A Word from Tab Hunter

THE FUTURIST!'s father had this short filmed message, by closeted film heartthrob Tab Hunter, shown before ALL family home movies featuring THE FUTURIST!'s Aunt Vespa.

See You Next Wednesday!

Little Room for a View

Fleming Clamdish poses in a very laconic manner with his
house warming gift, which he has no idea where to place.

Fleming Clamdish just got a new apartment in Utter Despair. It is extremely tiny. The ironing board, which springs from a door in the wall, doubles as his bed. He can make breakfast and make his bed at the same time, by merely turning to the right or left. He doubles his bed sheets as a kitchen table cloth. The clothes closet fits two shirts, a coat and one pair of shoes and his Scrabble board game (the junior edition); it resembles a High School locker. Watching television is awkward. There is room for only one chair in the living room; a blue love seat. THE FUTURIST! found it very odd sitting so close to Fleming Clamdish on that tight chair watching My Beautiful Launderette. Fleming Clamdish is a big Stephen Frears fan. THE FUTURIST! asked haiku what would be an appropriate house warming gift. haiku replied, "Don't you mean an appropriate casket warming gift?" haiku can be a smart ass. THE FUTURIST! decided on a food processor which he purchased at Bed Bath & Beyond. Fleming Clamdish accepted it with a small smile and in a taciturn manner. He kept it in his hands through the entire visit and was still holding it after THE FUTURIST! left. Fleming Clamdish said, "Oh, I will eventually find a place for ... it." haiku left after the presentation of the gift. He said, "My presence here is not needed anymore ... plus, my oxygen tank is running low, I need to go out and get some real air." He wore a scuba diving air tank with breathing nozzle to the house warming party. As stated, he can be a smart ass.

Silent Haircut Comedy

If you please, watch this modern silent short directed by Dougal Wilson, photographed by Alvin H. Kutchler and produced by Matthew Fone for Blink Productions. The hero is played by Matt Baynton. This silent film is one of a number of "Opera Shorts" commissioned by Sky Arts for the English National Opera.

THE FUTURIST! likes this very much. It looks like an old silent film; the cinematography has that shiny polished reflective glare of silent film of years ago The action is very professionally accomplished in the comedic style of the past. The tracking shots are beautiful. THE FUTURIST! loves a tracking shot ... and silent comedy.



* Thanks to The Bioscope for bringing this to THE FUTURIST!'s attention.

THE FUTURIST! Asks ...

What is Ypsilanti?

1. a skin disorder
2. an alien mastermind who battles Green Lantern
3. a new type of margarine
4. the Icelandic word for Sex closet
5. a Norwegian puppy's bark

No ... it's where Seussonoras Labs is located. Seussonoras Labs supplies THE FUTURIST! with many new inventions for testing and critical analysis.

Saturday Music by Django Reinhardt

On pure whim THE FUTURIST! recently purchased a two cd set of music by Django Reinhardt. THE FUTURIST! knew nothing about this Belgian born Gypsy jazz guitarist until he had seen Woody Allen's film Sweet and Lowdown. In the film a fictional 1930s jazz guitarist played by Sean Penn is envious and phobic about the talents of Mr. Reinhardt and his fears and jealousy become a running gag in the film. Reading a short bio on Mr. Reinhardt revealed that he was in a terrible house fire when he was 18 yrs old and suffered great burns. He almost had his leg amputated and the third and fourth fingers of his left hand were badly maimed by the flames. He was told he would never play the guitar again. He persevered and through determination and rehabilitation learned to play with only two fingers and used the injured fingers for chord work. The Amazing Frollo, one of the laziest men on Earth, should take heed of Django's story of determination ... Frollo complains of just having to arise from bed in the morning.

Here he plays a beautiful love song in his famous style along with violinist Stephane Grappelli, who collaborated with him many many times. The sound of the violin and the jazz guitar are beautiful to the ears and make the heart a bit lighter.

Listen:



I'M CONFESSIN' THAT I LOVE YOU (1934)
performed by Django Reinhardt and Stephane Grappelli

Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite!

Dr. Adam Flisser will explain the dangers of bed hopping, dirty hairbrushes, sheets, headphones and hair. And get a load of the very scary Pubic Lice. These microscopic bugs live on your skin and blood. According to this video, college students are filthy pigs with lots of body lice. After watching this THE FUTURIST!'s crotch suddenly feels very ... itchy.