See You Next Wednesday!

Saturday Music for the Theremin

THE FUTURIST! believes this weird, haunting, ambient, sci-fi-like piece from the marvelous THE OCTOPUS PROJECT would be the perfect opening theme to a film all about THE FUTURIST! and his sad adventures. So, so far we have the theme by The Octopus Project and the opening credits by Young Sun Compton ... we must find out who will do the film set catering.

A gracious thank you to Robot Girl in Michigan for introducing THE FUTURIST! to this musical group and their strange, pleasingly repetitive sounds featuring the electronic Theremin.



I SAW THE BRIGHT SHINIES
performed by The Octopus Project

THE FUTURIST!'s Futura Font Message

Pee-rhana

When visiting the Amazon region, do not urinate in the water, faithful readers. Stay on the ground. Please find and station yourself behind a large bush, tree or native hut to relieve yourself; it will satisfy your modesty and not result in having your urethra invaded by a parasite fish that will consume your flesh and blood while residing in your urinary tract. The cultured BBC narrator will explain in the video below. Please hold onto your groin.

See You Next Wednesday!

Ridley Scott's ALIEN Sums Up THE FUTURIST!'s Day

Holmes vs Watson

THE FUTURIST! is currently enamored with the comedy of That Mitchell and Webb Look. These two British comic actors are quite clever and perform very literate intelligent humor in a mostly dark manner. One can only hope that, soon, we can savor it on DVD in this country. This sketch involves the jealous rivalry between two British actors portraying Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Saturday Music for Guilty Pleasures

THE FUTURIST! admits it ... he likes this silly, peppy ditty sung by the effervescent Olivia Newton John and the always synthesizer inspired ELO. It's good to hear when you want to stick a fork in your eye ... it makes you reach for a spoon, instead. Somewhat like ABBA's Dancing Queen, it stirs some life in the lump you call your heart. THE FUTURIST! likes when Olivia first comes strutting out, she is followed by dancers in sweaters and ties. Fantastic ... except for the zoot suit weirdos in pimp hats, Xanadu looks great.

Yeah ... go ahead and call THE FUTURIST! a big homo; he's heard it before many times.

Listen:




XANADU
(from the film Xanadu - 1980 )
performed by Olivia Newton-John
and the Electric Light Orchestra

John Lichman's Voice Calms THE FUTURIST!

John Lichman (online producer for The Rotten Tomatoes Movie Show on Current TV) explains how to join the online movie groups for Current/Rotten Tomatoes. This video is done with subtle comic ineptitude, but THE FUTURIST! doesn't care ... Lichman's voice reminds THE FUTURIST! of Linus in the PEANUTS TV shows; one can imagine this voice trying to reason with a psychotic Lucy over his stolen blanket or explaining Jesus' birth to Charlie Brown. It's a calming voice ... it made THE FUTURIST! (after he played it 17 times) take the plastic dry cleaning bag from his head.

Also, after actually seeing John Lichman, THE FUTURIST! feels Lichman
has a silent comic Harry Langdon aura about him...

HARRY LANGDON

See You Next Wednesday!

The Hollywounded of N.J.

In these rough economic times, the town of Utter Despair, N.J. is getting a monetary boost by being the new film capital of Work Safety Shorts. When most Hollywood productions go to Canada to film TV and movies, the Canadians come to Utter Despair, New Jersey to be inspired with ... uh ... well ... despair. Here is a recent completed production:

Guest Conductor

Besides getting food poisoning, drinking too much port wine, retching quite loudly in a friend's toilet and narrowly escaping possible imprisonment while sweating through a massive DWI police trap at 3 am, this weekend THE FUTURIST!, also, had the honor of being asked to guest conduct at the Utter Despair Summer Concert. This year's theme was an evening of songs from Hollywood motion pictures. The event featured many talented citizens performing wonderful numbers ... including Owen Getchell who did the title tune from Singin' in the Rain while his wife held a garden hose over his head as she stood atop a 12 foot ladder; there was a slight moment of unease when she forgot to turn the nozzle to a fine spray mist.

When The Utter Despair Bisexual Men's Chorus took the stage to sing Bless the Beasts and the Children (from the film of the same name) it was THE FUTURIST!'s great honor to climb down into the orchestra pit to guest conduct the number. Please enjoy this recorded segment. You can see THE FUTURIST! in the right hand lower corner as he savors his moment in the sun. He didn't know what the Hell he was doing, to be honest, but he waved his baton with gusto, vim and vigor.

Saturday Music from the Chocolate Factory

The media attention on the death of Michael Jackson caused THE FUTURIST! to think of the Tim Burton version of Roald Dahl's classic children's book ... but solely for the interpretation of Willy Wonka by Johnny Depp; it is very Michael Jacksonish. The movie was maligned by many and THE FUTURIST!, himself, thought why remake a flawed but fun iconic motion picture with a memorable performance by the wonderful Gene Wilder? The Burton movie is certainly a different interpretation and, maybe, more uniform to the author's original intentions and view. Whatever the reasons or whether you like it or not, THE FUTURIST! did not find it that bad ... and he especially loved the score by Danny Elfman. The removal of each nasty little Wonka Factory visitor is accompanied by a song sung by the Oompa Loompahs. The original film had a redundant melody recited by the miniature strange Wonka workers. In the new version, Elfman composes a different song each time and each song is stylized in the sound of a different music genre. THE FUTURIST! loves the Veruca Salt song. It is done in the manner of a late 60s early 70s pop tune with the hint of Indian sitar to add that Sgt. Pepper/Beatles drug period ambience along with a Harper's Bizarre feel...
THE FUTURIST! admits to watching this for the first time on DVD and playing back this musical section several times and smiling as the catchy sounds emanated from his Sony 5.1 surround system. It's a very jaunty, black humored piece of musical writing.

Listen:



VERUCA SALT
(from the film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - 2005)
composed by Danny Elfman

After the 4th - Part 3

On July 4th 2006, the Strangelove Sparkler was set off at The Lindenhoffer's holiday bar-b-que. The spectacular sight could be seen for miles ... in fact, as far away as Klippendorf, Germany. NJ went into a Def-Con 2 warning stage and it took a month for THE FUTURIST!'s eyebrows to fully grow back.

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THE EL DIABLO ... endorsed by Iraqi Insurgents and sold to anyone with cash by Arnie Spool. Arnie says, "If the Mexican Army had a box of these babies they would have taken over the Alamo and Davey Crockett would never have won." Arnie teaches American History at Montclair State University.

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During his pre-pubescent modeling days, haiku was proud to add to his resume his appearance on this Pyrotechnical product. The GASP OF ALL THAT IS EVIL is a firework that creates a beautiful spiraling pinwheel of primary colors and depicts the signing of The Declaration of Independence and every American Revolution battle in its entirety ... however, you must wear protective headgear since it sucks all life giving oxygen from the atmosphere for 20 minutes.

After the 4th - Part 2

THE FUTURIST! would like to make a shout out to Silver Fish Lupez and his partner Juan Estaban "The Blue Gila Monster" Santiango who manage EL GRANDE BOOM FIREWORKS out of the back of a large truck constantly moving around Passaic County, N.J.

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DO NOT LIGHT A STRING OF CHINESE DRAGON TAILS IN A COMPACT CAR WITH WINDOWS SHUT WHILE TRANSPORTING HOME YOUR RE-FILLED PROPANE TANK FOR AN OUTDOOR GAS GRILL! ... are you listening, Fleming Clamdish?

See You Next Wednesday!

After the 4th - Part 1

The Amazing Frollo performed his annual 4th of July Inferno Leap into an above the ground pool. It was part of his holiday EXPLOSIVE SHOW near Lake Taciturn NJ. Actually, he DID NOT make the leap successfully into the pool ... there was a miscalculation in the adjustment of the catapult which threw him through the air like a human medieval projectile ....



... and he landed into the carnival restroom facilities. Luckily, due to a plumbing problem, the Men's and Ladies restrooms were closed for repairs which had resulted in many holiday revelers relieving themselves in the nearby woods and in the clown tent. The Amazing Frollo survived, but was not happy; his head had to be extracted from a porcelain imprisonment.

IN OTHER NEWS ...


Dan Werner lost a tip of his index finger after igniting a Cherry Bomb at the neighborhood block party. Miss Angela Deppler, 24 yr old 2nd grade teacher and 1st class vixen, accidentally swallowed the finger tip after it landed in her Dr. Pepper. Resident Senior Citizen Vernon Clawson provided The Heimlich Maneuver to stop Miss Deppler from choking. Vernon was successful in aiding her, but had to be given CPR after he became too excited over holding the voluptuous teacher's lithe form and applying life saving pressure under her breastbone.

Saturday Music with Fred and Firecrackers

Here's a bit of fancy footwork for the 4th with firecrackers courtesy of Mr. Fred Astaire. No more needs to be explained ... just watch and listen!

Happy Fourth of July!



LET'S SAY IT WITH FIRECRACKERS
(from the film HOLIDAY INN (1942)
performed by Fred Astaire

Before the 4th

The always joyful and happy to assist Sabrina Delacourt works the counter at SATAN'S ASHTRAY: YOUR FRIENDLY FIREWORKS EMPORIUM; located over the border in nearby Pennsylvania. She loves to see haiku and his pals, from the band Marcel Proust's Mustache, when they come by every late June for Roman Candles and other explosives. They bring her candy and she gives them a nice discount.

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This year, Fleming Clamdish has acquired THE BUMBLEBEE 4000 ...a top of the line explosive for the holiday festivities. haiku is currently digging a trench for this baby! A call has been put into Newark and Teterboro Airports to halt all flights over Utter Despair after dusk on the 4th. Yowza!!

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And here's to the boys in the UTTER DESPAIR VOLUNTEER FIRE COMPANY No. 3. Tomorrow is one of their busiest days. Chief Grinder and his staff are always on the spot to extinguish all blazes whose origins stem from stray fireworks and such. They are equipped with the best in firefighting tools and fantastic cheap booze.

Happy 4th from THE FUTURIST! !!

Woody Sums Up THE FUTURIST!'s Day

See You Next Wednesday!