Saturday, February 28, 2009

Saturday Music When Feeling French

THE FUTURIST! feels in a French kind of mood today, as opposed to yesterday when he felt a bit Finnish(ed). Therefore, Saturday Music presents the opening credits to Francois Truffaut's Stolen Kisses, the third (if you count Antoine et Collette) in the Antoine Doinel film series. Au Revoir!

performed by Charles Trenet

Friday, February 27, 2009

Jonas Brunchers

If only those Jonas Brothers were being chased by flesh eating zombies who had super human speed who finally cornered them BEFORE they could perform on stage for 11 yr old tweens, ripped the Abercrombie & Fitch clothes off of them AND tore their limbs off, while Joe, Nick and Kevin screamed like little girls. Then, after the carnage, two tweens fight over Joe's decapitated half eaten head and screech , "It's MINE! MINE!! I SAW IT FIRST!" ... oh, THE FUTURIST! would pay to see that film.

Oh, and it better be in 3D. THE FUTURIST! still has his Coraline 3D glasses which he secreted out of the theater. He's ready for the Jonas chow down.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Saturday Music for The Oscars

THE FUTURIST! presents the former (former because he is now dead) alcoholic pill popping poor actor/hipster Peter Lawford (never nominated for an Academy Award) singing the hit tune from the Broadway musical HAIR! This is an astounding piece of video from an old TV variety show called The Hollywood Palace. This is something The Academy Award producers would most certainly have allowed in the past on the big show. The Hollywood groovy psychedelic camera work is quite impressive. Please "dig" the dancing he does before he returns to his wicker chair throne, due to bad 80% proof equilibrium. His voice has more cracks in it than the eggs used this morning for THE FUTURIST!'s North Jersey Omelet. And he has a hookah on a table next to him!! Good Pagan God! THE FUTURIST! asks "Why isn't he wearing a Nehru Jacket and why was he famous?"

performed by Peter Lawford

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Pumpkinhead Doyle, Attractive Indian Girl
and Gawky Flash-in-the-Pan Patel accepting one of the
145 awards for Slumdog Millionaire

haiku really doesn't like Slumdog Millionaire at all. He told THE FUTURIST! that he truly dislikes it and wishes it was not the odds on favorite to win Best Picture at the 2008 Academy Awards ceremony. THE FUTURIST! hasn't seen it and doesn't really want to; he has no desire at all. It looks predictable and flashy and hokey and Blah! THE FUTURIST!, also, dislikes the fact that it is so destined to win. He likes surprises and horse races at award shows. Probably, though, the thing he fears the most about the Oscar Show is not this "feel good" flick winning everything hands down ... no ... what he fears is the moment Jerry Lewis takes the stage after he receives the JEAN HERSHOLT HUMANITARIAN AWARD. Yikes!!

Anywho ...

haiku told THE FUTURIST! that Slumdog Millionaire will win Best Score and Best Original Song, too. He said the song JAI-HO will win over the other Slumdog song and the song from WALL-E, which is the film haiku has petitioned The Library of Congress for national safekeeping in their preservation vaults. He has even called his Congressman regarding this request.

THE FUTURIST! has not heard this song called JAI-HO, but today THE FUTURIST! asks this:

What is JAI-HO? Is it like playing Jai-alai, but with a prostitute?

And, if so, is touching off bounds? And according to Wikipedia, a team scores a point if an opposing player:

* fails to catch the ball(s) on the "fly" or after one bounce

* holds or juggles the ball(s)

* hurls the ball(s) out of bounds

* interferes with a player attempting to hurl or catch the ball(s)

JAI-HO rules are making THE FUTURIST! cross his legs and wince!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Saturday Music for St. Valentine's Day

One of THE FUTURIST!'s favorite songs is by THE SMITHS.
Please enjoy this very odd rendition done in a way that haunts THE FUTURIST! in a strangely titillating manner ... and then saddens him to the point of concocting a St. Valentine's Day martini with a hint of red sweet vermouth to add the cliche coloring of the holiday, but still provide the after affect coloring of a blue temperament. Yes, THE FUTURIST! is alone.


performed by Zoe Woodbury-High on her ukulele.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Picture of the Day

Courtesy of Robot Girl
currently in Detroit, MI

THE FUTURIST! just loves this visual.
He wants it framed and hung over
his Love Seat.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

How to Reach Nirvana

THE FUTURIST! wants you decide which will bring you more inner peace and relaxation.

This natural forest waterfall cascading into a mountain stream.

or ...

The stress reducing facial flex exercise product.

Please play both videos at once to induce pure terror.

Monday, February 9, 2009

No Peeking

"I saw what you did, THE FUTURIST!.
It wasn't very nice at all.
It was quite shocking.

Due to my immature reasoning and mixed feelings
of jealousy, hate, love and confused state of puberty,
I will have to expose your sinfulness.

I may rue this decision to my dying day,
but what you did with those leather bound editions of
The Barchester Chronicles, in Daddy's library, disgusts me very very much."

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Saturday Music for the Economic Downturn

Bad news today for THE FUTURIST! The sad state of the economy, which is rotting and festering like a week old, exposed to the elements, casaba melon, has hit home. So, today's Saturday music fits the state THE FUTURIST! and haiku find themselves embroiled. The following song, recommended by haiku, who presented it to THE FUTURIST! with a smile ... (?) ... is appropriately melancholy. The red liquid mass you see spreading across the screen in the video is either symbolic of THE FUTURIST!'s bleeding ulcer or the gushing of type O onto the linoleum kitchen floor after THE FUTURIST! commits seppuku; haiku has agreed to disengage THE FUTURIST!'s head from his torso as he loses consciousness ... it is the customary end to the ritual, you know. Enjoy.

performed by Bonnie Prince Billy

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Robot Men on Guitars

THE FUTURIST! had a really weird dream last night.  Was it the herring sandwich on toast and several bread and butter pickles he consumed before punching his ticket to Slumberland? Could it be the winter doldrums plaguing him on these cold gray days? It might be the stress induced by the sinking economy and how it is affecting him.  It could be finding out Hilary Duff is recreating the role of Bonnie Parker in a new film.  Hmmmm ... it wasn't the half glass of port wine and Tylenol P.M. was it?  Using the Seussonoras Cerebral DreamTube (patent pending), THE FUTURIST! was able to record this strange journey into the frontal lobes ... Well, take a gander:

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


THE FUTURIST! has always wondered why Christian Bale is considered a good actor. He was quite good as a young boy in Stephen Spielberg's Empire of the Sun; his performance emotionally moved THE FUTURIST!. As an adult thespian, though, Bale has annoyed THE FUTURIST! to no end; his posturing, his brooding "acting" demeanor, his incomprehensible vocalizations in 3:10 to Yuma and those very important serious brooding Batman movies ... oh boy. He grumbles and mumbles and barely gets out his nouns and adjectives and constantly tries to disguise that English accent. He is, in THE FUTURIST!'s opinion, this close (THE FUTURIST! is holding his index finger very near to thumb) to being like that cold wooden Tom Cruise. However, Cruise can talk, Bale can't. Oh, but wait!! He can yell ... especially at a poor Director of Photography on his new Terminator Salvation movie (THE FUTURIST! can't wait for that spectacular cinematic two hours!) Bale can enunciate the "F" word perfectly, has the power to express utter rage and totally demean and threaten a man's job. This is not acting, however .. this is real life. Mr. Bale even attempts to physically attack the cinematographer. And we all thought he would never have attacked his Mother and sister during that Dark Knight junket, as was reported! No ... never! Perish the thought. THE FUTURIST! asks you to listen to the Ballistic Bale. Christian seems to be his name, but not his way of dealing with human relationships.