Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Shaggy Accountant

The 1959 Disney film THE SHAGGY DOG was not a work of fiction.

THE FUTURIST! encountered his accountant's spouse on a walk along the Utter Despair River and started a conversation that involved the usual "Oh How Are You" moments of surprised meeting. THE FUTURIST! then told Christina, his accountant's wife, that he'd have to pop in soon to have his taxes reconciled by Everett (the accountant). She smiled. THE FUTURIST! noticed that she was walking a large sheep dog and asked when they had acquired a canine. Christina answered, "Oh ... well ... it's a long story." The dog then started barking and staring at THE FUTURIST!. There seemed to be a a strange look in the beast's eyes that was familiar to THE FUTURIST!. On a whim, THE FUTURIST! said, "Everett?" and the dog barked. Christina looked pulled back on the dog's leash. THE FUTURIST! then asked her, "Is that ... ?" She shook her head violently and said, "No ... I don't know what you mean." THE FUTURIST! then made a further test. Knowing that Everett had stated weeks ago that he detested the actress Sandra Bullock, THE FUTURIST! said this: "It's almost a sure thing that Sandra Bullock win snag that Best Actress Oscar this year." The dog snarled shook its mangy head, howled and urinated.

"Christina, is this dog ... is this dog Everett?" THE FUTURIST! asked.

Christina started to cry and recounted the sorry tale. Everett had been assigned to do the accounting of the Daniels Estate and came across an ancient ring that dated back to the Borgias. Rumor and legend stated that the ring was a shape shifting device used to elude the Borgia clan enemies. The recitation of the inscription on the ring produced an effect that made the one speaking the words change into a dog. Christina and Everett had been trying for weeks to reverse the spell, but it was proving fruitless. They had an appointment with a psychic/witch/Korean nail salon owner in Ennui, N.J. the following Tuesday. Hopefully, it would end soon.

THE FUTURIST! was assured that this would not stop Everett from working on THE FUTURIST!'s NJ and Federal Tax returns for 2009. Christina looked at her diary and said that Monday afternoon looked okay at 2 pm. Everett barked. She erased the entry, "Sorry, THE FUTURIST!, Everett has a prior engagement with the neighbor's Labrador for an hour of Frisbee catching and other backyard activities at that time ... how would 4 pm on Tuesday be?" THE FUTURIST! agreed.

Before THE FUTURIST! said his goodbyes, he asked if there were any positives to Everett's dog-state. Christina stated that he wonderfully house trained and alerted her when the postman arrived ... but then changed her mood and said that after she had discovered that Everett had had a dalliance with his secretary's Brittany Spaniel, she had him neutered the previous Tuesday. "A veterinarian is a Woman's Best Friend." she said.


Dara said...

So... he's a Fake Dog?

Robert said...

Subliminal plugging Mr. F???

I often wonder if these stories are based on truth or are they entirely fabricated by THE FUTURIST!




He ... is.


Always happy to plug in any way possible. As to the stories ... some are real, some are real with a tinge of imagination and some are all imagination.

Which are which?

Robert said...



THE FUTURIST! will keep you all updated on Everett's predicament. THE FUTURIST! hopes their marriage survives this shape shifting nonsense.