Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dr. Seussonoras' Scientifically Selected Top 5 Horrors

Dr. Steven Seussonoras, Michigan scientific genius,
poses with his alternative dimension ray gun
while leading an alternative lifestyle.

THE FUTURIST! is proud to present one of the most important people he has never met, namely Dr. Seussonoras of Ypsilanti, Michigan. AS stated in many blog posts and other venues, THE FUTURIST! is in constant contact with the good Doctor regarding new scientific breakthroughs in the field of the unknown and bizarre. Dr. Seussonoras has provided THE FUTURIST! with many items of great interest; several being the Cerebral Cortex Dream Visualizer, his Time Tunnel Garage and the Lower Torso Stress Reducer (patent pending).
THE FUTURIST! can not express (in mere words) his good fortune in finding the Doctor and making him a source of continual intelligent correspondence ... and he's a damn good writer.

(the intro is in his own words ...)

"Being a doctor -- and therefore a learned man -- practically nothing on this earth can scare me. I would love to see more great horror films, but it seems the genre isn't as substantial as I'd like. But there are a few films that give me "the chills" or "the willies" or the like. Here's five:

1) Alien

Ridley Scott is a proven master of mood and atmosphere, and nothing gets those pesky neck hairs standing on end like his first sci-fi masterpiece (I really must remember to dust off the Seussonoras "Spinal-Follicle-Eradicator"). In the film, youth betrays mother, machine betrays man, and mother eventually rebounds and kicks ass. Some might wonder who is the real outsider: the human intruders or the alien natives? The answer is neither: it's the viewer, and that makes it all the more terrifying.

2) Rosemary's Baby

I'll have to agree with Mr. Eliminator -- I really didn't like this movie very much upon first viewing, but Polanski's great skill as a director (in the early 70's, at least) flourishes in this film to a degree that will no doubt startle audiences even in another 30 years. Over the film's daunting length, Polanski tugs us deeper and deeper into both the claustrophobic madhouse of the apartment building and the increasingly paranoid psyche of Mia Farrow's motherly heroine. Everybody knows the ending, but it's the maddening journey through those plastered hallways and maternal nightmares that make this film a worthy endeavor for the horror enthusiast and casual Halloween film-goer alike.

3/4) The Thing/Halloween

I can't decide if John Carpenter gets too much credit as a director or just enough. Everybody's seen at least half of his oeuvre, but I'm not sure if many realize the great skill he has for establishing mood by deftly defining space. By the time the alien parasite begins its rampage upon the American research base in "The Thing," we feel like we know both the characters and the base itself inside-out. Each tight corridor and cramped living quarter has become so familiar that we know exactly what corners to fear peeking around. The same goes for "Halloween": Carpenter creates a world in which the amorphous terror of The Shape (or Michael Myers, as he is more famously known) manages to deceive and surprise us, even in a clearly established territory. Scary stuff, indeed.

5) The Descent

The first time I saw it (in the rather dank and dated basement of my good friend Liz Aker's house in Monroe, MI) I was scared stupid. The second time, I might as well have seen the zipper on the spine of each of the beast's costumes -- each alleged "scare" was met with either laughter, an embarrassed cringe, or both. Nevertheless, I had fun upon both viewings."

THE FUTURIST! applauds you, Doctor! Bravo!


Dara said...

Very good. I like the hallway scene in The Descent. What does Dr. Seussonoras make of the sequel?



Hopefully, the good Doctor will read your question and answer. But, he is a busy man. He did write an excellent summary for his list, didn't he? He's a wonder.