Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Well-Coordinated Boys
Today THE FUTURIST! was going to write about how he spent his Golden Globe Sunday Night. However, THE FUTURIST! is quite fatigued and needed to rest for a bit ... just lay back and calm his nerves. On his way back to his abode he was intimidated and chased by a gang of hooligans that have been terrorizing the neighborhood. Going by the name The Well Coordinated Boys, this band of young troublemakers have been hanging around parking lots and street corners; mostly near The Utter Despair Men's Haberdashery. THE FUTURIST! heard of the terror they engender; how they taunt pedestrians about their poor choice in apparel and haircuts. Today, THE FUTURIST! escaped with his wits still intact, but was very shaken. As he got out of his car, The Boys noticed THE FUTURIST! was wearing one gray sock and one black. The leader of the gang yelled out, "Hey, Hosiery Helen Keller!!" It startled THE FUTURIST! and he immediately knew what it was in reference to ... he had noticed, after dressing and already on his travels that he had made a sock pairing faux pas. THE FUTURIST! turned and saw the brigands. They laughed and jeered and adjusted their French Cuffs; a sure sign of impending danger. He hoped they did not notice that he had not polished his shoes today. He gathered his wits and scurried away to his front door. He inserted his key and ran into his foyer. A gasp left him ... and he breathed with rapidity. Only yesterday The Well-Coordinated Boys had insulted his neighbor Nathan Lepus because he was wearing black shoes and a brown belt. There was an ugly altercation last September when The Boys had surrounded a man's car and berated him for wearing white shorts after Labor Day had ended. That man was hospitalized for a week with a mild cardiac attack. The Boys are bullies and a true menace to Utter Despair. THE FUTURIST! must relax and prepare a scathing letter to the local paper demanding a police crackdown on these creatures! Later, THE FUTURIST! will lay out a perfectly coordinated suit, tie and shirt for tomorrow. He must play it safe. It's a dangerous world out there.