See You Next Wednesday!

FFOLKES (1979)
dir: Andrew V. McLaglen

THE FUTURIST! Provides Silly Blog Filler

TOM WAITS' REJECTED THEME SONG TO IRON MAN 2

Woody Allen on "What's My Line?"

Saturday Music inspired by Matthew Henderson

Again, though forever despondent and pessimistic, THE FUTURIST! finds a glistening watering hole in the desert of a day. Through pure serendipity, THE FUTURIST! encountered a song he never heard and knew nothing of and sung by someone he never knew existed. In fact, the song was "tweeted" by someone THE FUTURIST! never knew existed until recently ... namely Matthew Henderson. Twitter, though scoffed at by THE FUTURIST! some time ago, has turned into a goldmine of encountering people of like minds of great wit and intelligence from near and far, who impart great links to information on film, books, songs and cocktail concoctions (see @swankmartini). In this case, Matthew Henderson of The Chiaroscuro Coalition provided the full refreshing cup to this song that quenched the parched soul of THE FUTURIST!. Matthew's sense of song seems to match THE FUTURIST!'s tastes ... a sadly tinged clearly enunciated voice relating a melancholy melody assisted by strings and drums and guitar ... and ping pong.

THE FUTURIST!'s trousers immediately hit the linoleum at the sound of a song accompanied by beautiful strings. Yeah, well, don't worry he doesn't do it in public.

Adam Green, the singer, seems quite depressed. He needs a haircut and a tailor. He never blinks, which, THE FUTURIST! believes, is a sign of insanity. Wait ... or is it never smiling while laughing like recounted in Poe's FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER? Oh, anywho ... whatever ... Adam Green may have all the aforementioned problems, but he sure can play table tennis with one hand while singing into and holding a microphone in the other.

The song is beautifully depressing, but it made THE FUTURIST! happy.
Matthew Henderson, you are a gem.

Listen:


JESSICA
performed by Adam Green

Film Blogger Meet-Up UPDATE

THE FUTURIST! re-read the invite from Rachel to the Film Blogger Meet-up for INDIEFLIX and noticed this line:

"... it would be an honor to have a representative of THE FUTURIST! in attendance."

THE FUTURIST! has decided to send Glenn Kenny of SOME CAME RUNNING (legendary, bitter, knowledgeable and idolized film blogger extraordinaire) as his representative.

Mr. Kenny will run to the event. And since he is in the NYC environs, it has been estimated he will arrive in 54 minutes and 48 seconds or less. He is in training.

Thank you, Mr. Kenny.

Cordially yours,

THE FUTURIST!

The Film Blogging World is Fascinating

THE FUTURIST! received this email the other day in his exclusive secret THE FUTURIST! Gmail Inbox. Actually, it obviously isn't so secret. Anywho, read the text and enjoy. It is quite to boost to THE FUTURIST!'s often bruised ego. Gentle Reader, this email is REAL. It is not a fabrication.

Hi There,

I just wanted to shoot you a quick email about a local film blogger meetup that's happening on September 26th. The event is for Indieflix, a revolutionary distribution company whose main goal is to empower independent filmmakers. They'll be showing four indie films in Times Square as part of a game we are developing called Film Festival In A Box where you watch 4 short films, deliberate, then vote on your favorite. It will be followed by a blogger afterparty for local NY film blogs and other members of the media. In addition to free drinks and food, the Indieflix CEO Scilla Andreen -- award winning producer and Emmy nominated costume designer -- will be there to talk and meet everyone.

We're inviting you to this event because it would be an honor to have a representative of The Futurist! in attendance. I am aware that you are both a notable critic and just an interesting guy with a wonderfully ironic sense of humor - unfortunately, I am also aware that you live in "Utter Despair", which is somewhere in NJ. If you are able to make it to New York to attend this party, your efforts will be especially appreciated. This after party will be a great event to meet some influential people in the film industry from NYC and elsewhere. Your feedback really matters to us and I look forward to speaking with you in the future. Shoot me an email if you are interested and I will make sure you are on the list for the after party (details below).


Thanks!

Rachel

for more info on IndieFlix: http://indieflix.com/pages/filmmaker
and to find me personally on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=10717954

The after party will be at the W Hotel's bar, right next to Times Square (address below) from 6:30 to 8pm. Please RSVP if you plan on attending -- you are free to bring as many people with you as you like.

The W Hotel
1567 Broadway at 47th St, New York City, NY 10036

THE FUTURIST! asked his friend Fleming Clamdish if he would like to attend. He could not due to his having to attend a speed dating function at a large bookstore in Paramus N.J. THE FUTURIST! then asked haiku, his former aide de camp. Unfortunately haiku replied in the negative. He was invited by email to another function by a representative of a Thai Sculpture exhibition who believed he was a famous half-Asian Art critic with a droll sense of humor and a noted lack of any other human emotion.

Laurel and Hardy Sum Up THE FUTURIST!'s Day

See You Next Wednesday!

SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON (1966)
dir: Giorgio Ferroni

Saturday Music that Starts the Tingle at 23 Seconds

Twin Sister is a band that THE FUTURIST! came upon by accident ... pure happenstance. There is a lot of misery in this world, but sometimes a little flare of sunshine blinds you for a moment. At about 23 seconds into the tune is the moment the tingle of euphoria vibrates through THE FUTURIST!'s thin frame.

The sound of Twin Sister (particularly this song) is the kind of music THE FUTURIST! would put on as he imbibed a cocktail ... slowly ... and spread himself along his divan as he stared up at the ceiling allowing the music to drift his relaxing body (and mind) down the river of forgetfulness. (You'll hear the river at the song's finale).

Then again, it could, also, be just the type of music he'd listen to while collapsed on the floor after a stressful day, totally intoxicated, with a contorted smile on his kisser due to the pressure of the carpeting against the right side of his face.

Listen:


LADY DAYDREAM

performed by Twin Sister

THE FUTURIST!'s Top 5 Guys He'd Go Gay For

DURING a Twitter "give and take" of comical context, THE FUTURIST! was in a 3-way (let him finish the sentence) 140 character "conversation" with Jeremy Mathews (Buster Keaton Enthusiast) of Salt Lake City, Utah and author of The Same Dame, a blog about film. The other person in this communication was David Quin, THE FUTURIST!'s favorite idle Scotsman. The discussion, of sorts, was started by Quin stating he'd "go gay for" Orson Welles. Of course, if THE FUTURIST! had been drinking a liquid at the time of reading that sentence, he would have performed a spit take of epic vaudevillian splendor. It was soon clarified that David Quin would have "gone gay" for the corpulent bearded Whales, uh Welles, ... not just the younger more svelte and polished Orson of 1941. He said that the sexual alarm bells would start ringing as soon as Welles said he had directed CITIZEN KANE ... no matter his girth. After hearing that, THE FUTURIST! immediately did pour a drink, sip it and then DID do a spit take of Cecil B. DeMille Red Sea parting proportions. Quin pointed out other men he said he'd go gay for including Robert Downey Jr., David Hemmings and the current Doctor Who Matt Smith. Quin asserted, however, he was all heterosexual, but was confident enough with his seemingly straight sense of self *cough cough* to make these fantasy assertions.

This all led to THE FUTURIST! writing that it would be humorous if he and Jeremy Mathews made a list of men they would "go gay" for and create dual blog posts exposing these names of the men. The names were qualified as those in Film, Authors, Artists, etc. So, as part of THE FUTURIST!'s occasional TOP 5 LISTS, which appear here as observations from Utter Despair, THE FUTURIST! presents his list.

THE FUTURIST! and Jeremy discussed whether the men should be of the past or present ... it was never quite determined, so THE FUTURIST! is creating a list that will specify when he would or would have gone gay for the person.

To relax you, dear reader, as you peruse,
let THE FUTURIST! provide some mood music.
This is very psychologically revealing for THE FUTURIST!

THE FUTURIST!'s TOP 5 GUYS HE'D GO GAY FOR

(in alphabetical order)

1. JAMES BADGE DALE

He can be seen currently on the

AMC Television show RUBICON

THE FUTURIST! has been told Mr. Dale was on the

HBO series THE PACIFIC and on 24, but on

that program he sported a shaved pate.

THE FUTURIST! prefers the curly wavy grayish

riding atop his furrowed brow as pictured above.

2. HUGH DANCY

THE FUTURIST! could write more about

what a good actor Mr Dancy is or how he can produce

impeccable American accents or how he looks in Autumnal

sweaters or corduroy or a suit and tie,

but from the picture above, it appears that Mr. Dancy is facially

expressing how perturbed he feels appearing on this list.

THE FUTURIST! will cease and move on ...

3. F. SCOTT FITZGERALD

What more can THE FUTURIST! write?

Who wouldn't want to have cocktails with a sauced up

Fitzgerald and make sexual filthy illusions

about his Great Gatsby?

Oh, he was Beautiful and THE FUTURIST! is Damned.

4. JEAN PIERRE LEAUD

Truffaut's movie creation of Antoine Doinel

was perfectly cast with this somewhat look-alike

of the director himself.

THE FUTURIST! couldn't decide on which to select.

The Director or The Actor?

Wait ...

THE FUTURIST! can't speak French, but

he can say...

Menage a trois?

5. TERENCE STAMP

THE FUTURIST! would definitely Go Gay

for the 60s era Stamp.

Look at him above in that shot from MODESTY BLAISE.

Very handsome and he can be oh so innocent and then devilish.

THE FUTURIST! is not interested in the General Zod Stamp

of SUPERMAN II ... especially when

he was in that black S&M Krypton outfit

and demanded people to kneel before him.

THE FUTURIST! would kneel for him, but

only circa 1965 or so.

AND NOW THE WILD CARD GUY THE FUTURIST!

WOULD GO GAY FOR ...

JAMES McAVOY

Yes, he would be the Wild Card.

Why?

Because he can look quite strange at times ...

like a bug eyed creature with a sickly countenance.

But, THE FUTURIST! would definitely

consider him .... ONLY he if wears a tuxedo.

In this case, the clothes do make the man.

At least, for THE FUTURIST!

You may find Jeremy Mathews' List

HERE

And now, before you go ...
please watch this word from today's blog post sponsor:

The Future Hits of 1977

See You Next Wednesday!

TEENAGE MOTHER (1967)
dir: Jerry Gross (quite an appropriate name)

THE FUTURIST! Asks ...

... is there a Bob Hope line that could become

THE FUTURIST!'s new motto or catch phrase?

"Hoping I'll die is the one thing that keeps me alive!"

- Bob Hope

from the rather unfunny

Warner Bros. Vitaphone Short

WATCH THE BIRDIE (1935)

BEER-BOT

THE FUTURIST! is contacting Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan immediately and demanding to know why the good Doctor Steven Seussonoras and his aide de camp, The Eliminator of Bullshit, have not developed an alcohol fetching robotic device that, obviously, these geeks at Willow Garage have perfected. Perhaps, THE FUTURIST! should not state "perfected". He is sure that Dr, Seussonoras could devise an electronic Man-Bot that could select the correct red or white wine for the correct meal, cork it and pour it in the correctly selected stemmed glassware. IF so, THE FUTURIST! wants one sent to his abode in Utter Despair ... free of charge, of course. THE FUTURIST! has purchased, tested and given Seussonoras Labs enough free advertising for their products. The least they could do is send him Wine-droid.

Saturday Music Sequence from a Motion Picture that Lifts You

THE FUTURIST! has always had a fondness for movie musicals. HE never really cared for those big brash color MGM spectaculars ... no, he loves those old Fred Astaire RKO films with their funny farcical plots and glistening black and white set direction. The moment the talking stopped and Fred and Ginger Rogers danced and sang to replace the "words" they wanted to say or emotions that needed to be expressed ... that's when the magic began. And even after they stopped and found themselves settled back at the restaurant table or park bench they had started from before the musical magic took over, THE FUTURIST! still felt the effects of that fantasy and feeling.

In 1996 Woody Allen attempted to make a movie musical of sorts ... it was to be his usual mix of various characters, their romantic entanglements and regrets and hope. He purposely cast actors who were not known for singing and then let them sing. They did what Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers did, but in the way the public imagined they themselves would do it if they could ... not as classy, not as melodic, but still with the feeling one feels when watching those old musicals. They feel special and romantic and as if those feelings, whether happy or sad, can enable them to dance on air.

THE FUTURIST! loved this experiment by his favorite movie maker. Oh, it wasn't perfect, not at all, but it achieved what THE FUTURIST! thinks Allen wanted to achieve ... maybe with a few false steps along the way. He recalls that when he saw another film at his local megaplex at the time, he sneaked back to the auditorium that was showing this film. He walked into the darkness and took a seat at the back and found he had crept in at one of the moments he loved the most ... the romantic dance along the Seine between Woody and Goldie Hawn. It's a bit much to call it a "dance", but this sequence expresses most of what THE FUTURIST! feels those musicals stirred in him as a young lad ... the magic mixture of song and dance and film. Goldie literally floats above and around Woody in a surreal moment only the movies can provide. Her lighter than air dance expresses her feelings about love and and her character's regret. It lifted THE FUTURIST!, too. Most movies don't extend their hand to you and take you away on a cloud like they once did ... and when they are over, you find yourself back where you started ... but left with the ghost of a smile.

Listen and watch:


I'M THRU WITH LOVE
written by Gus Kahn, Matt Malneck and Fud Livingston
performed by Goldie Hawn
from the film EVERYONE SAYS I LOVE YOU (1996)

VIRGO Birthday Salute

THE FUTURIST! feels that this may be Harvey's worst Horoscope
song. How many times does he say VIRGO? And his usual interpretive
dancer has been replaced by a younger girl. THE FUTURIST! suspected
there was some "love" chemistry being Bunsen burned between Harvey
and that other woman. Could there have been a professional rift
after a torrid affair between the astrological melodic performances?

Is THE FUTURIST! thinking about this too much?

Yes.

People Once Thought This Was Funny

A long time ago America loved a sitcom entitled WELCOME BACK KOTTER. This sitcom about a New York City school teacher introduced America to the wonderful acting of John Travolta. The star of this extremely unfunny situation comedy was Gabe Kaplan. Mr. Kaplan was a stand up comedian who some TV executive decided would be perfect to inflict on the public with his sense of humor. THE FUTURIST! believes the show was based on Mr. Kaplan's actual experiences in the New York school system, before he became a King of Comedy and guest on every talk show at the time. It was directed in this loudly voiced, "wait for the laugh', manic manner on videotape much like today's Disney Channel fare. Below is a comedy recording of a song he wrote based on a catch phrase of the sitcom ... "Up Your Nose with a Rubber Hose." It was a derogatory comment which was intoned by the tough student played by Mr. Travolta. This show ran for 4 years.

Did people find this funny? Did this record sell?

Oh, dear Pagan God, THE FUTURIST! feels so depressed when he hears this "comedy".

SWEATER WEATHER!

Ah, yes ... today was wonderfully cool ... a breeze with the slight nip of Autumn. One could feel that delightful tremor in the skin of the coming coolness ... the thought ... the vision of wearing a nice warm sweater .. a pullover with sleeves ... a sweater vest or an argyle .. maybe a fatherly button down cardigan. Oh, ... yes ... no matter the fashion it felt like sweater weather today. That means it's time to open the drawer and gaze open those sweaters ... and play some Autumnal Bacharach.

September, you big wonderful tease!

See You Next Wednesday!

SLEUTH (1972)
dir: Joseph L. Mankiewicz

Happy Labor Day

MODERN TIMES (1936)

dir: Charles Chaplin

Utter Despair Community Theater's Summer Season Comes to an End

The Summer is waning down. This means an end to the wonderful menu of delights that The Utter Despair Community Theater served to a hungry populace starving for the arts this past July and August.

There were several highlights including a production of Neil Simon's THE ODD COUPLE performed by the Gillespie Twins Edward and Larry. It was a surreal version due to the fact that you could not tell which was Felix and which was Oscar ... except for which one was wearing an apron and carrying a feather duster AND which one was wearing a ball cap and wearing a dirty sweatshirt. They would change roles each night, but who could tell? It was weird, but somehow seemed to bear a strange existential quality about the duo components of one's personality. THE FUTURIST! loved it.

And there was a production geared for children based on the little French school girl Madeline series of picture books by Ludwig Bemelmens. It was an adaptation loosely played with entitled MADELINE AND THE INVASION OF PARIS 1940.



The Community Theater Director Peter Wilkie is very avant garde and loves to challenge the audience. Wilkie's production of 12 ANGRY MEN cast with 12 mannequins, who spoke through off stage voices, was stultifying ... as was his OF MICE AND MEN wherein he substituted a drugged circus bear in the role of Lenny. This production proved to be terrifying to THE FUTURIST! who has a fear of bears ... and it was, also, stopped on opening night when the bear urinated on the audience in the first row seats.

Wilkie's most talked about production was some French spoken psycho drama that played only one night. It starred a cast of four and the Douglas Sirk film ALL THAT HEAVEN ALLOWS was projected over the actors.



The trouser removal stirred the audience and was the highlight of the night.

And finally, there was the rendition of Mozart arias by 14 yr old Robin Schlotz. Robin received a lot of applause and kudos for his vocal technique. THE FUTURIST! must nod to Robin's talent for tonal gusto, but is not as enamored as everyone else since he lives two doors down from THE FUTURIST!'s abode AND his nightly rehearsals erected a roadblock to nocturnal rest for THE FUTURIST!.



Here's hoping the Autumnal offerings are as fascinating.

Saturday Music for the Traditional End of Summer

Beautiful weather is here this weekend in Utter Despair, N.J. It's Labor Day weekend and every year we think of this weekend as the END of the Summer season. It isn't actually ... the Summer ends around the 21st or 22nd or so of September. Most likely because school starts again for many and the weather starts to change very slowly, people think of it as the end of good times in the sun, a return to work and encroaching cooler weather.

Places visited and new people met in the Summer become the past ... to return as memories. Some people develop relationships that impact their lives to such a degree that it changes them forever ... in their thoughts, maturity and the way they interpret Life. THE FUTURIST! thinks of the film GOODBYE, COLUMBUS based on the novella by Philip Roth when he thinks about the end of Summer. It's about a young man who meets a girl during the Summertime and how their relationship changes his Life. It's about how a Summer love can make us think differently, perhaps act differently, and blind many. The season ends, the relationship ends and so does the blindness of our emotions. We see the falsity, the way things really are and how Life operates ... yet, we can still remember the brightness of the warmth of feeling in our memories.

This is the title tune to the film adaptation of the novella. It is performed by the quintessential 60s "elevator music" group THE ASSOCIATION. It is a pop tune ... very "of its time" and playful ... but it has the feeling of one of those songs you heard long ago in the sun, smiling and in a distant state of mind.

"Leaving the old world behind."

Listen:


GOODBYE, COLUMBUS
performed by The Association
from the film GOODBYE, COLUMBUS (1969)

Silent STAR WARS

THE FUTURIST! tips the hat that he never wears to the wonderful
THE BIOSCOPE for the knowledge of this creative oddity.

Comedy Record Titles

Today, THE FUTURIST! was taking to a friend

named James about what he was having for lunch.

The friend was going to a fast food chain to satisfy his hunger.

James then asked THE FUTURIST! what he was having to eat.

THE FUTURIST! replied that he had prepared a sandwich at home

of leftover chicken with fresh garden tomatoes on a hard roll.

The chicken, THE FUTURIST! explained, was from a supermarket

that sold pre-cooked small roasters that were seasoned with

delicious herbs and spices. THE FUTURIST! said that he loved

these chickens because they were enhanced for

the ultimate in taste sensation.

THE FUTURIST! and James then talked about James'

boss who had returned from Las Vegas on a vacation.

This boss, who James detests, had claimed he was going

to Las Vegas to win oodles of money because he had devised

a perfect way to win at craps. He said he was going to become rich.

THE FUTURIST! said that one could, perhaps, win at 21 or another card

game if one was a "card counter", but craps involves dice

and the only way to win would be with "trick" dice or loaded dice.

The casino provides the dice and even if you did substitute

the dice with your own dice, the gangsters who owned

the casino would kill you.

THE FUTURIST! said, "Two guys named Tony and Lou would

take that idiot for a drive out to the desert at night, beat him up

and then put two bullets in his head and bury him under a cactus."

James liked that idea. But, the boss had arrived back this week

totally unscathed with no evidence of an organized crime beating.

James then saw the boss walk down the stairway nearby.

He said, "I'd love to kick his ass down those stairs."

THE FUTURIST! then said, "Yes. Then put two in his head."

They laughed as people do when they express outrageous

violent fantasies about work superiors.

James then said that he thought that THE FUTURIST!

should record a comedy album.

THE FUTURIST! scoffed at the idea.

James said, "No no, yes, it would be great!

And I know the title of your first album ...

I LIKE AN ENHANCED CHICKEN !"

And James continued,

"Your second album would be called ...

TWO IN THE HEAD !"

This was conversation was the highlight of

THE FUTURIST!'s day today.

It made him happy.

See You Next Wednesday!

INTO THE NIGHT (1985)
dir: John Landis