Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Joys of Fritz Lang Lager


THE FUTURIST! and haiku stopped off at a watering hole in nearby Schadenfraude, N.J. and enjoyed an Autumnal beer from Germany called Fritz Lang Lager. This particular brew is concocted especially for Oktoberfest festivities throughout New Jersey, Pennsylvania and lower New York State. When asked by the barkeep if he wished to try it, THE FUTURIST! replied, "You Only Live Once!" It was quite delicious. haiku loved the small bowl of mixed nuts on the bar. He did get a tad bored opening his helmet visor to toss in several almonds, filberts, pecans and cashews over and over again. The boredom did not halt his consuming, however. Oh, if you are wondering why THE FUTURIST! and haiku are dressed in Seussonoras Labs copyrighted Designer Atomic Blast Apparel (with matching non-radiation metallic gloves), it was because THE FUTURIST! was on his way to meet Young Sun Compton who he believed might actually be an actual newly virginal exploded star. He was afraid of his skin being burned away and exposing bone. Even though haiku tried to explain that Young Sun was not an actual super nova, but an actual flesh and blood person, THE FUTURIST! did not heed his advisement. This may have been due to his helmet being on too tight ... but actually THE FUTURIST! was too distracted by the delicious German beer's flavor clicking a jack-booted salute on his taste buds.

Unfortunately, THE FUTURIST! did not get to meet Young Sun Compton that afternoon. After downing three Fritz Lang Lagers, he searched for the saloon restroom. Due to the usual dim lighting quality of most bars and the tinted helmet visor, THE FUTURIST! accidentally sauntered into the restroom NOT suited for his gender and caused a ruckus with a young woman tending to the result of having a bloated bladder. This bathroom brouhaha culminated in the offended young woman's beau rushing to her aid and ejecting THE FUTURIST! into the parking lot and kicking him several times in the pelvic area. The emotional distress and the injuries incurred from his body impacting with macadam (the Seussonoras Designer Atomic Blast suit may protect one from exposure to intense solar heat, but it seemed not to be impervious to blacktop paved surfaces) caused THE FUTURIST! to alter his social plans that day. Both THE FUTURIST! and haiku turned to Utter Despair, NJ ... after, of course, haiku finished the small bowl of nuts and that delightful Fritz Lang Lager.

4 comments:

yoghurtymcminimum said...

This is what I subscribed to?

(I mean that in a confused way and not a negative one).

Eoin said...

That was me, still learning how to use this thing properly.

Dara said...

Is this a true story? Is that a real beer? Is The Futurist! in Daft Punk?

THE FUTURIST! said...

Eoin:

It's best to be confused in this mixed up world. Just take it as it comes.

Dara:

True or Not ... Real beer or not ... it doesn't realy matter. There's a little truth in everthing THE FUTURIST! writes about. But, a member of DAFT PUNK? That is definitely FALSE.