Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Moment with Liquor: Burt Bacharach and Angie Dickinson with Martini & Rossi on the Rocks

Ah ... yes, Burt ... yes .. SAY YES!

Yes, Burt Bacharach wrote the Martini & Rossi jingle.
It is short, but sweet and gets to the point.

By the way: this might be Burt's best singing performance ever.

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service

There is nothing like religious based comedy using hand puppets.
Truly faithful people have the best senses of humor and comedy zingers.
THE FUTURIST! wishes to thank Willie & Jim Pollard for the soul-lifting
treat of introducing everyone to the R&T Puppets.

Make sure to stay with this routine for the moral lessons learned
and the wonderful warbling by Terry and Annette the puppet.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Saturday Music for Autumnal Thoughts

November 2010 is a few days away from departing the present. It will soon be the past. The recent past and the not so recent and finally a haze of long ago thoughts. Another Autumn month of cooler temperatures. The leaves of trees dying in bursts of golden yellow, red, orange, yellow and browns. Occasional days of sudden warmth and waning sun. Days that you might just need a sweater or cardigan. The sounds of a football game from a nearby High School wafting through the air. The crunch of dead leaves beneath your feet. The smells of a Thanksgiving dinner being prepared ... roasting turkey and baking pies. Another November.

The song below feels like November to THE FUTURIST! and it says a lot about how he feels at this time of year. Sad? Yes. Wistful? Oh, yes. Regretful? Lonely? Uh ... most definitely. It is the beginning of the "holiday season" and all that it brings ... mostly memories of lost times. There are friends and family that may surround you, but at times you can feel like one of those big Maple trees ... slowly being denuded of your color and richness ... finally alone and feeling cold ... branches stark against that steely gray sky. And you wait .. for renewal.

For those of you not loading a small caliber revolver with one bullet or practicing a hangman's noose out of heavy Navy hemp rope after reading the above paragraph of melancholy, please allow THE FUTURIST! to ask you to read the lyrics to this song as you ...


So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away
'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever go away
Just like thinking of your childhood home
But we cant go back we're on our own
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be alone
So please understand if I dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself

performed by Azure Ray

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving from Utter Despair N.J.

THE FUTURIST! hopes to try and make it to
the annual Thanksgiving Parade today in Utter Despair, NJ
As is the tradition, several residents dress in Pilgrim regalia and
chase a Man/Turkey Hybrid down the main town boulevard.

The Man/Turkey Hybrid is played each year by
a special guest star voted on by the town population.
This year it is played by Hal Veener who works at the
recycling center and does weekly pickups of paper products,
cans, glass and plastic containers.

The delight of the Man/Turkey Hybrid is that it is usually
played by someone the town dislikes at the moment.
Hal is known for tossing recycling barrels onto residents' lawns,
in the street and in their bushes. He is seen kicking them and
causing them to crack and dent. Occasionally, he will leave stray
newspapers and bottles behind in the gutter, if he
misses pitching them into the back of his truck.
He is a big annoying lazy jerk.

Why would he accept the role?
Because he receives a day off from work, four new radial tires,
a gift certificate to The Utter Despair Diner
(one free meal and dessert)
and a plaque honoring his run in the traditional parade.
Of course, this is if he outruns the "Pilgrims" ...
if he doesn't, he is trussed up and put in a stockade
in Utter Despair Park on
Black Friday, the biggest shopping day in town
and shoppers will heckle him as they search for sales.

Last year, the cranky lady from the library was
in the running ... she outran the "Pilgrims", but
passed out and hit her head on the curb.
She actually thinks she is a turkey, now.
It was sad.
But, she did win the prizes.

The run is from the border of Utter Despair and nearby Ennui, N.J.
to the other end of town at the border of Bergman Township.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, and congrats to Sue Loo,
co-owner of Emperor Ming's Mongo Palace,
(best Chinese in New Jersey!)
for being the 1st Asian Pilgrim
in the traditional ritual this year!
Utter Despair is an equal opportunity re-enactor employer.

Lest We Forget ...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

THE FUTURIST! Provides You With a Behind the Scenes Re-Enactment of the Basic TSA Screening Procedures

THE FUTURIST! hopes you all have a safe Holiday travel experience
with the added pleasure of groin stimulation or cancer causing
microwave x-ray exposure.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit

THE FUTURIST! wants it stated that he really only
likes two Nicolas Cage films:


Otherwise, he can't stand him.

A special internet hug to
Andrew Grant alias Filmbrain,
who brought this fantastic wrenching video
to the attention of THE FUTURIST!

Filmbrain, THE FUTURIST! loves you.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service

Willie Pollard, THE FUTURIST! doesn't know if
The Lord does, but THE FUTURIST!, in his loving way,
forgives you for your whining.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Saturday Music about Lydia and her Tattoos

THE FUTURIST! always feels that a little bit of Groucho Marx can give him a big lift when he feels blue or not feeling that the world is right. THE FUTURIST! had to get up very very early today to attend a business function that was dreary, boring, full of verbal bull manure and not worth his time. However ... it was mandatory that he attend. Afterwards he did have a nice hearty breakfast, with a friend, at a quaint little independently owned cafe in Rutherford, NJ. He had a Swiss cheese and mushroom omelet, hash browns, rye toast and coffee. It was good and quite filling. THE FUTURIST! had no idea today what to post as a music entry for this Saturday, but he decided he still needed a bit more spirit lifting ... more than the omelet could achieve. So, he thought of Groucho and his signature song (other than Hooray for Captain Spaulding).

THE FUTURIST! chose this rendition done by a much older Groucho. This is from The Dick Cavett Show from the 70s. There is another rendition from the film AT THE CIRCUS, on YouTube, that is livelier and faster, but THE FUTURIST! loves the old Groucho warbling this tune and still feeling his younger self as he struts and wiggles his eyebrows. It is slower and he muffs some pronunciations, but it's still Groucho and that's good no matter what his age is or yours.


written by Harold Arlen & Yip Harburg
sung by Groucho Marx

Friday, November 19, 2010

It's Friday and it's Time for Canine CPR Class

THE FUTURIST! heard a story about an Utter Despair resident who once tried to perform respiratory rescue on his French Bulldog, who was named Francois.

Due to the fact that Francois' breath smelled like sardines
and a pile of rotting yard compost, the story goes that the
dog owner had to be given CPR after his initial attempt to revive
his pet. It was horrible. Man and his Best Friend unconscious.
This story has been told over and over again to new neighbors
on Murder at the Vicarage Road in Utter Despair, N.J.

THE FUTURIST! isn't sure if it is true, but he did see
(with his own eyes)
a flying cat wearing jodhpurs and a small pith helmet
over on the corner of Odd and End one Friday night.
THE FUTURIST! was returning from The Third Man Cinema Tavern at the time.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thursdays Mean One Thing: Prison Strip Search Day

THE FUTURIST! wishes you to remember this:

"Keep in Mind ... YOU are ordering a naked person to obey you."

Also ... please relax your rectal muscles to avoid suspicion.

These procedures may be instituted soon at an airport near you!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Scorpio Birthday Salute

Harvey's Scorpio song is rather odd.
He sings of the characteristics of the birth sign,
but he then denies them. Is he implying that Scorpios are deceptive?

Harvey seems a bit stiff. Maybe too many cocktails.
The fiery redhead dancer is really turning on the oomph.
And she really gives Harvey the lust look at the very end
and seems to move in for the kill. Hubba Hubba, Harvey.

Next month will be the last song.
Will they finally find love and not
just this bad nightclub flirtation?

It's Monday and THE FUTURIST! Doesn't Know if He Looks Like it, But He Feels Like ...

Most overused line in movies? Hmmm ...

Courtesy of Forces of Geek
brought to THE FUTURIST!'s attention
by The Warner Archive via Twitter.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service

And to think THE FUTURIST! only thought
a saw was good for cutting off tree branches.

Willie Pollard remarks (at end of video)
that the saw is a "unique instrument".
THE FUTURIST!, however, feels that the saw
should never be placed anywhere near his crotch
so close to his own "unique instrument".

Crotch of a tree? Okay.
Crotch of THE FUTURIST! to play a song?
Uh ... no.


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Saturday Music with a Dark Tone but a Good Beat

A long time ago, THE FUTURIST! heard a band called Gruppo Sportivo. He knew a young man, at the time, who had hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of vinyl records stored in his Mom's apartment in Passaic , NJ. The records lined an entire wall. He had the American release of an record ... for instance, Elvis Costello, and then he had an import version from Japan or elsewhere. It was amazing. THE FUTURIST!'s friend was an encyclopedia of knowledge regarding music. His passion was music. THE FUTURIST! always thought and still feels that it is our passions that drive us to continue this journey of Life. Without the passion, we are nothing. It is the passion for music, art, film, sports, food or whatever that keep us diverted from the horrors of our existence. It is the mask that hides the skull at the costume party of Life.


THE FUTURIST! apologizes for that dreary Edgar Allan Poe allusion, but it is how he feels. His passion is film. THE FUTURIST! loves film and reading about film. THE FUTURIST!'s friend Valentino loved music. He heard it in his head all day ... at his work, as he drove his car, when he ate and when he nodded off to sleep. THE FUTURIST! relied on him to introduce him to music he never knew existed. Valentino was one of the eccentrics in THE FUTURIST!'s life that enhanced each minute being in his company. Unfortunately, THE FUTURIST! has lost track of his friend from the past ... the future took over and those days of his comradeship are mere memories. What happened to Valentino? What happened to all those records? Anywho, THE FUTURIST! can be assured that wherever he is, Valentino's mind is still abuzz with melody.

The Dutch band called Gruppo Sportivo was one of the bands that he introduced THE FUTURIST to ... and he loved it. This particular song entitled HENRI is all about a sadistic romance. Listen to the words, but please excuse the awful visual patchwork put together by the poster of this song on YouTube. You will hear all about the pleading of a woman for her swain to return to her ... you will hear about her love of money that may be more of her passion than amour. And you will hear about murder. Enjoy.


performed by Gruppo Sportivo

Friday, November 12, 2010

When Movie Posters Were Worth Looking At # 2

favorite films of his viewing life.
The poster is pretty good, too.
Beautiful illustrative artwork
by Richard Amsel.
He created some fantastic poster art
during his short life span.

Monday, November 8, 2010

THE FUTURIST! Provides Silly Blog Filler

One day in Utter Despair, NJ, the Child Welfare
Authorities were called out to the shopping district
after it was discovered that a parent, while shopping
in the Odds and Ends Emporium, tied their 3 yr old
(with a full diaper)
to a NO PARKING sign in front of the store.
But, THE FUTURIST! has never heard of a parent in
Utter Despair, NJ placing their child in a hollowed
out watermelon and filming it for YouTube.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Alarm Clock

This past early Sunday morning THE FUTURIST! had to set his clocks back one hour for the usual seasonal Standard Time setting. It is quite a tedious chore to go around changing every wall clock or clock radio in the house. It is very important that THE FUTURIST! makes sure his bedroom alarm clock is set correctly. He does not want it awakening him at the wrong hour. It is a special video alarm clock designed by Seussonoras Labs in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Dr. Seussonoras fabricated it especially for THE FUTURIST! ... it starts his day off in the perfect Utter Despair manner.


THE FUTURIST!'s Sunday Service

THE FUTURIST! salutes (in a non-Facist manner)
lovable Brooklyn, NY radical Michael Lieberman for pointing
out the wonderful videos of Strolling Down Memory Lane
Twitter: @michaelagrammar

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Saturday Music for The Gentleman of Leisure

THE FUTURIST! dedicates this Saturday's music offering to his European friend The Gentleman of Leisure, who can claim today as the anniversary of his birth 24 years ago. The song posted below is by Billy Joel and is entitled VIENNA. THE FUTURIST! loves this song and it's Kurt Weill inspired piano tinkling. THE FUTURIST! owns that very Billy Joel album. He feels this song best fits The Gentleman's current life of ease. The lyrics imply not to rush, to enjoy and do what you need to do for just yourself ... Life progresses at the same rate for us all. As THE FUTURIST! understands it, Vienna is a metaphor for a future place of happiness and well-being. Perhaps, THE FUTURIST! will find his Vienna away from Utter Despair, too.

So, this song, with its melancholy instrumental sound imbues a sense of optimism. It fits The Gentleman. THE FUTURIST! sees The Gentleman kicking back in his usual European haunts and sighing with laconic pleasure today. Besides this vision, TF! wants to acknowledge that today is, also, the birthday of his faraway friend Dara Moroney (who you can read about here). Dara is one of the most amiable people, with a driving ambition, THE FUTURIST! knows ... a bit different than The Gentleman oddly. Oh, wait ... today is, also, the birthday of THE FUTURIST!'s friend in faraway Ireland, Detective Cannon of the Galway police department. What a day of birthday cake over eating! Great Pagan Gods ... good thing THE FUTURIST! isn't overseas in their company today. He would have severe sugar overload ... or too much Guinness or whiskey.

Happy Birthday, to all the gentleman mentioned above.
THE FUTURIST! thinks of you all as one this Saturday
and sends you his very best of wishes for happiness.


written and performed by Billy Joel

Friday, November 5, 2010

Jill Clayburgh - Apr 30, 1944 - Nov 5, 2010

This evening THE FUTURIST! learned of the death of actress Jill Clayburgh due to a battle with chronic leukemia. The sudden news came as quite a surprise. Clayburgh was an actress that left a great impression on THE FUTURIST! in his younger days. She has done some work, mostly television, in her later years, but she seemed almost forgotten in his mind ... and the reality of her passing brought back grand memories of two specific performances that he'll never forget.

THE YOUNG FUTURIST! saw her wonderful emotional performance in Paul Mazursky's AN UNMARRIED WOMAN. This was a film that THE FUTURIST! can't even imagine being made today for adult audiences. It was a specific beautifully written "woman's picture" from 1978. This was a film that was fully afloat due to this single performance by Clayburgh. A woman is unceremoniously dumped by her cheating husband and left alone with her teenage daughter. The scene where she learns of his plans to leave her is so painful to watch. Clayburgh leaves this brief brutal moment of cold disengagement and walks the streets of Manhattan slowly staggering, trying to make sense of what had just happened ... sick to her stomach by the tipsy turn of events in her even keeled world. The character's emotions are played out on her face and her pain and puzzlement is evident by the master strokes of her acting. The film continues on, as does Clayburgh's character, trying to find a new life for herself and becoming stronger as an independent woman. The film was even beater due to the co-starring role by Alan Bates (a THE FUTURIST! favorite who he briefly met one New York day outside a Broadway theater) as an abstract painter who becomes the new man in her life. But, AN UNMARRIED WOMAN doesn't go where you expect it to go ... the movie is as strong as it's protagonist and never flinches in its truth.

The other film wherein Clayburgh left an impression was the romantic comedy directed by Alan J. Pakula entitled STARTING OVER. Clayburgh plays a lonely mousy school teacher who meets Burt Reynolds' recently divorced character. The fears, sadness, determination, insecurity and other mixtures of emotion a mature woman trying to decide to act on in her yearning for a connection are beautifully expressed. This is a comedy, but there are real emotions here regarding men and women reaching that point in life where they feel the human need for love could be gone forever after a certain age. It's a very satisfying film ... another kind of film that is not made today. A film about mature adult people in love.

THE YOUNG FUTURIST! loved both these films and the fondness for them and the great talent of a truly great actress still stays with THE ADULT THE FUTURIST! They also bring back memories to THE FUTURIST! of people he was accompanied by when he saw each film. The sad death of Ms. Clayburgh stirs many memories ... of a great actress gone, a style of intelligent American film no longer made and people of our past who are lost except in our mind's eye.

A brief scene from AN UNMARRIED WOMAN:

Thursday, November 4, 2010

THE FUTURIST!'s Song Cover (Your Ears)

THE FUTURIST! introduces a new feature (an experiment, if you allow) wherein he will hunt out a perfectly affecting cover of a popular tune by YouTube enthusiasts and post it for your perusal and ear drums. Most likely, you will listen to a bit and parachute out of this blog like it is a burning British Spitfire hurtling toward the fields of Devonshire after being hit by a Messerschmidt ace pilot. THE FUTURIST! just finds it so funny, horrifying and oddly heartwarming to know and see that there are people out there who want to sing and feel they can sing or play an instrument and so forth. This strange mixture of emotions made him feel that you, too, should experience these moments of 15 minutes of internet fame ... or will it be 15 seconds after you click away?

First up:

A rendition of The Beatles' MARTHA MY DEAR:

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Appliance Dancing

Let's jump into November with this beautiful dance dedicated to materialism.
Yes ... the Holiday Season is already evident in the stores around Utter Despair.
The economy is in the dumper ... no one has money ... jobs are scarce ...
hours at work are being cut ... and guess what? The retailers want us to BUY!
Let's rejoice with a pagan-like ballroom dance dedicated to the love of buying.
Things haven't really changed, dear readers ... this is 2010, but America still
loved their stoves and refrigerators in 1957, too. Dance, Fools, DANCE!!
For tomorrow, you go into debt! American materialism ... what bliss.

Monday, November 1, 2010

A Good Cast is Worth Repeating!

Thank you to the following for their aid, participation,
contributions and inspiration in this year's blog posts
extolling the excitement of SHOCKtober!

Universal Pictures
U.S. Postal Service
The Gentleman of Leisure
The Self Styled Siren
Kharis the Mummy
Christopher Lee
Peter Cushing
Jocelin Donahue
Carter Burwell
Thomas Meek
Dara Moroney
Utter Despair Public School System
Mel Brooks
Gene Wilder
Modesty Blaise
The Creature from the Black Lagoon
Kenner Toys
The Monsters Crash the Pajama Party DVD
Vincent Price
Peter Lorre
H.P. Lovecraft
Henry Mancini
The Amazing Frollo
Guy in Gorilla Suit
and Scantily Clad Girl
David J. Skal
Basil Rathbone
Dr. Steven Seussonoras
Charles Addams
Patricia Highsmith
Gabriel Yared
Cloaked Satanists with torches
Harvey Sid Fisher
The Faithful Fans in SCOTLAND