Thursday, February 4, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Guilty Pleasure Palace

THE FUTURIST! has mulled this idea over for awhile and thought about the consequences of admitting to certain things that he embarrassingly feels some sort of strange attraction to ... and recoils at the thought of disclosing said attraction. Of course, there are some things THE FUTURIST! may like very much that he would admit to though others detest it, even though they would shake their heads or hide their faces in the palms of their hands upon hearing his admissions.

This is commonly known as a GUILTY PLEASURE. THE FUTURIST! sought the correct definition of this phrase on Wikipedia. He often consults Wikipedia for knowledge, as he did recently regarding a rash on his inner calf. It was merely excessive corduroy pants friction. A common affliction according to Wiki. The informative internet encyclopedia cited GUILTY PLEASURE as:

something one considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. Often, the "guilt" involved is simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes, rather than actual moral guilt.


THE FUTURIST! will start his therapy session, of sorts, with this recently discovered video of a set of performing "musical" twins called Jedward. After watching this, THE FUTURIST! was heard to say, "They appear to be some kind of X Factor creation." Brilliant deduction. They were and are. After intensive research that equaled the work done by Dr. Jonas Salk on a polio vaccine, THE FUTURIST! watched a few videos from The X FACTOR featuring Jedward. They can not sing and are hyper 17 yr old egomaniacs who think they are stars. The X Factor tries to mask many of their contestants faults through large spectacular production numbers and this is true in a Busby Berkeley sense with Jedward. All flash and lights and sound and dancing, but no talent.

So why,? Why is THE FUTURIST! about to admit to his fascination and unbridled glee in watching the video he is about to present below? THE FUTURIST! can not explain it ... it could be the music, though he detests rap. It could the production number. He does like clever film musical production numbers. It could his envy over the twins hair. They have a lot of it, but they do fashion it in a combination style of cotton candy and a human paintbrush. That is strange. It certainly isn't the appearance of Vanilla Ice in the latter half of the video. THE FUTURIST! dislikes Vanilla Ice very much. And the enhancement of sound tweaking and direction and editing and production value is throwing a deflection shield over the fact that the boys can't really warble at all.

One explanation could be those black suits with mustard vests under the boys' suit jackets. They look stylish. And what of the full display of unleashed energy on display as the young dolts jump and gyrate and punch the air in front of that tiny light bulbed logo of their stupid name? Oh, THE FUTURIST! is hurling derogatory adjectives in this post regarding Jedward ... obviously an excuse to thwart any reader's jaw dropping reaction to what they are about to see and his confession of how it fills THE FUTURIST! with momentary happiness. At the same time, THE FUTURIST! hates himself for liking it. It's packaged poisoned commercial candy. THE FUTURIST! feels like a farm hog rolling in his own slop and feces and smiling. Are you ready? The bomb bay doors are opening and the GUILTY PLEASURE BOMB is about drop ...


Dara said...

Oh dear.

You really can't miss them over here. They're always in the paper. They fill the streets with young ones when they perform at the opening of Christmas sales.

Robert said...

I'll stay firmly in my bunker to avoid that bomb thanks! THE FUTURIST! needs to dedicate another entry to How To Batman. The caped genius has done it again.



THE FUTURIST! forgot to mention they are Irish. They will disappear soon enough. Possibly a Fake Dog music video on he horizon with Jedward?


Stay in your bunker until notified.
HOW TO BATMAN latest is perfect for Valentine's Day.

Dara said...

You're really pushing this video! I don't think they'd let us anywhere near them, even if we wanted to do one! They're very big over here, you know. Or, they were a month ago, they may be done now...