Samstag Musik für deutsche Karaoke

Last week, on New Year's Eve, THE FUTURIST! was invited to German Cinema Night at THE THIRD MAN Cinema Tavern in Utter Despair. It was a packed house as the proprietor of the movie themed drinking establishment welcomed his year end guests who were seeking a place other than their homes to welcome in 2010. THE FUTURIST! would have happily stayed home, but he was cajoled by Fleming Clamdish to accompany him and some friends. There was a $20 cover charge and the host at the door stamped a white 'M' on your back, in case you went outside for a moment or two and then went back inside. THE FUTURIST! felt a bit melancholy, because haiku was leaving the area to live in Brooklyn, NY and this was his last night in Utter Despair. Later on, haiku arrived and joined the festivities. BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ was being played silently on several wide screen TV screens as the guests milled about eating funnel cake and having a drink. THE FUTURIST! took the opportunity to have a few Fritz Lang Lagers to celebrate and ease his underlying sadness. He, also, noticed that Miss Angela Deppler (2nd Grade Teacher and 1st Class Vixen and his alluring next door neighbor) was there with her current chiseled facial featured boyfriend.

The evening culminated in the eventual clock striking 12:01 am as the New Year arrived. After this annual orgasmic moment of humans appearing ecstatic for another day to arrive, THE THIRD MAN tavern owner started the Karaoke portion of the night. There was, in honor of the German Cinema Night theme, some Marlene Dietrich songs, The Andrew Sisters singing "Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen" and that Nazi boy singing in the beer garden from Bob Fosse's CABARET. The most eccentric moment arrived when a tune from HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL arrived on the screen complete with German lyrics to sing along with ... and THE FUTURIST! (lifted by Fritz Lang Lager) watched as Miss Angela Deppler and her date took to the stage and performed the catchy sappy number. Oh, it was appalling, yet ... THE FUTURIST! felt elated. Miss Angela Deppler and her date (later to be identified as a JC Penney Catalogue dress shirt model) performed the Disney corporate soul sucking song expertly with perfect pronunciation of the German lyrics. IT felt like a musical moment from a bad film ... which it was in actuality, but, also, in reality coming to life before the patrons' eyes. The joy was evident in their eyes and body movements as they swirled about shrugging their cares away. Many people applauded and laughed as the number went on and haiku whispered to THE FUTURIST! that Zac Efron sure could sing, but he was a soulless glamour boy in ME AND ORSON WELLES. Fleming Clamdish corrected haiku and said that Efron's singing voice was dubbed in HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. Their argument was interrupted by the zither like snoring of The Amazing Frollo as he slept through the entire magic moment.

The night ended and THE FUTURIST! and his friends walked out into the cold January air with the sight and sound of momentary happiness still in their heads. THE FUTURIST! thought that Life was much like that bad Disney film ... mostly excruciating, but occasionally there could be 3 to 4 minutes of a volcanic eruption of unbridled senseless bliss to interrupt the usual lava spill of ennui.

P.S. Fleming Clamdish made a comment that if THE FUTURIST! was cast in HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, he would play the father (seen at 2:48) who appears at the side of the stage to show his awe and surprise that his athlete son can actually find his true self through song and dance. Though, if he were THE FUTURIST!'s son, he would not be a basketball star, but the star of the Advanced English Class and school newspaper film critic. THE FUTURIST! would, also, be very jealous his offspring was so damn happy.

Listen and practice your German:


BREAKING FREE
from the film HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL (2006)
performed by Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens

After the 4th - Part 1

The Amazing Frollo performed his annual 4th of July Inferno Leap into an above the ground pool. It was part of his holiday EXPLOSIVE SHOW near Lake Taciturn NJ. Actually, he DID NOT make the leap successfully into the pool ... there was a miscalculation in the adjustment of the catapult which threw him through the air like a human medieval projectile ....



... and he landed into the carnival restroom facilities. Luckily, due to a plumbing problem, the Men's and Ladies restrooms were closed for repairs which had resulted in many holiday revelers relieving themselves in the nearby woods and in the clown tent. The Amazing Frollo survived, but was not happy; his head had to be extracted from a porcelain imprisonment.

IN OTHER NEWS ...


Dan Werner lost a tip of his index finger after igniting a Cherry Bomb at the neighborhood block party. Miss Angela Deppler, 24 yr old 2nd grade teacher and 1st class vixen, accidentally swallowed the finger tip after it landed in her Dr. Pepper. Resident Senior Citizen Vernon Clawson provided The Heimlich Maneuver to stop Miss Deppler from choking. Vernon was successful in aiding her, but had to be given CPR after he became too excited over holding the voluptuous teacher's lithe form and applying life saving pressure under her breastbone.

2nd Grade Teacher, 1st Class Vixen

Today the January winds were very brisk and very cold in Utter Despair, New Jersey. THE FUTURIST! buttoned his overcoat up, wrapped his scarf around his neck and even had to don a fleece ski cap to protect his head from the gusts of frigid air. His attention was paid mostly to his not being blown away and keeping his eyes alert from flying debris; he dodged a trash can lid, an errant maple tree branch, the Sports Section of The Utter Despair Times, a fast food beverage cup, a woman's wig, an empty baby stroller and a teacup Chihuahua (THE FUTURIST! memorized the phone number on the dog's collar in order to, later, call Tito's owner when he got home).

As he walked at a Dutch Angle to the door of his abode, he noticed that his next door neighbor, Miss Angela Deppler, had had her trash can knocked over by the wintry gusts. THE FUTURIST! is known to be very neighborly to Miss Deppler. She is a young woman in her twenty-somethings who is polite, soft spoken, always genial and practices Pilate's, yoga and other body toning regimens clad in the most skimpy of undergarments and, oft times, naked, but at an angle of a PG-13 nature, in her bedroom window. The perfect neighbor.

Miss Deppler is a 2nd Grade teacher at August Strindberg Elementary and lives alone. She once, dressed in her tennis outfit, very perspired and showing off her attributes much like the showcase window of Tiffany's, asked haiku if he could bring in her mail and daily newspaper while she was spending her vacation at Easter Island. He acquiesced and took a tumble into the azaleas, lost his favorite fountain pen and frightened a squirrel who then bit his right pinkie. THE FUTURIST! rushed him to a physician. As he was being administered varied hypodermics of oddly colored serums, haiku kept muttering, "Miss Deppler spoke to me. She spoke to me. She ... she ... spo- " and he fainted. After haiku's 5th abdominal injection, THE FUTURIST! passed out, as well.

This day, however, there was no chance of fainting to the ground. If THE FUTURIST! had succumbed to a spell of vapors, he would never have hit the macadam. The forceful winds would have kept his unconscious body hovering above the terra firma and would carry him away. He noticed Miss Deppler's overturned trash receptacle and walked over to put it in an upright position. It was his way of being a good neighbor. Of course, the trash can was on the side of her bedroom window wherein THE FUTURIST! knew she practiced her art of free-spirited calisthenics. Perhaps, she was home? Perhaps, she was feeling the need for stretching? THE FUTURIST! lifted the can to a standing position and saw that some debris had fallen out. He gingerly, since he is germ conscious, picked up the garbage and threw it back into the can. As he performed this action, he noticed a large green rubber surgical glove hanging out of the can. It had something written on its palm....

THE FUTURIST! promptly fainted. The wind carried his unconscious body half a block. In a very cramped awkward position, he awoke in the runaway empty baby stroller that had passed him earlier. A low decibel grow came from underneath his lower back and he felt a wriggling sensation and his overcoat being gnawed. He took out his cell and dialed Tito's owner.