THE FUTURIST!'s Alarm Clock

This past early Sunday morning THE FUTURIST! had to set his clocks back one hour for the usual seasonal Standard Time setting. It is quite a tedious chore to go around changing every wall clock or clock radio in the house. It is very important that THE FUTURIST! makes sure his bedroom alarm clock is set correctly. He does not want it awakening him at the wrong hour. It is a special video alarm clock designed by Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Dr. Seussonoras fabricated it especially for THE FUTURIST! ... it starts his day off in the perfect Utter Despair manner.

Observe:

Summer Blast

THE FUTURIST! must contact Dr. Seussonoras at Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan very soon. He needs to know if the Good Doctor can manufacture one of these sonic cannons for THE FUTURIST!'s use this Summer. It would be excellent to end the noisy late night barbecue parties that occur on weekend nights at the house down the street. If THE FUTURIST! can conceal this weapon discreetly AND with a clear path for its halo effect of structural destruction (this may mean cutting down the hedges next door and relocating the bird bath), THE FUTURIST! feels this would be an ideal deterrent.

Easter Morning Memory of the Past

THE FUTURIST! awoke this Easter morning with a shocking memory of a Easter morn years and years ago. Most evenings he uses The Seussonoras Cerebral Slumber Sensor to record his dreams during the wee hours. On this Easter morning, THE FUTURIST! awoke to rewind the recorder and found this still from a past memory. THE (then) YOUNG FUTURIST! probed an electrical outlet in the kitchen and received several volts of energy from the Utter Despair Power Company. He was unconscious for quite awhile and missed out on the family Easter Egg Hunt ... but, much like Our Savior, he rose from the dead in time for the afternoon Lamb dinner. It was quite a delicious repast, however, THE YOUNG FUTURIST! noticed everything tasted metallic.

Christmas Tree Topper

This is an original Robot Tree Topper created at Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan.

THE FUTURIST! Asks ...

What is Ypsilanti?

1. a skin disorder
2. an alien mastermind who battles Green Lantern
3. a new type of margarine
4. the Icelandic word for Sex closet
5. a Norwegian puppy's bark

No ... it's where Seussonoras Labs is located. Seussonoras Labs supplies THE FUTURIST! with many new inventions for testing and critical analysis.

Dial D for Demonic Death!

The video below is from Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Experimentation is done very often in the company break room by the staff. On April 14th, Carl Twenner, a lower level stockroom clerk, decided to microwave one of the experimental cell phones being prepared for shipment to a secret client known only as DAMIEN LORD OF THE FLIES. Carl has been known to find pleasure in microwaving objects; a rubber ball, a tube of peppermint toothpaste, a penny loafer and a bottle of Dr. Seussonoras' Raspberry Night of Summer Passion Hand Lotion. He once mixed and matched staff sandwiches in the break room refrigerator and is suspected of urinating in the coffee maker. Dr. Steven Seussonoras (THE FUTURIST!'s personal supplier of inventions) decided that he had enough of this prankster and set up Carl with this particular cell phone. The entire procedure by Carl was filmed by Seussonoras Labs Security Cameras and a transcript of the experiment precedes and follows the video.

TRANSCRIPT OF CELL PHONE MICROWAVING
PARTICIPANTS: Carl Twenner, Louis Driplund, Ronald Swinterplanningford

CARL: This is gonna be cool!

RONALD: Hey, can we do this? Is this gonna be ok?

LOUIS: Seussonoras is getting pissed at you, Carl. We better not get caught.

CARL: Shutup, you dumb ass. Gimme the phone, Lou.



UNKNOWN VOICE: OH MY GOD OH MY F**KIN' GOD!!! JESUS!! OH NO!!

UNKNOWN VOICE: OH OH OH NO ... NO MY ARM ... Aaaaaarghh!! ...

UNKNOWN VOICE: IT'S EATING CARL'S GROIN!!! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!

UNKNOWN VOICE: STAY AWAY NO NO NO ..............

SILENCE

UNKNOWN FEMALE VOICE: Excuse me, guys, but would you mind cleaning that microwave after using it? I want to heat my Lean Cuisine later. Why are the lights off? What's that odor? (silence) (voice in distance) Beth ... ? Beth, you should smell what they are cooking in there. It smells like rotten meat.

END OF TRANSMISSION.

Dr. Seussonoras told THE FUTURIST! that he will be showing this video at this year's Christmas party.

The Mysterious Package from Seussonoras Labs Inc., Ypsilanti, Michigan

Mysterious item sent to THE FUTURIST!
from Seussonoras Labs.

THE FUTURIST! is very interested in the mysterious, the odd, the unexplained and a really good bowl of chicken broth with Orzo pasta. Aiding him in his quest in searching out the bizarre is, of course, haiku, but there is, also, a young man in Ypsilanti, Michigan named Dr. Steven Seussonoras, young Great Lakes genius and noted Indie Bandologist. Seussonoras is the owner, founder and main inventor of Seussonoras Labs. He and his technical crew are constantly creating new inventions of fascinating proportions. These innovations in science and science fiction hope to advance man's ease in living and pleasure. Most of his inventions have no patent; there are all in a pending mode or have been completely rejected by the government. Oft times, The Doctor must sell to foreign agencies which have made him the target of U.S. Government harassment and phone tapping. This has put a crimp in his calls to male escort services. The government operatives listening in are doing more heavy breathing than the good Doctor.

Seussonoras Labs have provided THE FUTURIST! with many inventions and time saving devices. There has been The Toaster Glove Compartment, The Bed Spread Self-Spreader, The Bird Bath Whirlpool, The Doppelganger Radar Detector and many more. Recently, THE FUTURIST! received the product (shown above) from Dr. Seussonoras. THE FUTURIST! was baffled as to what it was and why he had received it. He immediately asked haiku if he had ordered it. haiku related he only orders from the Criterion Collection online and from not mad scientists in Michigan. So, immediately a letter was sent to Seussonoras Labs :

"Dearest Doctor ...

hakiu recently unwrapped an odd instrument of sorts sent to THE FUTURIST!'s address. It resembles a ray gun, hand-held heating coil or medieval bug zapper. What is this? (photo enclosed) Please respond. .

signed
THE FUTURIST!"

then this response came by text message from Dr. Seussonoras:

"TO THE FUTURIST! !!

Object sent was in error! That device was actually included in the original run of the Sex Closet back in '92. It turned out that my minions forgot to put instructions in the package and consumers ended up sawing their genitalia off accidentally.

I also forgot to place instructions in your package.

DEAR GOD! DON'T USE IT!

AS always, you are a bright beacon of truth in a dark tunnel of horrible lies, Futurist! I will have to speak to my PR team about this debacle."

Love,
Dr. S. Seussonoras

then back to The Doctor:

"Doctor, thank you for the warning. The device went no where near any genitalia. We were baffled by its use ... but, once switched on, we heard a whirring noise and experimented. It proved to cut roasted pork loin magnificently and even mixed a pitcher of martinis. However, our lovely neighbor Miss Angela Deppler, 2nd grade teacher and 1st class vixen, asked to borrow it for a wedding shower party this Friday. We assumed she'd use it as a mixer, but ... oh ... do you think she may think its a "stimulating" mechanism for frisky naughty girl activities, which occur at these events? Doctor ... if so ... THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!!"

THE FUTURIST!

Then back:

"FUTURIST!

"My lawyers have been contacted in case this minx that lives next door to you sues for damages. Hopefully, it was just used for Bloody Marys and mixing Cosmos ... possibly a tasty chip dip. Personally, WE prefer Paul Newman Salsa here at The Labs for our chips. Hope all is well."

Wearing no pants,
Dr. S. Seussonoras

Luckily no one was hurt.

Another mystery solved!!