Earth again.

Thank you, Eliminator. Have a Happy No Bullshit SHOCKtober!


Dara said...

Good list! Alien is top drawer, as is 28 Days Later. Not to be confused with the Sandra Bullock movie, 28 Days, which is actually not bad.


The Eliminator did provide an intersting list. THE FUTURIST! has not seen 28 Days Later, but wants to see Alien again ... it is a haunted house with a monster premise in Outer Space.