Happy Birthday to The Amazing Frollo

Today is the celebration of the day
of the emergence of The Amazing Frollo from his Mother's womb.
It was one of the most successful escape tricks of his career.

THE FUTURIST! presents this video of The Amazing Frollo who has
tried to escape his career as a failed magician and decided
to pursue a career in acting or comedy or maybe, in actuality,
a real professor of academia. THE FUTURIST! is not sure.

Regardless, THE FUTURIST! likes this video very much and plays it
now and again and always laughs when The Amazing Frollo breaks
that clay cat figure. The moment of awkward uncomfort is very
Peter Sellers-like and the acting of the participants is quite good.
(in THE FUTURIST!'s opinion, of course.)

You will, also, see The Amazing Frollo attempt to disappear behind
a sculptured hedge. He is incorporating his magic with his acting career.

Please observe The Amazing Frollo's neck beard.
It is one thing he is a Master of accomplishing.



Happy Birthday, Amazing Frollo.
He will be getting drunker than a Caribbean Pirate tonight.
The vomiting will be in state of the art 3D.

The BANACEK Turtleneck

THE FUTURIST! found out that The Amazing Frollo is working at The NBC Store near Rockefeller Plaza in New York. He asked The Amazing Frollo if they had any discounts on items from old NBC television programs. For instance, did they have any discounted BANACEK turtlenecks? It appears they do not. It's a pity. THE FUTURIST! was thinking of wearing one this Easter weekend with a hounds tooth sport coat. THE FUTURIST! wasn't going to solve any fraudulent insurance scams involving disappearing Brink's armored trucks or art objects. He just wanted to go bow tie-less this Easter. No turtleneck, no cigarillos, no sport coat ... but he will have that glass of whatever Banacek is having.

The Amazing Frollo's Top 5 Sidney Lumet Movies

The Amazing Frollo is seen above in his homage to

Sidney Lumet's MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS.

He is green screened in his version of

DEATH ON THE NILE by Agatha Christie.

He never finished the movie.

He got hungry and did not return to the set.

________________________________________________

When THE FUTURIST! heard of the death of film director Sidney Lumet, his first thought was of his friend The Amazing Frollo. Earlier posts have recounted The Amazing Frollo's stature as a magician ... he stinks. (CLICK HERE!) and (CLICK HERE, TOO!) Never has any of his stage acts as a prestidigitator been successful. Audiences have queued up just to see how far he can humiliate himself. AS far as THE FUTURIST! understands, The Amazing Frollo has given up his magic act and been in some sort of sad slump. Rumors have percolated about him having no money and becoming a recluse reading his hundreds of yellowed used paperbacks of movie novelizations, trying to file his VHS collection and eating bacon.

THE FUTURIST! has gotten far afield from his subject regarding why he thought of The Amazing Frollo after hearing of the death of Lumet. The Amazing Frollo is a great film buff and always would talk about Lumet to THE FUTURIST! He even had mini-film festivals of Lumet works that he enjoyed in his own cluttered bedroom watching on his computer screen. THE FUTURIST! asked The Amazing Frollo to compile a list of his favorite Lumet films for this blog. He consented and submitted this:

THE AMAZING FROLLO'S TOP 5 SIDNEY LUMET MOVIES:

Sidney Lumet truly is one of my favorite directors. They way he was able to make so many different kinds of films so well is a real inspiration to me. So naturally this list was pretty hard; I almost cheated and chose six, but rules are rules.

1. 12 Angry Men

2. Murder on the Orient Express

3. Network

4. The Verdict

5. Fail-Safe

I was gonna expand on these choices, but I kinda ran out of steam after 12 Angry Men. Writing about movies is hard. I hope I won’t have to do too much of that in film school.
___________________________________________________

This is the shortest least explained of ANY Top 5 List in THE FUTURIST!'s series. Somehow, though, this warms THE FUTURIST!'s heart; it is true reflection of the sloth-like expectations of THE AMAZING FROLLO. He is never a phony.

Oh, and The Amazing Frollo? You WILL have to write in Film School. THE FUTURIST! predicts that you will perform your finest magic act at Film School. You will finally successfully disappear. And you won't need a steamer trunk or the assistance of a showgirl.

The Amazing Frollo's Opening Act

The above Simian and Stripper Act was recreated for The Amazing Frollo's
Halloween Magic Show opening act last SHOCKtober. Ironically, The Amazing Frollo
disappeared from Utter Despair , N.J. this year. This would mean this was
the most successful disappearing act of his entire career. Congrats!

Samstag Musik für deutsche Karaoke

Last week, on New Year's Eve, THE FUTURIST! was invited to German Cinema Night at THE THIRD MAN Cinema Tavern in Utter Despair. It was a packed house as the proprietor of the movie themed drinking establishment welcomed his year end guests who were seeking a place other than their homes to welcome in 2010. THE FUTURIST! would have happily stayed home, but he was cajoled by Fleming Clamdish to accompany him and some friends. There was a $20 cover charge and the host at the door stamped a white 'M' on your back, in case you went outside for a moment or two and then went back inside. THE FUTURIST! felt a bit melancholy, because haiku was leaving the area to live in Brooklyn, NY and this was his last night in Utter Despair. Later on, haiku arrived and joined the festivities. BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ was being played silently on several wide screen TV screens as the guests milled about eating funnel cake and having a drink. THE FUTURIST! took the opportunity to have a few Fritz Lang Lagers to celebrate and ease his underlying sadness. He, also, noticed that Miss Angela Deppler (2nd Grade Teacher and 1st Class Vixen and his alluring next door neighbor) was there with her current chiseled facial featured boyfriend.

The evening culminated in the eventual clock striking 12:01 am as the New Year arrived. After this annual orgasmic moment of humans appearing ecstatic for another day to arrive, THE THIRD MAN tavern owner started the Karaoke portion of the night. There was, in honor of the German Cinema Night theme, some Marlene Dietrich songs, The Andrew Sisters singing "Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen" and that Nazi boy singing in the beer garden from Bob Fosse's CABARET. The most eccentric moment arrived when a tune from HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL arrived on the screen complete with German lyrics to sing along with ... and THE FUTURIST! (lifted by Fritz Lang Lager) watched as Miss Angela Deppler and her date took to the stage and performed the catchy sappy number. Oh, it was appalling, yet ... THE FUTURIST! felt elated. Miss Angela Deppler and her date (later to be identified as a JC Penney Catalogue dress shirt model) performed the Disney corporate soul sucking song expertly with perfect pronunciation of the German lyrics. IT felt like a musical moment from a bad film ... which it was in actuality, but, also, in reality coming to life before the patrons' eyes. The joy was evident in their eyes and body movements as they swirled about shrugging their cares away. Many people applauded and laughed as the number went on and haiku whispered to THE FUTURIST! that Zac Efron sure could sing, but he was a soulless glamour boy in ME AND ORSON WELLES. Fleming Clamdish corrected haiku and said that Efron's singing voice was dubbed in HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. Their argument was interrupted by the zither like snoring of The Amazing Frollo as he slept through the entire magic moment.

The night ended and THE FUTURIST! and his friends walked out into the cold January air with the sight and sound of momentary happiness still in their heads. THE FUTURIST! thought that Life was much like that bad Disney film ... mostly excruciating, but occasionally there could be 3 to 4 minutes of a volcanic eruption of unbridled senseless bliss to interrupt the usual lava spill of ennui.

P.S. Fleming Clamdish made a comment that if THE FUTURIST! was cast in HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, he would play the father (seen at 2:48) who appears at the side of the stage to show his awe and surprise that his athlete son can actually find his true self through song and dance. Though, if he were THE FUTURIST!'s son, he would not be a basketball star, but the star of the Advanced English Class and school newspaper film critic. THE FUTURIST! would, also, be very jealous his offspring was so damn happy.

Listen and practice your German:


BREAKING FREE
from the film HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL (2006)
performed by Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens

A Very Time Consuming Afternoon

The Amazing Frollo snoozes while

standing up ... like a Shetland Pony

Several weeks ago at an Oktoberfest festivity organized by Fleming Clamdish, a friend of THE FUTURIST!, The Amazing Frollo decided to entertain the party guests with a ditty on his concertina. As THE FUTURIST! has stated before, The Amazing Frollo is New Jersey's laziest magician ... perhaps even North America's laziest magician. This does not stop many from still gathering about to witness his latest public display of entertaining groups with the art of illusion and, finally, anti-climatic bungling. Having the constitution of a garden slug, The Amazing Frollo never accomplishes his goal of entertaining and creates a sort of abstract post-modern touch to his non-accomplishment. This is what entertains ... this is what creates an aura of impending doom that many await with delicious anticipation.

This Sunday afternoon, however, The Amazing Frollo did not offer to perform a feat of escape, card trickery or the extraction of a floppy eared rodent from a battered top hat. This day The Amazing Frollo merely wished to serenade the gathering with a tune on his concertina. He told those that formed a U-shaped audience around him that he would dazzle them all with an old Austrian folk song entitled "Ein Strudel Made for Mein Trudy" written by Heinz Dismembertoes (a German of dubious heritage and character). It did not take more than 6 squeezes on the instrument before The Amazing Frollo fell into a deep sleep. This was accomplished while he stood up straight with his head lowered and the air escaping from the concertina with a sound similar to that of a wheezing pheasant expiring in the brush from bird shot fired from a hunter's rifle. The crowd was ecstatic and applauded loudly.

"The Amazing Frollo never disappoints!" loudly jeered a party guest hoisting a Belgian brew.

"Hey, what if we throw peanuts or pretzel nuggets at him? Will he awaken?" yelled another.

There was quite a bit of blather about Frollo's inertia and several party snacks were eventually tossed. THE FUTURIST! thought he saw some sign of life as a peanut hit his cheek and fell to the pavement. The Amazing Frollo can be aroused from his slumber by food. Once he fell asleep in an Egyptian Mummy Case (made in Hackensack NJ), but was awakened by a stagehand eating a Reuben sandwich nearby. The smell wafted into the cracks of the case's opening and he stumbled out to reappear unshackled, but the audience had disappeared 20 minutes prior and he had no one to witness his first actual completed escape feat. Quite disheartening.

After failing to complete the concertina performance, THE FUTURIST! and haiku used a hand truck to roll the coma-like Amazing Frollo back to THE FUTURIST!'s home where they would deposit him near his automobile. This act of kindness turned into further disaster.

THE FUTURIST! left haiku alone with the lifeless Frollo and went into the house to prep a Sunday martini with Tribuno red vermouth. haiku, desiring to get out of the hot afternoon sun, rolled Frollo into the nearby garage. This was no ordinary garage. THE FUTURIST! has had in his possession for some time a device invented by Dr. Seussonoras known as The Time Tunnel Garage. It looks like this:

The Garage Time Tunnel (patent pending)

The Time Tunnel Garage is a time machine (patent pending) and is quite untested and a bit unreliable. THE FUTURIST! has told haiku to be very careful around and not to enter it if possible. Once THE FUTURIST! went in to get a garden rake and found himself in the sitting room of Oscar Wilde who was in the process of seducing a young gentleman in Burgundy jodhpurs. It was quite awkward. THE FUTURIST! returned post-haste after haiku flipped the Garage return light switch.

THE FUTURIST! has told haiku to be careful around the garage, however, wanting to get out of the hot sun, haiku rolled Frollo into the garage for shade and accidentally activated the garage door. This action made the time machine come to life and haiku and Frollo were transported into the past. THE FUTURIST! quickly ran out after hearing the commotion and rapidly flipped the return switch. The two friends returned, but some strange molecular time shifting anomaly had occurred and both haiku and The Amazing Frollo had returned as young children. This caused great consternation to THE FUTURIST! and haiku, but Frollo was still asleep.

THE FUTURIST! contacted Seussonoras Labs immediately. Dr. Seussonoras assured THE FUTURIST! that both Frollo and haiku could be brought back to their true ages, but he would get to solving this difficult problem after he finished eating a large Italian submarine sandwich and a several gherkin pickles; he was having lunch and you can't blame a man for wanting to enjoy his mid-day meal.

In the meantime, The Amazing Frollo claimed he had been transported to the Titanic and had been performing a water tank escape trick, but never finished his escape due to the ship hitting the fateful iceberg. This meant The Amazing Frollo was submerged in the cold Atlantic ocean waters trapped in a water tank. He was rescued later by some very perplexed Norwegians. He loves to reminiscence about his adventure.

The currently young Amazing Frollo

thinks back to his sea adventure

haiku claims he was transported to 1930s Kansas City and was taught guitar by a black jazz musician named Jug Mouth Landers. It seems he is now very adept at finger strumming. The currently pre-teen haiku beautifully performed a Burt Bacharach tune for THE FUTURIST!. It was delightful. Though often fraught with strange disasters, the sun shines, sometimes, in Utter Despair and some good ... comes from bad.

Some Assembly Required

Staff from Seussonoras Labs deliver The RoboFuturist!

to an undisclosed location in Utter Despair, N.J.

It is disguised in an at-home medical operation device box

due to statutes in New Jersey that outlaw

tropical birds, handguns and androids crossing State lines.

THE FUTURIST! is taking some time off starting Wednesday. He was going to leave the blog in the capable hands of haiku, but he is in Brooklyn doing something involving furniture and NYU paperwork. He then thought of Fleming Clamdish, but he is getting over a very bad breakup with a woman, her sister and a dachshund. There was The Amazing Frollo to consider, but he is so lazy he would just never post ... anyway, he is recovering from water in his lungs after falling asleep while hanging upside down from a chain in an airtight water tank. THE FUTURIST! then thought of Dr. Seussonoras, but the good Doctor had a better idea. He suggested that he send along a new version of The RoboFuturist!. The last version (2.13 and 1/2) had some kinks to workout. THE FUTURIST! had programmed The RoboFuturist! to empty the dishwasher and it ended very badly. The RoboFuturist! seemed totally capable and he was removing the luncheon plates in an orderly fashion. Some time later, THE FUTURIST! heard a terrible metallic noise and the sound of something rattling back and forth. It seemed The RoboFuturist! was having some kind of automaton carnal encounter with the Kenmore Dish Washing Machine. The soap dispenser was overflowing and the cutlery basket was totally destroyed as was haiku's favorite Janus Films 50th Anniversary coffee mug. This resulted in having to buy a new dish washer and total embarrassment since THE FUTURIST! had over his Chekhov short story reading club that fateful afternoon. After seeing The RoboFuturist! nuts and lower torso synthetic bolts in a very inappropriate place in proximity of the utensils and such, the Club members refused to use the spoons and cups provided for their tea, which had just been rinsed clean and dried in the washer. It was a very awkward afternoon in Utter Despair, N.J.

The RoboFuturist! was turned off and boxed by THE FUTURIST! and haiku and returned to Dr. Seussonoras. It hasn't been seen since, but the Doctor says it has been reprogrammed and is ready to handle minor chores while THE FUTURIST! is away, including a new writing program for blog posts. THE FUTURIST! provided Dr. Seussonoras with the needed passwords and instructions and feels confident all should be A-OK, while he travels for a few days.

The RoboFuturist! should continue with the usual Wednesday trailer and Saturday Music features, as well as other incidental entries. Please enjoy his contributions and feel free to comment.

The Amazing Frollo's Really Lazy Last Minute Favorite Scary/Funny Film List

The Amazing Frollo is a magician, of sorts, that THE FUTURIST! has made the acquaintance of ... and he is the most blatantly worst magician he has ever seen. His "tricks" and his showmanship of illusion are quite anti-climatic. He has attempted to vanish and escape from strait-jackets and water tanks, but has usually fallen asleep during the attempt. It may be narcolepsy, but THE FUTURIST! believes it is pure laziness. The Amazing Frollo has the constitution of a garden slug. He barely can dress himself. He can rarely be relied upon for anything. He has been lucky that his cheap sideshow accomplices have saved his life the hundreds of times he has fallen into a sleepy stupor in an airtight trunk or, as mentioned, a locked water tank wherein he has almost drowned many times. Why s he a magician? Why does he persist in this half-assed attempts at prestidigitation? THE FUTURIST! doesn't know ... but he is continuously amazed at The Amazing Frollo.

In the above photo, he is pictured in a trunk during a recent show at the Marriott Marquis Theater in Manhattan. He fell asleep in the trunk pictured above during his show. The lock was not unlatched, due to the fact that his assistant was arrested for male sexual solicitation during intermission and he had the only key. The stage hands at the theater put the trunk, with Frollo inside, in the standby parking area of the Marriott Marquis Hotel and it was mistakenly picked up with other hotel guest luggage. In this case, it was included among Broadway diva Bernadette Peters' personal bags and transferred to Branson, Missouri where she was doing a revival of ANNIE GET YOUR GUN. The Amazing Frollo is currently awaiting bail in a "Show Me State" city jail.

In the spirit of his supreme mastery of sloth, The Amazing Frollo waited until Halloween to add his list of SHOCKtober film favorites. Here they are:

THE AMAZING FROLLO'S TOP 10
FAVORITE SCARY/FUNNY FILMS

Ghostbusters
This may not be considered a horror, but it has ghosts in it so I don't care. It also scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. And it's also one of the best comedies ever made, hands down.

Young Frankenstein
Somehow or another, Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks managed to make the definitive Frankenstein movie. Brooks' direction is faithful in a way that he would somehow forget to replicate in every other movie he made afterwards.

Return of the Killer Tomatoes
This film manages to be both a brilliant satire of awful low budget 80s horror flicks, and an awful low budget 80s horror flick. And George Clooney was absolutely charming, even back then.

An American Werewolf in London
John Landis' love letter to the monster movie genre is a good old-fashioned horror disguised as one of them newfangled gorefests. It could have fit right in in the 1940s, had the Hays Code not explicitly prohibited the depiction of werewolf penis.

Shaun of the Dead
This film really surprised me when I first saw it. I was expecting a funny zombie movie, but what I got was a brilliantly crafted comedy with scares and romance and fight choreography set to Queen. The total package, really.

Evil Dead II
I remember one of my friends brought this to a sleepover party that I had and I was disappointed that it wasn't as bad as Evil Dead I. But it does have Bruce Campbell going insane for 45 minutes, and that you can't really beat.

Beetlejuice
Something about this movie utterly appealed to me as a child, and for that I will always love it. I think it might have been the complete and utter silliness of everything that happens in the film. I've always been a sucker for that sort of thing.

Arsenic and Old Lace
Okay, this is really stretching the definition of horror, but I'd be remiss if I didn't put it on here. It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, and a great way to spend two nice cozy hours at the end of Halloween.

You will notice there are only 8 and not 10 films in the list. In the spirit of his inertia, The Amazing Frollo could only transcribe 8, before succumbing to a loss of energy. He was then shot out of a cannon into a vat of beer at a recent Oktoberfest.

4 Days with Quentin Tarantino

THE FUTURIST! devotes today through Friday (minus Wednesday for the regular See You Next Wednesday! trailer feature) to film director Quentin Tarantino. This Friday will be the American premiere of his latest film Inglourious Basterds. Mr. Tarantino hosted a festival of movies he admires on Sky Movies Indie on August 14 -16. THE FUTURIST! will feature several of these introductions to the movies each day for your entertainment. Mr. Tarantino showed great brilliance once, in THE FUTURIST!'s humble opinion, but seems to have squandered it a bit in his choices in what he has created for the screen; he seems to have become a parody of his own style. His habit of having characters talk and talk and talk and then have punctuations of visual violence seem to get longer and longer and seem obvious and uncomfortable ... case in point, his last film Death Proof. The last few ventures seem like vulgar Eric Rohmer movies with breaking bones, samurai swords and high speed cars. One thing THE FUTURIST! likes, though, is when Mr. Tarantino talks. He loves loves loves movies and his passion is so evident and contagious. You may not agree with everything he chooses or says, but his rapid fire patter is hypnotizing and he invites you to engage your own passions for that white screen in the dark depicting dreams brought to life by moving light.

The first video is Mr. Tarantino listing his favorites films of the last 17 years ... this is since he made his first film in 1992. THE FUTURIST! has not seen many of the films he lists, but one film is an amazing pick ... Anything Else directed by Woody Allen. This is the film by Woody that THE FUTURIST! himself believes is Woody's last great film. It blows quirky indie cliche rom-com piffle (that aspires to be cynical Woody-esque love story material) like (500) Days of Summer out of the water.

A salute is performed (but not in a Fascist manner) in honor of The Amazing Mike Frollo for bringing this Tarantino material to THE FUTURIST!'s attention.

After the 4th - Part 1

The Amazing Frollo performed his annual 4th of July Inferno Leap into an above the ground pool. It was part of his holiday EXPLOSIVE SHOW near Lake Taciturn NJ. Actually, he DID NOT make the leap successfully into the pool ... there was a miscalculation in the adjustment of the catapult which threw him through the air like a human medieval projectile ....



... and he landed into the carnival restroom facilities. Luckily, due to a plumbing problem, the Men's and Ladies restrooms were closed for repairs which had resulted in many holiday revelers relieving themselves in the nearby woods and in the clown tent. The Amazing Frollo survived, but was not happy; his head had to be extracted from a porcelain imprisonment.

IN OTHER NEWS ...


Dan Werner lost a tip of his index finger after igniting a Cherry Bomb at the neighborhood block party. Miss Angela Deppler, 24 yr old 2nd grade teacher and 1st class vixen, accidentally swallowed the finger tip after it landed in her Dr. Pepper. Resident Senior Citizen Vernon Clawson provided The Heimlich Maneuver to stop Miss Deppler from choking. Vernon was successful in aiding her, but had to be given CPR after he became too excited over holding the voluptuous teacher's lithe form and applying life saving pressure under her breastbone.

Saturday Music by Django Reinhardt

On pure whim THE FUTURIST! recently purchased a two cd set of music by Django Reinhardt. THE FUTURIST! knew nothing about this Belgian born Gypsy jazz guitarist until he had seen Woody Allen's film Sweet and Lowdown. In the film a fictional 1930s jazz guitarist played by Sean Penn is envious and phobic about the talents of Mr. Reinhardt and his fears and jealousy become a running gag in the film. Reading a short bio on Mr. Reinhardt revealed that he was in a terrible house fire when he was 18 yrs old and suffered great burns. He almost had his leg amputated and the third and fourth fingers of his left hand were badly maimed by the flames. He was told he would never play the guitar again. He persevered and through determination and rehabilitation learned to play with only two fingers and used the injured fingers for chord work. The Amazing Frollo, one of the laziest men on Earth, should take heed of Django's story of determination ... Frollo complains of just having to arise from bed in the morning.

Here he plays a beautiful love song in his famous style along with violinist Stephane Grappelli, who collaborated with him many many times. The sound of the violin and the jazz guitar are beautiful to the ears and make the heart a bit lighter.

Listen:



I'M CONFESSIN' THAT I LOVE YOU (1934)
performed by Django Reinhardt and Stephane Grappelli

Top 5 Films of Utter Despair

THE FUTURIST! was a sad person before he lost most of his hair.
Now, he's even more melancholy.

THE FUTURIST! was recently asked by John Lichman of Current TV (home of The Rotten Tomatoes Movie Show) to compose a Top 5 List of films of any genre or theme. Mr. Lichman is the show's on-line producer and helms the Current TV Movies Blog. He adds things of cinematic interest to the blog daily with his comedic word play, eye for silly visuals and oft times black sense of humor. Last week he instituted this Top 5 Film list with his first contributor - Glenn Kenny, film critic and the "Sydney Greenstreet" of movie blogging. It was quite an honor and a surprise to receive an email from John Lichman asking THE FUTURIST! to be the 2nd person to construct a list.

After much head scratching and conferences with haiku and The Amazing Frollo (a very lazy acquaintance of THE FUTURIST!), a decision was made. THE FUTURIST! would construct a list of his favorite Top 5 Films of Utter Despair. It's a very international list of great taste and deep sorrow; two of the films have their settings in places with lots of deep, perpetual snow and grey skies, one is in 1930s Los Angeles, one in feudal Japan and another involves depressed neurotic New Yorkers and suicide.

Please enjoy click on the highlighted text above and hopefully you shall enjoy it.

THE FUTURIST! thanks John Lichman for his consideration of THE FUTURIST! in contributing to this series of weekly lists. He has made THE FUTURIST! very happy ... momentarily very happy.