"Don't Move or the Nose Gets it!"

Saturday Music for Paul Mazursky

THE FUTURIST! found this montage of clips from the films of Paul Mazursky set to music composed by one of his favorite musical geniuses. If any of you do not know who Paul Mazursky is and what films he directed, that is a shame. Mr. Mazursky has not made a LOT of films, but he was a shining light in the production of film during the 70s and 80s. He is a director and screenwriter and started as an actor. In many of his films, he will appear briefly as a minor character or just as a walk on. HE has, also, appeared in many other director's films as an actor. The many films he steered toward completion to the screen varied in subject matter; mostly dramas tinged with melancholy comedy that explored human relationships that encompassed wife swapping couples, the rocky road of marriage, divorce, infidelity, immigrants, social and class struggles and the lonely elderly all lost in a changing America. THE FUTURIST! wants to re-watch some of these films again and he anticipates a book on Mr. Mazursky arriving next Spring from the author Sam Wasson who recently wrote a very good tome on the film career of Blake Edwards.

The montage below does flow with visual teases from all of Mazursky's films; a few are missing. You will see one of THE FUTURIST!'s favorite underrated actors George Segal in these scenes and see images from:

BOB & CAROL & TED & ALICE (1969)
BLUME IN LOVE (1973)
HARRY & TONTO (1974)
NEXT STOP, GREENWICH VILLAGE (1976)
AN UNMARRIED WOMAN (1978)
THE TEMPEST (1982)
MOSCOW ON THE HUDSON (1984)
DOWN AND OUT IN BEVERLY HILLS (1986)
ENEMIES: A LOVE STORY (1989)
THE PICKLE (1993)

The song you will hear accompany this images is played at the conclusion of BOB & CAROL & TED & ALICE. It is played over the final sequence which rates very high in THE FUTURIST!'s favorite movie endings. It is an ending that might not play well for today's audience, but it is soul lifting, beautiful, and Felliniesque.

Listen and watch and then rent these films:


WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE
performed by Jackie DeShannon
composed by Burt Bacharach

Utter Despair Winter Olympics End This Weekend

Ice Figure Skater Gabrielle Du Bois ended her performance, dancing to a recitation of Sylvia Plath poetry set to Elliot Smith music, with a resounding climax. Her astounding quadruple axle was met with applause that, thankfully, drowned out the sound of broken sheetrock and her screaming.

And ....

THE FUTURIST! tried once again to battle the contender from Ennui, N.J. in cross country skiing. The first hill was a doozy, as you will witness:

THE FUTURIST! Always Leaves the Vermouth in the Glass

OLIVES! Yum Yum

See You Next Wednesday!

The Shaggy Accountant

The 1959 Disney film THE SHAGGY DOG was not a work of fiction.

THE FUTURIST! encountered his accountant's spouse on a walk along the Utter Despair River and started a conversation that involved the usual "Oh How Are You" moments of surprised meeting. THE FUTURIST! then told Christina, his accountant's wife, that he'd have to pop in soon to have his taxes reconciled by Everett (the accountant). She smiled. THE FUTURIST! noticed that she was walking a large sheep dog and asked when they had acquired a canine. Christina answered, "Oh ... well ... it's a long story." The dog then started barking and staring at THE FUTURIST!. There seemed to be a a strange look in the beast's eyes that was familiar to THE FUTURIST!. On a whim, THE FUTURIST! said, "Everett?" and the dog barked. Christina looked pulled back on the dog's leash. THE FUTURIST! then asked her, "Is that ... ?" She shook her head violently and said, "No ... I don't know what you mean." THE FUTURIST! then made a further test. Knowing that Everett had stated weeks ago that he detested the actress Sandra Bullock, THE FUTURIST! said this: "It's almost a sure thing that Sandra Bullock win snag that Best Actress Oscar this year." The dog snarled shook its mangy head, howled and urinated.

"Christina, is this dog ... is this dog Everett?" THE FUTURIST! asked.

Christina started to cry and recounted the sorry tale. Everett had been assigned to do the accounting of the Daniels Estate and came across an ancient ring that dated back to the Borgias. Rumor and legend stated that the ring was a shape shifting device used to elude the Borgia clan enemies. The recitation of the inscription on the ring produced an effect that made the one speaking the words change into a dog. Christina and Everett had been trying for weeks to reverse the spell, but it was proving fruitless. They had an appointment with a psychic/witch/Korean nail salon owner in Ennui, N.J. the following Tuesday. Hopefully, it would end soon.

THE FUTURIST! was assured that this would not stop Everett from working on THE FUTURIST!'s NJ and Federal Tax returns for 2009. Christina looked at her diary and said that Monday afternoon looked okay at 2 pm. Everett barked. She erased the entry, "Sorry, THE FUTURIST!, Everett has a prior engagement with the neighbor's Labrador for an hour of Frisbee catching and other backyard activities at that time ... how would 4 pm on Tuesday be?" THE FUTURIST! agreed.

Before THE FUTURIST! said his goodbyes, he asked if there were any positives to Everett's dog-state. Christina stated that he wonderfully house trained and alerted her when the postman arrived ... but then changed her mood and said that after she had discovered that Everett had had a dalliance with his secretary's Brittany Spaniel, she had him neutered the previous Tuesday. "A veterinarian is a Woman's Best Friend." she said.

HOW TO BATMAN Goes to a Winery

THE FUTURIST! has expressed his attraction to you, dear reader, regarding the strange comedy of HOW TO BATMAN on YouTube. There must be a new one each week posted, but not all hit their comedic marks. The best videos seem to be when the corpulent Caped Crusader ingests food or, in this case, goes to a winery to taste test some reds, whites and a delicious port. The way in which the common folk react so nonchalantly to Batman strikes THE FUTURIST!'s funny bone with great force. This one has some great asides by Batman. There is something about these videos that brings THE FUTURIST! great comfort. May they continue until he draws his last bearth.

iFiction's Top 5 Ageless Men of History

The Fountain of Youth

by Lucas Cranach the Elder (1472-1553)

THE FUTURIST! presents a new Top 5 List concocted by Aaron Johnson, known as @iFiction on the miraculous 140 character transmission device known as Twitter. THE FUTURIST! doesn't "know" Aaron Johnson in the corporeal sense. AS is the case in today's strange, yet wonderful, internet world, we encounter others in a digital written manner ... no actual speaking, no actual flesh and bone presence to gaze upon and no chance of catching a cold from each other. People don't even know where each other reside; for instance, Aaron Johnson states on his Twitter that his Locale is THE UNIVERSE and his Bio claims .. I AM. An enigma, but one that communicates from the ether of the ghostly world wide web. Well, the same can be said for THE FUTURIST! ... correct?

Here are some amazing "tweets" he has posted:

It so happens I have come to learn that "Love," "Creativity," and,
"God" are more or less equivalent terms.

Virtuality; intimidation fluxes off the sides of an intimate
expansion, radiant, transparent, ecstatically and radically full.

We all share No Self.

I'm such a nihilist that I don't even believe
in not believing in anything.

The problem with romance, courtship, and chivalry is that they're rooted in an idealization of one's partner, which inhibits mutuality.

Sometimes a cigar is just a penis.

Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark.
Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark

"Lost" is quite possibly the greatest story ever told on television.


Aaron has contributed a Top 5 List of his own choosing which is as enigmatic as himself. He has, also, asked to include the video below the list for your perusal. It is an amazing mini-analysis of a person we are all aware of ... and may explain a lot about him. Please enjoy. And thank you, Aaron Johnson for your list!

AARON JOHNSON'S TOP 5 AGELESS, UNDYING
(and Potentially Fictional) MEN OF HISTORY

1. BRUCE WAYNE - DC Comics character, secret identity of The Batman

2. RICHARD ALPERT - mysterious character on the TV show LOST

3. KEANU REEVES - actor

4. BUDDHA - religious figure

5. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE - English Playwright

Saturday Music suggested by Dr. Porto

THE FUTURIST! recently was in a discussion with Dr. Porto, an acquaintance of mysterious origins ... a man who thinks he knows everything, has an ego that could bridge span (with a bicycle lane) two New York City boroughs and is an expert on everything. Oh, and he is a horrible person. Well, down deep Dr. Porto may have a soft center ... like a tootsie pop lollipop; getting to that soft center is a hardship due to the hard tooth breaking shell.

Dr. Porto claims the tune below is from his favorite band. He said THE FUTURIST! might be interested in hearing it and would love it as well. THE FUTURIST! doesn't want to satisfy Dr. Porto with a yes or a no. Dr. Porto is too smug and THE FUTURIST! hates to see him smile. A smile denotes something very evil on Dr. Porto's part. Well, maybe not always ... especially if he is inhaling the aromatic spices of Chicken Tandoori at a very good Indian restaurant ... then the contentment on his face may be an actual true expression of inner goodness and warmth ... and that could fool THE FUTURIST!. But, then again, even that smile could mean Dr. Porto may be lying. He's a tricky son of a bitch.

Listen:


2080
performed by Yeasayer

"I Think I Will Never See ...

... a Poem as Lovely as a Penis Tree.
Poems are made by fools like me
But only a Drunk with a Chainsaw can make a Penis Tree."

Apologies to Joyce Kilmer, N.J. Poet

Animated Asian Stereotype Cartoon Theater

The Utter Despair Winter Olympics

See You Next Wednesday!

Saturday Music for Those We Love From Afar

THE FUTURIST! loves this cover version of To Sir, With Love by The Trashcan Sinatras. The rendition they perform is dreamy and smooth and seductive. The original was sung by Lulu, who acted in the film from 1967. She did an admirable job at warbling this title tune, but this version makes THE FUTURIST! swoon. Please forgive the YouTube version below. It is fragmented by scenes from some British/Irish/Scottish TV program. The disruption of visuals that interrupt are annoying, but it is the best audio version THE FUTURIST! could find. This may be a perfect St. Valentine's Day musical Saturday entry. Most of us love from afar and find our heart's desire to be unrequited. THE FUTURIST! has had this happen too many times. This is why he is depressed 98% of his life. Don't pity him ... just identify with him. It will be a better course of action.

Listen:


TO SIR, WITH LOVE
performed by The Trashcan Sinatras

THE FUTURIST! presents HOW TO MAKE TEA Theater

Remember to squeeze your bags.



For some odd reason this presentation makes
THE FUTURIST! think of a 1930s Universal Horror picture.

The Black Hole

THE FUTURIST! was heard recently discussing the possibilities of the Earth disappearing into a Black Hole. He was sent this video by a friend who was concerned for his sanity and descent into depression. THE FUTURIST! was quoted as saying that he wondered if it would be better to be with a loved one, some good friends or all alone in a pool of tears when the Earth was sucked into the The Black Hole. No decision was made regarding this question. Perhaps, you, dear audience, can help him. The only Black Hole THE FUTURIST! has been sucked into, was the 1979 Disney production with Anthony Perkins, Robert Forster, Maximilian Schell and Ernest Borgnine. THE FUTURIST! escaped from that Black Hole, but still feels the effects.

See You Next Wednesday!

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall? You Scare THE FUTURIST!

A staple of the horror film is the "sudden face/monster/ghost/killer in the mirror" cliche. This has occurred so many times in horror pictures. THE FUTURIST! was heard talking about this with his barber the other day. IT always happens. Film protagonist or supporting character looks in a mirror and sees him/herself ... then looks again or closes medicine cabinet door and * JARRING SCARY BLAST OF MUSIC ON SOUNDTRACK * there's another face there behind them staring or about to kill. THE FUTURIST! had this happen last October. He was getting a new suit and was adjusting the suit coat lapels and looked down to see if they were nice and flat and contoured with the shape of the coat ... then he looked up to see the results and BLAM!!! there was the ugly countenance of the tailor. What a little scary troll beast he appeared to be. "Can I help you, Sir?" he asked THE FUTURIST!. Composing himself, THE FUTURIST! merely swallowed and replied, "The pants seem to be damp."

Below is a 4 min. and 12 second wonderful montage of scary mirror sequences from numerous films. This would have been a wonderful SHOCKtober post, but we can love it now, can't we?

P.S. At the 1:20 mark you will see an actual dramatization of THE YOUNG FUTURIST! being scared by a bedraggled child creature in a mirror. It's good. Watch for it.

Super Sunday Videos

and

Saturday Music to Bedazzle

Director Stanley Donan's Faust parody written by and starring the brilliant Peter Cook and Dudley Moore is one of THE FUTURIST!'s favorite dark comedies. If you are only aware of the Harold Ramis revolting CGI bloated remake with Brendan Fraser, well ... THE FUTURIST! wants to bitch slap you ... then he will embrace you and console you as you weep and fully realize your utter stupidity. The only way to atone is by queuing up your NetFlix and renting the surrealistic one and only BEDAZZLED from 1967.

The score to the film was written by Dudley Moore, who was a talented pianist and composer. Yes, he did make a series of bad films in the 80s, after he separated from his comedy marriage with Peter Cook, but he was a very funny man and musician. The two of them together were influential figures in British comedy and should be rediscovered by those not familiar with their sharp (mostly ad-libbed) dialogues. Please rent their recently released DVD of their early 60s British TV program. THE FUTURIST! tingled with pure delight while viewing it.

Below is a fantasy sequence from BEDAZZLED in which Moore's character wishes to be a great pop singer in order to attract the girl he secretly adores. Cook is Satan with whom he decides to sell his soul in order to achieve his most cherished dreams. Each of his wishes come to a bad end, due to Satan's knack for toying with happiness and, well, because he's evil. Satan allows Moore's character to fulfill the pop singing fantasy, but throws a malevolent monkey wrench into the dream by appearing as an even more alluring pop fantasy known as ... Drimble Wedge.

Listen:


BEDAZZLED
performed by Peter Cook
from the film BEDAZZLED (1967)

iSad

The above picture is being used as THE FUTURIST!'s Twitter avatar. Upon its first appearance, @iFiction, a very intelligent and philosophical THE FUTURIST! follower on the 140 character communication social network, loved it and called it "pretty fantastic". When THE FUTURIST! asked him what the picture "said to him", @iFiction replied:

"it 'says' that identity, framed and separated into an individual ego, is ultimately a reflection of the surrounding universe."

THE FUTURIST! likes that reply.

It could say that ... or it could be THE FUTURIST! peering at his new iSad computer tablet, which is available exclusively in Utter Despair, N.J. It is being test marketed in the saddest place in the United States. It enables you to read emails, check websites, view High Def films, like CRIES AND WHISPERS, and can be used to read depressing eBooks. THE FUTURIST! is currently reading NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND by Dostoevsky.

THE FUTURIST!'s Guilty Pleasure Palace

THE FUTURIST! has mulled this idea over for awhile and thought about the consequences of admitting to certain things that he embarrassingly feels some sort of strange attraction to ... and recoils at the thought of disclosing said attraction. Of course, there are some things THE FUTURIST! may like very much that he would admit to though others detest it, even though they would shake their heads or hide their faces in the palms of their hands upon hearing his admissions.

This is commonly known as a GUILTY PLEASURE. THE FUTURIST! sought the correct definition of this phrase on Wikipedia. He often consults Wikipedia for knowledge, as he did recently regarding a rash on his inner calf. It was merely excessive corduroy pants friction. A common affliction according to Wiki. The informative internet encyclopedia cited GUILTY PLEASURE as:

something one considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. Often, the "guilt" involved is simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes, rather than actual moral guilt.

Fascinating.

THE FUTURIST! will start his therapy session, of sorts, with this recently discovered video of a set of performing "musical" twins called Jedward. After watching this, THE FUTURIST! was heard to say, "They appear to be some kind of X Factor creation." Brilliant deduction. They were and are. After intensive research that equaled the work done by Dr. Jonas Salk on a polio vaccine, THE FUTURIST! watched a few videos from The X FACTOR featuring Jedward. They can not sing and are hyper 17 yr old egomaniacs who think they are stars. The X Factor tries to mask many of their contestants faults through large spectacular production numbers and this is true in a Busby Berkeley sense with Jedward. All flash and lights and sound and dancing, but no talent.

So why,? Why is THE FUTURIST! about to admit to his fascination and unbridled glee in watching the video he is about to present below? THE FUTURIST! can not explain it ... it could be the music, though he detests rap. It could the production number. He does like clever film musical production numbers. It could his envy over the twins hair. They have a lot of it, but they do fashion it in a combination style of cotton candy and a human paintbrush. That is strange. It certainly isn't the appearance of Vanilla Ice in the latter half of the video. THE FUTURIST! dislikes Vanilla Ice very much. And the enhancement of sound tweaking and direction and editing and production value is throwing a deflection shield over the fact that the boys can't really warble at all.

One explanation could be those black suits with mustard vests under the boys' suit jackets. They look stylish. And what of the full display of unleashed energy on display as the young dolts jump and gyrate and punch the air in front of that tiny light bulbed logo of their stupid name? Oh, THE FUTURIST! is hurling derogatory adjectives in this post regarding Jedward ... obviously an excuse to thwart any reader's jaw dropping reaction to what they are about to see and his confession of how it fills THE FUTURIST! with momentary happiness. At the same time, THE FUTURIST! hates himself for liking it. It's packaged poisoned commercial candy. THE FUTURIST! feels like a farm hog rolling in his own slop and feces and smiling. Are you ready? The bomb bay doors are opening and the GUILTY PLEASURE BOMB is about drop ...

See You Next Wednesday!

THE FUTURIST!'s Top 5 Worst Olivier Film Accents

The Late Sir Laurence Olivier is considered one of the greatest actors of stage and screen. He has won numerous awards for his tour de force acting turns in many productions, including an Academy Award for his role as Hamlet. THE FUTURIST! found his performances in SLEUTH, MARATHON MAN, HENRY V, SPARTACUS and his beautiful understated role in REBECCA to be all memorable. However ... yes ... however, Sir Larry could instill the chill of complete cringe worthy tremors with some of his "acting". Terrible hammy mannerisms and forced accents that could make one wince and, yet, want to laugh in horror marked many of his later film performances. THE FUTURIST! will now list his favorite unfavored 5 .... which surprisingly are all from 1978 to 1980.

TOP 5 WORST SIR LAURENCE OLIVIER FILM ACCENTS

1. Cantor Rabinovitch in THE JAZZ SINGER (1980)
Possibly Jewish, Balkan, German, Swedish or Venusian

2. Prof. Abraham Van Helsing in DRACULA (1979)
Possibly German, Jewish, Czech, Irish and Elmo

3. Ezra Lieberman in THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL (1978)
Possibly German, Jewish or Alvin of the Chipmunks

4. Loren Hardeman in THE BETSY (1978)
Possibly Texan, Foghorn Leghorn or Yosemite Sam

5. Julius in A LITTLE ROMANCE (1979)
Definitely Pepe Le Pew and Jewish or German