Werner Herzog Remakes

Recently, THE FUTURIST! was involved in a whirlwind of craziness on the social networking site TWITTER. John Lichman, online producer of the Current TV Rotten Tomatoes Show, posted the new trailer to the remake of Bad Lieutenant by Werner Herzog. The trailer is incredibly mind boggling in its acting, dialogue and potential storyline. This prompted Lichman to begin an inspired, yet insane, mission to start creating ideas for Werner Herzog remakes and posting them in the required 140 characters or less on TWITTER. If you are able to create enough posts using a certain topic, it can become a Top 10 trending topic, which is then posted on the right of the screen for all "Tweeters" to see. Most trending topics are references to the Jonas Brothers, Jimmy Fallon, American Idol, OMGILOVEGOSSIPGIRL and Swine Flu. Getting wernerherzogremakes to the point of being a trending topic seemed so insane, so funny, so anti-Twitter ... therefore it had to be done. THE FUTURIST! participated and below are some of his contributions. A knowledge of Mr. Herzog (director of Grizzly Man, Fitzcarraldo, Encounters at the End of the World and more), his films and themes and his frequent use of actor Klaus Kinski helps you understand the satire ... otherwise you may be lost. Of course, as most quests for happiness conclude, wernerherzogremakes never became a trending topic and the mission was a failure.

As an added bonus, THE FUTURIST! includes (at bottom) a video of Herzog being shot by a sniper during an interview.

WERNER HERZOG REMAKES

THE GOLD RUSH: Herzog eats shoe in snowbound cabin. Errol Morris interviews him & envisions Herzog as giant chicken.

HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE Nastassja Kinski as Pop Singer Schizophrenic. Has sex with father Klaus Kinski & square dances.

GRIZZLY MANHATTAN: Neurotic NYer beset by shallow friends, ex-wife, criticized for affair with bear. Bear kills everyone.

MONKEYS ON A PLANE: Herzog unleashes 100 squirrel monkeys on jet liner after takeoff. Films resulting melee & narrates.

DER FLEIDERMAUS RETURNS: Depressed super hero battles suicidal insane Penguin. Both walk off into snowy void of doom.

MY DINNER WITH KLAUS: Herzog films dining in restaurant with Kinski. Talk of life, philosophy, God, suicide, murder.

DER SIEBEN SAMURAI: 7 Asian dwarves ride into small western town, throw excrement, curse and spit.

THE MUZAK MAN: Con Man Kinski comes to Midwest American town selling music lessons. He sings, dances & rapes librarian.

THE TAKING OF PELHAM EINS, ZWEI, DREI: Herzog films actual hijacking of NYC subway car just for fun ... no ransom.

MR. FRAU: Kinski tries to handle family stay at home chores while wife Teri Garr works. Their children flee screaming.

THE OSCAR: Herzog strangles Philippe Petit with trapeze wire after losing Oscar for Best Doc. Elke Sommer cameos

KINSKI VS KINSKI: Klaus Kinski sues himself for custody of his sanity. Sanity played by dwarf resembling Justin Henry

GREY GARDENS: Doc. of Herzog & Kinski in house dresses & sun bonnets living in Long Island house. Murder attempts ensue.

LITTLE DIETER NEEDS TO FLY DOWN TO RIO: Soldier imprisoned by Viet Cong attempts to stage musical number on plane wings

JAWSZECK: Insane German actor terrorizes New England beach community by biting vacationers.

STROSHREK: Ogre travels to America with talking donkey, moves into trailer home, works as mechanic & gets disillusioned

MR. KINSKI BUILDS HIS DREAM HOUSE: German business executive tries to erect suburban cape cod in Amazon jungle.

NOSFERATOOTSIE: Vampire dresses in drag for role on German soap opera.

AGUIRRE THE WRATH OF OH, GOD! Spanish conquistador travels down Amazon on raft with George Burns and 65 squirrel monkeys.

THE ENIGMA OF DOOGIE HAUSER, M.D. Adolescent doctor arrives in city hospital, cannot speak, stand erect or bill medicare.

GRIZZLY MAN FOR ALL SEASONS: Sir Thomas Moore loses head after getting too close, then not agreeing with King of Bears.

See You Next Wednesday!

Saturday Music for Hijacking a NYC Subway Car

Very soon another remake will hit the cinema screens. This time it will be a retread of Joseph Sargent's THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE from 1974. In THE FUTURIST!"s opinion, this thriller (along with Midnight Cowboy and Dog Day Afternoon) is one of the best "New York movies" he has ever seen. Every scene is realistic and gritty. The filmmakers make the New York City of 1974 come to life; the cars, the clothes, the buildings, the litter and even the smells of the streets and subway seem to waft from the screen. The film's well written and intense script, adapted from John Godey's novel, is a spellbinding, edge of your seat roller coaster ride about the hijacking of a subway car by a band of criminals seeking ransom. It is delivered to you with perfection from a cast of great actors. The remake gives us Denzel Washington and John Travolta, but the original gave us Walter Matthau, Robert Shaw, Martin Balsam and Jerry Stiller. Each of those actors don't look like movie stars ... their faces radiate everyday wear and tear and each seems to live their part as actual denizens of the Big Apple. Oh, and that perfect ending of cinema perfection! THE FUTURIST! always cites this film as having a brilliantly constructed and accomplished conclusion; an ending that does only what the movies can do ... say so much and provide so much satisfaction with sounds and just a facial expression.

Who knows what this remake will be like? The commercials make it appear jaggedly edited and full of rap music. Oh, my.

This Saturday, THE FUTURIST! presents to you the opening credits to the original 1974 film with a wonderful aggressive soundtrack by David Shire. The theme from this film has a tone of menace and danger ... just like 70s New York. You will hear sounds provided by brass that make you feel you are caught in midtown traffic ... bleats and bursts that sound like angry cars ... congestion and stress. A mix of sounds that prepare you for what you are about to see and experience. THE FUTURIST! urges you to see the original film. It can't get any better.

Listen:



MAIN TITLE
from The Taking of Pelham One Two Three
written by David Shire

Han Solo, P.I.

THE FUTURIST! thought this was rather clever.

Letters from Lewis

For the past 3 months, THE FUTURIST! has been receiving beautifully written notes on bone white writing paper. Each note has been penned in black ink, folded exactly and placed in a corresponding perfectly squared envelope of pale gray. When the envelope is opened and the note unfolded to view its message, a slight scent of cinnamon and freshly laundered tweed emanates into the air around the reader, but soon dissipates. The letters appear to be from the author Lewis Carroll. Amazing. They are always addressed to "Penningworth". Here is one that arrived recently:

Dear Penningworth,

Shall I impart what happened to me this past Sunday noon? I was accosted by several prep school boys who interrupted my slumber. I was resting against my favorite oak tree by the river with a copy of Darwin's Origins of the Species on my lap. These brutes hurled invectives, as well as acorns. A medium sized stone with angular edges, of a most dangerous aspect, was thrown and grazed my shoulder. I blurted out a moan which only encouraged their taunting. My suit coat was torn at the seam and I felt a terrible burn from the impact. They soon left. I wept for a bit and returned to my reading of the Darwin text; it only proved the author's point that these brutes were spawned from simians. Oh! The words started to blur before my eyes due to my consternation and shortened breath. I was quite vexed and my constitution was suffering from near faint. I soon retired to my quarters and brewed some Earl Grey Tea; a restful libation to cure my anxiety.

Yours,
Lewis

See You Next Wednesday!

Top 5 Films of Utter Despair

THE FUTURIST! was a sad person before he lost most of his hair.
Now, he's even more melancholy.

THE FUTURIST! was recently asked by John Lichman of Current TV (home of The Rotten Tomatoes Movie Show) to compose a Top 5 List of films of any genre or theme. Mr. Lichman is the show's on-line producer and helms the Current TV Movies Blog. He adds things of cinematic interest to the blog daily with his comedic word play, eye for silly visuals and oft times black sense of humor. Last week he instituted this Top 5 Film list with his first contributor - Glenn Kenny, film critic and the "Sydney Greenstreet" of movie blogging. It was quite an honor and a surprise to receive an email from John Lichman asking THE FUTURIST! to be the 2nd person to construct a list.

After much head scratching and conferences with haiku and The Amazing Frollo (a very lazy acquaintance of THE FUTURIST!), a decision was made. THE FUTURIST! would construct a list of his favorite Top 5 Films of Utter Despair. It's a very international list of great taste and deep sorrow; two of the films have their settings in places with lots of deep, perpetual snow and grey skies, one is in 1930s Los Angeles, one in feudal Japan and another involves depressed neurotic New Yorkers and suicide.

Please enjoy click on the highlighted text above and hopefully you shall enjoy it.

THE FUTURIST! thanks John Lichman for his consideration of THE FUTURIST! in contributing to this series of weekly lists. He has made THE FUTURIST! very happy ... momentarily very happy.