The Annual Oscar Prediction 2010 Edition Guest Ghosted by The Ghost of James Whale

Today is the big day in Hollywood. Today The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences bestow their annual awards to those they feel deserved the honor in prior years, but were ignored due to the hype heaped upon another .. or maybe just feel like giving an award to someone for career achievements whether they truly deserve it in the category they are nominated in or not. Many pundits and bloggers and tweeters are feverishly transcribing their picks in what and who will win and what and who they feel SHOULD win. THE FUTURIST!, as he did last year, is going to be assisted in Oscar outcome predicting by supernatural means ... and who better than someone who was a Hollywood insider ... The Ghost of film Director James Whale.

This year the fine man and women of Seussonoras Labs (located in Ypsilanti, Michigan) used a Spectral Transmitting Cabinet and illegal use of a Verizon Cell Phone Tower to transmit The Ghost of James Whale from the Spirit World and into the abandoned Lyric movie theater in Utter Despair, NJ.


Please read on and take heed of The Ghost of James Whale's predictions. Last year he predicted 50% of the winners. He claims he could have done better but was too transfixed on the male attraction of THE HURT LOCKER.

THE GHOST OF JAMES WHALE's
2010 OSCAR PREDICTIONS

BEST PICTURE - THE KING'S SPEECH

"Undoubtedly this year it will be all things England, my dear boy. Hollywood will return to the glory days of boring emotionally stirring paper thin plotting of films of the past ... yes ... a movie all about people better than us who are just as infallible as us and who can be made even better by the little people, as long as those little people remember their place. We love royalty, don't we? So, let's put an end to This Queen's Speech and predict it shall be time again to give the gold to jolly old England."

BEST DIRECTOR - TOM HOOPER

"Oh, this Tom Hooper person reminds me of Private Daniel St. Saltpeter. He was this thin tall sprightly eyed chap who was in the trenches with me during WW I. I think he will get it. Well he did get it. Shot in the stomach while standing up to do his calisthenics one morning. This Hooper got the DGA Award, didn't he? That's a good indicator that he will win the Oscar, my dear THE FUTURIST! ... yes ... in deed. Pvt. St. Saltpeter received a DGA, as well. The Direct Groping Advance by yours truly. Oh, that is so silly of me ... so silly ... sigh ..."

BEST ACTOR - COLIN FIRTH

"Mr. Firth should have won it last year when that Bridges fellow won the Oscar playing that filthy drunken lout of a country singer. Oh, he was dirty looking. Firth was so wonderful in A SINGLE MAN ... so sad, so perfect, so well lit. And that house he lived in? It should have won Best Supported Dwelling."

BEST ACTRESS - NATALIE PORTMAN

"I'm getting bored. This is so predictable. This little pixie will get it. Oh, she's young, she's pretty, she got pregnant by a man who coached her in ballet technique ... AND she married him. It's astounding. What? Why astounding? Well, astounding that this ballet instructor wasn't gay, my dear boy. That's a pure Hollywood fairy tale. Well, actually a non-Fairy Tale, to be honest. Oh, and there is a Lezzer scene. Hollywood loves to watch 2 girls go at it in a big glitzzy movie. It's so legit for them. Usually they have to pay for it to be done for them privately."

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR and ACTRESS -

CHRISTIAN BALE
HAILEE STEINFELD

"This Bale character is so overbearing. But he does what THEY love SO much ... changes his physique, acts like a shock shelled mental case and does an accent. Again ... so predictable. And that little girl from TRUE GRIT is just such a success story for them ... she comes from no where to be so good. They want us to believe it can happen to any of us. Her clothes were so drab in that movie. I hope she adds a little color tonight. And please ... no PIGTAILS. I will do it and say it ... SHUDDER!"

BEST ANIMATED FILM - TOY STORY 3

"I have nothing to say about this ... except this is a silly category. Cartoons were supposed to be before the main attraction. I hated Walt Disney. He was a racist, anti-semite homophobe. But, he knew how to draw an attractive Prince. I would have loved to rotoscope the actor who played that Snow White Prince. I'd make sure my pencil was especially sharp that day. Oh, don't look at me that way, THE FUTURIST!"

BEST ART DIRECTION - THE KING'S SPEECH

"Oh, I loved how the director moved the camera so the actor was to the side of the screen and we could stare at the other side of the screen where we could see how decorated the props and such were. Very nice. Kudos. I'm bored."

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY - TRUE GRIT

"If you can make dirt and dust and gray and hundreds of shades of brown look enticing, well, then you should get the award. That's all."

BEST COSTUME DESIGN - THE KING'S SPEECH

"The suits looked so good. In fact, they reminded me of my own closet. Yes. Beautiful tailored suits. And that one dress that Bonham-Carter wore? That was in my closet, too. I'm silly. Tickle me.HA! I'm a GHOST, you fool, you can't. But ... I do so want a tickle."

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE - INSIDE JOB

"I'm only picking this because I don't like the titles of the other nominees. GASLAND sounds disgusting, RESTREPO sounds like an Italian dinner and I don't like pasta very much, WASTE LAND? Who likes a Waste Land? And that Banksy movie EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP? I never exit through the gift shop. I enter through the front and exit through the front. Though, I do like entering from the back. GOT YOU, THE FUTURIST! I GOT YOU AGAIN! HA HAHA!"

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT - POSTER GIRL

"This is a pure guess. They may think it's about a Playboy Centerfold. Hollywood loves sex."

BEST FILM EDITING - THE SOCIAL NETWORK

"This movie had a lot of attractive young men. My rule is that the best movie in this category is the one where, no matter where or when you cut, you will always see an attractive young man. Thumbs up Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter."

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM - INCENDIES

"Canada is full of British people. Tonight is the night of The British. There are some Frogs there, too, but it is The Queen's Country in most respects. And this queen visited there often. Lots of good hunting up there, if you get my drift. And I tapped a few maple trees up there, too."

BEST MAKEUP - THE WOLFMAN

"I really preferred Jack Pierce's makeup of THE WOLFMAN back in the day. This is too scary."

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE - THE KING'S SPEECH

"I heard through the spirit grapevine that there was a lot of drugs being sold on the - What? Music? Oh, of course. Well it won;t be 127 HOURS, then. Give it to Alexandre Desplat. I like his last name ... DESPLAT! That's the sound I made when I made my final dip in my pool. A little black humor to soften the sex jokes, my dear boy."

BEST ORIGINAL SONG -
WE BELONG TOGETHER from TOY STORY 3

"They gave this award a long time ago to Randy Newman. He didn't deserve it then and he doesn't deserve it now. But he'll get it. I dread hearing his croaking voice tonight. Oh dear."

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM - THE GRUFFALO
BEST ANIMATED LIVE ACTION SHORT - NA WEWE

"I never watch these things. All I know is one is called Gruffalo which will make the voters think of Mark Ruffalo who is nominated in the Best Supporting Actor category. And the other one will make them think of getting to the restroom during commercial breaks."

BEST SOUND EDITING - INCEPTION
BEST SOUND MIXING - INCEPTION
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS - INCEPTION

"Oh, I just wish that Leonardo or Tom Hardy would incept me. That's all."

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY - THE SOCIAL NETWORK

"Again ... lots of attractive young men talking a lot. Lots of words coming from the mouths of attractive young men with the camera just on them and shooting. That's a winner."

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - THE KING'S SPEECH

"It's called THE KING'S SPEECH. It's about talking and speech impediments. It's a no brainer. Plus the British speak so well. Even with a stutter."

THE FUTURIST! thanks The Ghost of James Whale for his input in this annual ritual and will now conclude this interview. Please watch The Oscars tonight to see how his predictions work out. Any last words, Ghost of James Whale?

"Not actually. I must get back to the spirit world. I was attending a very enjoyable fete at The Ghost of George Cukor's home. It was a pool side party. It was fun, however they kept asking me to do the dead man's float in the damn pool. Tiresome. It was instigated by The Ghost of Ramon Navarro. He played Ben-Hur, you know. More like Ben-HER, to be more accurate. Ta, THE FUTURIST! Until next time!"

Saturday Music Delayed One Day and Played on a Psychiatrist's Piano

THE FUTURIST! apologizes for the Sunday post of a usual Saturday ritual.
THE FUTURIST! was so busy yesterday due to work and then an excursion into Manhattan and then into the bowels of the hellish Elizabeth NJ. He was unable to ready this Saturday Music post. Well, then ... onto the musical selection for Feb. 26.

THE FUTURIST! visited his friend and therapist Dr. Alexander Porto this week.
You may remember Dr. Porto from this post (click!) and this post (click!)

THE FUTURIST! has been a bit troubled of late and decided a visit to his therapist was in order. Upon entering Dr. Porto's offices, THE FUTURIST! was greeted by the vivacious Nurse Lutz and then escorted into Porto's comfortable darkly paneled personal environs of mind bending.

Dr. Porto was extremely friendly, as usual, but still had his air of menace and superiority. AS stated in previous posts, Dr. Porto is a very interesting, intelligent, yet horrible person. He asked THE FUTURIST! if he wished to lie on his leather couch or sit on his psychiatric love seat. THE FUTURIST! decide to lie down. He has been very fatigued of late ... both physically and mentally. Dr. Porto then said he he would provide a very comfortable pillow for head resting. He said it would be bought in by his college intern.

The Doctor asked if THE FUTURIST! had seen Yi Yi. THE FUTURIST! replied that he had not watched it yet. But he owned a copy. Dr. Porto laughed with a hint of "oh you are so silly" inflection. HE did not mean the Criterion DVD of the film directed by Edward Yang. He meant his new college intern who appeared holding a small cushioned stool.

"This is Yee Yee. She is an exchange student from the University of Nakadai in Tokyo."

Yee Yee had been using the stool to sit on in an adjacent room connected to Dr. Porto's offices. "Sorry to have taken your piano stool, Doctor. I was using it to apply an attractive body adornment to the lower half of my body. So sorry."

"And what would that lower body adornment be, my dear Yee Yee?" Dr. Porto asked.

"Toe nail polish, Doctor," she replied.

"Wonderful. Let me see." The Doctor looked down and extended his right hand. Yee Yee placed her petite foot in his hand. He held her foot and caressed it in a manner that seemed quite odd to THE FUTURIST! ... but then again anything odd attributed to Dr.Porto was normal in his world.

"Ah ... yes .. and what would this polish be called, my dear?" he asked.

"Rising Sun Red, Doctor," she answered.

The Doctor smiled with half of his tight lipped mouth. "Oh, so so brilliant, my dear," he said as he released his grip. "Thank you for replacing my stool .. your use of it is totally understandable."

Dr. Porto then resumed his therapeutic role and asked THE FUTURIST! several questions. He then walked to the stool, sat his finely tailor trousered posterior upon it and said, "Perhaps this song will assist you in your current state of mind."

He sat down and began to play this:

Listen:


ANY MAJOR DUDE WILL TELL YOU
performed by Steely Dan

Ghost World

The talented scientists at Seussonoras Labs in

Ypsilanti, Michigan are currently at work

attempting to contact the Spirit World.

Why?

Because it is time for The Academy Awards

and that means THE FUTURIST! wishes to reconnect with

The Ghost of James Whale, deceased famous film director

of Hollywood past who gave us FRANKENSTEIN,

BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN, THE INVISIBLE and more.

Last year the spectral portals were opened by a seer

and medium in Utter Despair by the name of Walter Bascom.

However, Walter is now, himself, among the spirits.

He committed suicide by drinking the contents of his

salt water aquarium.

Don't ask why, please.

This time, THE FUTURIST! asked Dr. Steven Seussonoras

to assist him in making contact with The Ghost of Mr. Whale

using the advanced means of his science laboratory.

His crack staff is using the most science fictitious

apparatus to penetrate the world BEYOND!

Just a few minutes ago, Dr, Seussonoras' aide-de-camp,

The Eliminator of Bull Shit, called Utter Despair to

give news of the progress.

It seems that The Ghost of James Whale has been reached ...

but he is enjoying a pre-Oscar 2 day pool side

party at the home of The Ghost of George Cukor.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that he will

agree to be spirit expressed to Utter Despair

to assist in Oscar predictions to

be posted on Sunday afternoon.

The Mind is a Terrible Thing at Rest

This morning after viewing the dream recorded disc from The Seussonoras Cerebral Slumber Sensor (developed by Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan - patent pending), THE FUTURIST! decided that he would never watch parts of FANTASTIC MR. FOX, have an Italian pasta dinner and drink vodka.

* shudder *

See You Next Wednesday!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HELEN? (1971)
dir: Curtis Harrington

Grandma, Apple Pie and a High Caliber Machine Gun, that's America!

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service

It sounds like Willie Pollard introduces the accordion
player as being from BORING, OREGON. Sounds like a town
that should be near Utter Despair.

This song is called Then I Met The Master.
It's a non-lyrical musical salute to
the villainous Time Lord THE MASTER from DOCTOR WHO.

As a side note, whenever THE FUTURIST! hears an accordion playing
he feels a compulsion to have a large tankard of beer.

Saturday Music that Makes Movie Endings Happier

THE FUTURIST! received a wonderful bit of news this week. One of his, most likely, top 20 favorite films is going to be released by the Criterion Collection as part of their impeccable DVD library. THE FUTURIST! already owns a copy of this film, but a Criterion print of this film will be purchased and placed in the other copy's place as soon as it is "strict on sale" possible.

THE FUTURIST! owns an LP and a CD of the film soundtrack. The film features music by David Byrne singing Loco De Amor as the opening credits appear. We, also, hear The Fine Young Cannibals, Jimmy Cliff, New Order, Steve Jones, Oingo Boingo, UB40 and Sonny Okossun. The movie is a strange mix of screwball comedy, dark dark menacing humor and a film noir thriller. And it feels like such liberating ecstasy every minute it unfolds before your eyes.

THE FUTURIST! loves movies that end with music ... usually a moment that flows right into the closing credits. This happens rarely. For some reason it makes THE FUTURIST! feel all tingly inside. Maybe it is the magic of the movie moment of musicality that never occurs in real life. Oh, who knows ... it just makes THE FUTURIST! happy.

It happened in two Jonathan Demme directed films of the 1980s. At the end of MARRIED TO THE MOB Michele Pfeiffer and Matthew Modine playfully romp about at night along the streets of New York on their first date after the credits roll. In SOMETHING WILD you shall see the what happens in the musical clip below. Don't fret. It shan't spoil the ending of the film. Just enjoy and watch the credits roll. You shall see some interesting names who appear in the film in small roles.

THE FUTURIST! wishes Jonathan Demme would direct another of these free spirited comedy films again. So much fun, so crazy, such eclectic music and such colorful cartoon costuming.

Listen:


WILD THING
performed by Sister Carol
from the film SOMETHING WILD (1986)

Drunk Baby

This is why THE FUTURIST! will not drink with a baby.
They make such a sad spectacle of themselves.


A salute (in a non-Fascist manner) to Lisa Lenner
for bringing this video to THE FUTURIST!'s attention.

See You Next Wednesday!

THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)
dir: John Huston

At the Movies in the Movies

Happy Valentine's Day

Tonight THE FUTURIST! will sing this to himself in his dressing mirror:

Saturday Music that is Drunk on Love

This should speak for itself.

Nothing more to write.

Happy Valentine's Day from THE FUTURIST!

Listen:


LOVE IS LIKE A BOTTLE OF GIN
by The Magnetic Fields

Burt and Orson

Here is a strange entertainment curio. While contemplating another Top 5 List to honor Burt Reynolds, whose birthdays is today (Mr. Reynolds has turned 75 yrs old), THE FUTURIST! found this video sample of a pilot for a talk show starring Orson Welles. This pilot has never been broadcast.

It seems Orson filmed a test pilot between 1978 and 1979 with Burt, Angie Dickinson, Jim Henson, Frank Oz and several Muppets. This clip spotlights a section of the Burt interview. THE FUTURIST! uses the word interview lightly, because it seems that Orson doesn't really interview. He has the studio audience ask questions of his guest AND HIMSELF. There is an odd moment when an audience member asks Burt a question about the difference between a star and a superstar. Burt replies, "Only a black man would ask that question." The audience erupts into laughter, Burt laughs (a bit nervously and falsely) and dear old Orson bellows with forced gaiety accompanied by a very very scary face and yells, "That's SO UNFAIR!"

THE FUTURIST! does not understand this at all. But he knows he wants to see the rest of this talk show.

Read more here (click!)

How To Be a Clever Film Critic

See You Next Wednesday!

THE ODD COUPLE (1968)
dir: Gene Saks

THE FUTURIST!'s TOP 5 Jack Lemmon Movies X 2

Today is the anniversary of actor Jack Lemmon's birth in 1925.
THE FUTURIST! will commemorate this day with his favorite Lemmon performances in motion pictures. This is a daunting task. Mr. Lemmon is one of THE FUTURIST!'s favorite actors. He was a man who could equally take on comedic and dramatic roles ... or blend those two halves of the thespian's mask into one character. If you take a good hard look at his Felix Ungar in THE ODD COUPLE, you see a very sad man that is presented to us by Neil Simon's words to represent a very funny comical character. THE FUTURIST! thinks that Lemmon transcends the playwright/screenwriter's intentions and gives us so much more depth by his acting.

Because of the many roles that THE FUTURIST! enjoys because of Lemmon's expert stepping of his actorly toe in the pool of smile and sadness, he has devised two Top 5 Lists. THE FUTURIST! is allowed to cheat ... it is his world created here in Utter Despair, NJ.

THE FUTURIST!'S TOP 5 FAVORITE COMEDIC JACK LEMMON ROLES
(in alphabetical order)

1. THE APARTMENT
2. AVANTI!
3. THE GREAT RACE
4. THE ODD COUPLE
5. SOME LIKE IT HOT

THE FUTURIST!'s TOP 5 FAVORITE DRAMATIC JACK LEMMON ROLES

1. AIRPORT '77
2. THE CHINA SYNDROME
3. THE DAYS OF WINE AND ROSES
4. MISSING
5. SAVE THE TIGER

25 Years Ago Today ...

... Woody Allen's HANNAH AND HER SISTERS was released on February 7, 1986.



Ther are many wonderful moments, but this might be THE FUTURIST!'s favorite.

A tip of the hat (which THE FUTURIST! never wears) to Mr. Peel

Saturday Music in Memory of John Barry

Sad news reached THE FUTURIST! this week.
John Barry, the great composer of 11 James Bond films and countless other motion pictures, such as MIDNIGHT COWBOY, THE LION IN WINTER, PETULIA, BODY HEAT, OUT OF AFRICA, DANCES WITH WOLVES, THE IPCRESS FILE, THE QUILLER MEMORANDUM, BORN FREE, SOMEWHERE IN TIME and many others, passed away at age 77.

Last week, THE FUTURIST! posted a Saturday Music entry expressing his love of the James Bond series and most of that heart throbbing sentiment can be attributed to beautiful scores that John Barry composed for the Bond pictures.
They are simply unforgettable in THE FUTURIST!'s life at the picture show.

THE FUTURIST! offers this slide show of movie posters signifying many of the films John Barry composed scores for in his career. Enhancing this viewing pleasure is the theme to the film THE WRONG BOX. It is a THE FUTURIST! favorite ... a dark comedy of British origin starring Michael Caine, Sarah Miles, John Mills, the brilliant Peter Cook and Dudley Moore and a small part by Peter Sellers. It is a beautiful little piece of music ... like a tune from a music box.

Listen:


Theme from THE WRONG BOX (1966)
composed by John Barry

Less Than 10 Minute Matinee # 10

Welcome back to THE FUTURIST!'s theater of shortened pleasures.
The projectionist is back from his 15 minute coffee break
and all set to give you less than 10 minutes of viewing excitement.
First up is the trailer featuring dubbed actors in a dumb looking
science fiction movie that poses the question: Can women and men
have their flesh fused to form a race called BI-SAPIENS?
Down at the Utter Despair transgender nightclub the answer is YES!
Please enjoy this colorful attempt at futuristic suspense and sexual confusion.
This trailer is incredible. It actually shows the entire end of the movie.
It involves a deluge of water that resembles Hawaiian Punch.
Here is 2 mins and 47 seconds of WILD WILD PLANET!




And now ...
Please pay heed to the announcer and take his advice ...
the best most healthy and tasty dinners our at our theater!




The feature is about to begin.
Please take your seats and get ready
for the sordid horrifying tale of a college science teacher
who goes a little too far in his search for knowledge
and co-eds in tight sweaters after he is transformed
into some kind of pre-evolved man ape beast thing.

MONSTER ON CAMPUS!

THE FUTURIST! Asks ...

DID MIKE NICHOLS and ELAINE MAY
EVER APPEAR ON WHAT'S MY LINE?

See You Next Wednesday!

LOOKER (1981)
dir: Michael Crichton